Episode 24: When Things Go Wrong

Episode Summary

We all have a plan for our life.  We all have an idea of the way it's supposed to go.

And then nothing goes according to plan.

When we think "this isn't the way it's supposed to be" we resist reality and this adds anger, frustration, and resentment to our challenges.  We end up doubling our pain.

In order to be able to move on and learn and grow from our difficult and challenging experiences, it can be very helpful to remember three things: 

1. First when we think it's not supposed to be this way—for whatever we're going through in our life—we are adding to our pain.

2.  Everything that we're going through—everything—is exactly the way that it's supposed to be.

3.  Every single thing that happens—even the hard, the difficult, the excruciating, and the painful things—everything that happens, is happening FOR you.

The reality is that, for each one of us, life has not gone according to plan. Each one of us could build a case that it didn't turn out the way it was supposed to. But this only adds heaviness and suffering to our challenges. 

The way to escape all the resentment and regret and anger that comes with resisting our challenges is to believe that we are living the exact life we're supposed to...and that my friends is 100% awesome.

 

Episode Tools and Questions

In this episode I talked about how the resistance to what is, the resistance to reality is creating an additional layer of pain to our challenges.

RESISTANCE is 

1. the act of fighting against something that is attacking you,
 
2. refusing to accept something

3.  a force that acts to stop the progress of something or make it slower

4.  In physics, the degree to which a substance prevents the flow of an electric current through it
 
If you think about each of these definitions you can see that they all take energy or prevent the flow of energy.  When we resist the reality of what is happening in our lives by saying "It should be different" or "It's not supposed to be this way," we direct energy away from learning and growing and moving on, and we focus our energy on fighting the things we cannot change.
 

 

Three thoughts to help you overcome your resistance to your challenges and empower you to move forward:

1. First when we think it's not supposed to be this way for whatever we're going through in our life, we are adding to our pain. We are making our challenge heavier. We are losing because we're trading the present experience for an argument that we can never win. Saying it should be different never makes it different.


2. One of the things that Byron Katie teaches is that everything—everything—is exactly the way that it's supposed to be. She wrote, “Could it be that all along we have lived the life we should have lived and that everything we've done has been what we should have done?" 

This doesn't mean that what has happened is okay or is right or is good or that we condone it.  

  • It just means that it has happened and you can stop arguing about it.
  • It is what happened and you can stop trying to change it.
  • It is what it is and you can stop wishing it was different.
  • It is what is and you can stop rehearsing and rerunning and reliving it so that it can somehow turn out differently.

This thought will help you give up your resistance and all the energy you are spending fighting what is.  If you believe this thought you can get to so much more peace about your life and the way it is turning out.


3. One of the most powerful thoughts you can practice is the thought that everything that is happening is happening FOR you. Every single thing that happens—even the hard, the difficult, the excruciating, the painful things—everything that happens is happening FOR you.

Episode Notes

Mentioned in the podcast:

  • Byron Katie
  • “Could it be that all along we have lived the life we should have lived and that everything we've done has been what we should have done?"  - Byron Katie

 

Episode Transcript

To read or download a written transcript of the entire episode, simply click the link below.

 

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
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