I used to think about what it would be like to drive my car into a light post. After I dropped the kids at school, I would sit at the light and fantasize about revving the engine and just gunning it.
I didn’t really want to kill myself, but sometimes I thought it would be better if I could just disappear and escape my life.
And the thing was, I had a good life.
I had a beautiful family. I had a home and education and running water. I had the gospel of Jesus Christ. I had it all.
I had nothing to complain about and I thought it was ridiculous that I was mostly miserable.
I hated myself for not being happy. (Especially, when I was supposed to be.)
I told myself that my unhappiness and my suffering was ridiculous and it didn’t matter. That my problems didn’t matter.
Deep down, I thought that I didn’t matter.
I was embarrassed to talk about my pain. I thought I shouldn’t be having it and I thought I had no right to feel bad about my amazing life.
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Recently I had a client tell me, “No matter what I do, I think I could do better.”
She is not alone. A lot of us think this. It feels true.
But this thought is a lie. And it only makes us feel defeated and discouraged.
I know this because I used to think this too. I spent my life trying be better and telling myself that I needed to improve in every way. I needed to be better at eating right and better at loving my husband and better at saying my prayers and better at teaching my kids. I needed to be better at managing my anger and better at saving my money and better at being happy.
But needing to be better only made me feel worse. Which never made me better at any of it.
And the truth is, I can’t be better. I am whole already. And anything I do or don’t do, doesn’t make me better.
I can’t get better. And neither can you.
You can do anything you want in your...
You know what's amazing about our brains?
They are always, always worried about our survival, but they also like to pretend that we’re never going to die.
They are continually worried about dangers and threats and constantly reminding us how susceptible we are to judgment and rejection and failure.
And yet, when we go to make changes or create the life we want, our brain often tells us that “we can do it tomorrow,” that “now’s not a good time,” and that “someday we’ll get to it.” In those moments of decision and action, our brain pretends like we’ve got all the time in the world and we’re never going to die.
So which is it?
I think we should take our brain’s word for it. We are going to die. We have human bodies that are exposed to risk and danger every day. Our brain is right: we are vulnerable and we could die.
But I don’t think that's a reason to stop. (Which is what your brain wants you to do.)
You were made for more.
You want to be happy...but you just can't figure out why you're not.
You know all the things you "should" be doing...but you still aren't doing them.
You want to use the life that God has given you to become better and follow Him...but you constantly feel like you disappoint Him.
You want to love like Christ taught...but you can't figure out how to do that in real life with real people.
You want to reach your dreams and do amazing things...but you're barely surviving just doing the minimum.
You were made for more.
For more than just settling.
For more than just getting by.
For more than a life full of shame and guilt and worry.
For more than strained, painful relationships.
For more than just going through the motions and telling yourself you can't have what you want.
You were made for more.
Make the most of your time on earth and get what you came for. Your time here is limited but your capacity is not. ...
It's not just negative thoughts that get in our way. Sometimes even thoughts that "seem positive," or thoughts that we think are good or useful or reasonable, keep us from having the experience we want to have.
Today I have an example of that, that might change the way you see other people for good. I hope it helps!
P.S. If you want to learn to question all your thoughts—even the ones that "seem positive"—so that you can get different results in your life, coaching is the answer.
My group coaching program, Made for More opens on Monday morning, Nov. 16th at 9 am EST. You can find out all the details and apply by clicking the button here. If you want to get more out your life, this program is for you!
At this time every year, I suffer with terrible allergies. Eczema flares all over my hands and neck and I get lots of congestion. It makes me kind of miserable.
Allergies are caused when the immune system overreacts to innocuous substances like dust or pollen. The immune system thinks these allergens are harmful and so it launches a full-scale attack. Ironically, while the allergen itself was never actually threatening, the body's overreaction to it ends up being harmful...or at least very uncomfortable.
This is not unlike our brain's overreaction to the circumstances of our lives.
Someone posts their opinion on instagram, and your brain creates a whole lot of resentment.
You decide to start your own business, and your brain goes into overdrive producing fear.
Your child refuses to pick up their room, and your brain generates a healthy dose of frustration.
Just like the innocuous allergen, none of these things are...
Our brain thinks the solution to feeling better is always outside of us.
Like it often thinks that we would feel better if the other people outside of us were different. It thinks if they could show more love or more compassion or more "reasonableness," everything would be better.
The only problem with this is it leaves us waiting to feel better. It leaves feeling better in someone else's hands.
Here is a tool to put feeling better back in your control. I hope it helps!
P.S. Applications for my new group coaching program, Made for More, open on November 16th. Are you coming?!
Well, by now I guess you know there’s a big election tomorrow.
You have been inundated with campaign ads and debate soundbites and political commentary for months. Everybody is trying to get your vote.
It reminds me a lot of the campaign that is constantly going on in your own head for who you are becoming
Your brain is campaigning for staying the same.
Your higher self is nudging you for change, for a life of more.
And whenever you go to do something in your life—something that requires energy or discomfort or bravery or discipline—these two parts of you hold a debate.
Your brain tells you that it's too hard or too scary or too much or way beyond your skill or capacity.
Your higher self asks you to try, to see what else is possible, to push yourself to see who you could help and what you could create in your life.
And every action we take, every single day, is a vote for one of the other. A vote for who we are right now...
I know you've heard me talk about how much coaching changed my life. And you might wonder how that's possible.
Because coaching can't change other people. It can't change my income or my weight or the weather or public policy.
It doesn't change my body or my education or my to-do list or my house or my kids.
Coaching can't change anything outside of me.
But it doesn't have to. Because coaching changes everything inside of me.
And that is the only thing that has to change for everything to be different.
P.S. If you want things to be different, sign up for a free coaching consultation. I'll tell you everything you need to know to change anything you want.