“I just wish I was better.”
“I just want to get my life together.”
“I’ve got to figure out a way to fix myself.”
I hear these phrases a lot.
I hear them from my clients. I hear them from my podcast listeners. I hear them from my own brain.
But the truth is. There is no such thing.
You can’t be better.
Your life isn’t falling apart or put together. It is just your life. Exactly as it should be.
There is nothing to fix. You are already 100% whole.
Did you know that?
It’s easy not to in a world that tells you there is always more and a brain that tells you are never enough.
You can change anything you want.
You can build any life you want.
You can be any version of yourself you want to be.
But not because you are broken. Not because you are unacceptable as you are.
Just cause you want to.
You can change and you can completely love who you...
Sometimes when we get introduced to thought work, we make the mistake of thinking that we should always try to have "positive thoughts."
While there is a place for this, I find I get the most traction in my life when I focus on "effective thoughts" rather than "positive thoughts." Effective thoughts don't just help us feel good—they help us create the exact results we want in our life!
Hope this helps!
P.S. I'm here to help you get the results you want. It happens one thought at a time. Try a free coaching consultation to see what changing your thoughts could change for you.
Last week I talked to
a client who moved to a new country right before the COVID lockdowns.
a client whose transgender child is transitioning.
a client who is debt and feels trapped by their past.
a client who is struggling in their marriage.
a client who is estranged from their family.
a client who deals with anxiety and depression every day.
a client who thinks that God has abandoned them.
In my work, I see people from every walk of life, facing every kind of challenge you can imagine.
It is no different for you. Every human being faces real challenges.
And actually, our brains are really good at solving problems and overcoming challenges.
But when we think that something has gone wrong and that things shouldn't be the way they are, our problem-solving brains get stuck trying to argue with reality instead of figuring out what to do next.
When we think some aspect of our life is "broken" and something has gone wrong, our brain spends all its time...
Does your brain ever play the "what if" game with you? What if we get sick? What if we lose everything? What if things never go back to normal? What if things get worse?
This is a game you just can't win.
Because it's played in the future. And you live in the present.
Here's a little tool I use to remind my brain that everything is always okay in the present.
Hope it helps!
P.S. If you are feeling worn down by fear and anxiety, come get some coaching and I'll show you how to get real relief.
This week my oldest son is having a birthday and that has reminded me of the experience I had getting him to earth.
It was hard.
It was so hard.
I had never been so sick for so long.
Every week or so, my husband would carry me to the car and take me to the urgent care to get refilled with fluids, so I could regain enough strength to survive for another week while my body created a baby.
My mom, who was distressed about my distress and just wanted me to feel better said, “It’s all in your head. You’ve read too many books and you think you’re supposed to be sick. It’s all made up in your head.”
We laugh about that now.
But here’s the thing. Even if she was right—even if it was all in my head—I was still sick. Even if I just made it all up, it was still creating a very real experience for me.
And I think that’s important to know. Even if it’s just your thoughts creating your pain, you are still hurting. Even...
Sometimes it feels like there are so many things in the way of the life we want.
Our brain tells us that we are powerless in the face of all these things and that makes us feel hopeless.
But here's a sure-fire way to cut through your brain's excuses and start getting exactly what you want.
I hope it helps!
P.S. If you want personal help to see how you are the only thing standing between you and the life you want, you can sign up for a free coaching consultation here.
I think the whole reason we are here on earth having a human experience is to learn and grow—to increase our capacity, to increase our skills, to increase our potential.
And nowhere is this growth more important than in our ability to love.
Having more ability to love starts by recognizing that you are responsible for how much you love. Lovability is based on your own ability to love, not on another person’s worthiness to be loved.
Each of us are 100% lovable.
And so if we find people in our life that we think are unlovable as they are, it is not a reflection of who they are or what they do, it is on expression of who we are and how we love.
This means that if you want more capacity to love anyone, there is an unlimited amount available to you.
The love you feel is always based on what you think.
What you think of others. And what you think of you.
I love knowing that the amount of love I feel is based solely on what...
When people point out our mistakes, we often go right to defense. But this might not be getting you the results you want.
If you want to drop defensiveness, this video might help.
P.S. If you want to feel better but don't know how, I'm here to coach you. You can sign up to see what it's like here.
This year it seems like we’re all getting a lot of practice at experiencing negative emotion.
And instinctively, we want that to stop.
We just want to feel better.
And we think the world needs to change or we need to change the world before that can happen. We think the virus needs to be eradicated, or racism needs to end, or our spouse needs to be loving, or our kids need to be different, or we need to be less broken and get it together.
It all feels pretty bad.
And so we each try to feel better in our own way. (This is true for you and it is true for everyone in your life.)
Everyone who is protesting right now is just trying to feel better. Everyone who wants the protests to stop is just trying to feel better. Every one of us who eats too much or binges too much or yells too much or judges too much or beats ourselves up too much is just trying to feel better.
But feeling bad isn’t created by the actions of other...
I know you've been trying to hate yourself better.
Guess what? It's not working.
I know you've put some serious conditions on liking yourself.
But have you noticed how those conditions never get met and you never get good enough to really like yourself?
The solution is revolutionary: You gotta love yourself first.
As you are.
With all your mess.
With all the things you do wrong.
With all the ways you mistreat others and let yourself down.
Yep. Right now.
You might be thinking, "That will never work."
But remember, hating yourself isn't working either.
P.S. If it feels impossible to love yourself, sign up for a free coaching consultation and I'll show you exactly how to do it and why choosing love is the best decision you could ever make.