Of all the things I coach my clients on, the hardest one for people to accept is the idea that they could love themselves as they are.
Everyone thinks it's impossible.
Given all our problems and all our mistakes and all our weaknesses, most of us think that loving ourselves isn't really possible.
Actually, some people think it might be possible...if they change some things first. If they get their act together and stop messing up...then, maybe.
Everybody thinks they have to be different first. Loving ourselves as is? No way.
But love isn't created by what we do. Love doesn't magically appear when we change or when we become better. It's not something that just happens when we're finally acceptable.
Love is a decision.
It is a choice.
And you make that choice with the thoughts you decide to think about yourself.
Because love is a feeling, it means that love (even for ourselves) is created by a thought. Not by...
This week my coach had me do an interesting exercise. She asked me to account for all my time. To keep a record in 15-minute increments of how I spend all the hours of my life.
It was revealing.
But I also noticed something else.
Because I was observing myself, watching myself, tracking my activities, it changed my behavior. I used my time differently because I was watching myself.
This isn’t unique to me either.
One of the premises of quantum scientific theory is that when we go to observe how particles behave, we inadvertently change the behavior of the particles. Just observing them, changes the way they interact.
But this is why it so powerful to start to observe what we are thinking.
Just noticing what we are thinking can change our thinking.
So if you find yourself feeling bad or acting in a way you don’t want to, just ask yourself, “What am I thinking?”
Do you know what created more freedom for me than anything else?
Figuring out that I get to feel however I want, whenever I want. And knowing that other people or outside circumstances don't ever have the power to control how I feel.
Understanding that is life changing.
Understanding that will free you from the tyranny of being at the effect of your life.
In this video, I share a little example of how that freedom makes my life better...I hope it helps!
P.S. You are free to have the life and the relationships and the happiness you want. Sign up for a free coaching consultation and I'll show you how.
“I just wish I was better.”
“I just want to get my life together.”
“I’ve got to figure out a way to fix myself.”
I hear these phrases a lot.
I hear them from my clients. I hear them from my podcast listeners. I hear them from my own brain.
But the truth is. There is no such thing.
You can’t be better.
Your life isn’t falling apart or put together. It is just your life. Exactly as it should be.
There is nothing to fix. You are already 100% whole.
Did you know that?
It’s easy not to in a world that tells you there is always more and a brain that tells you are never enough.
You can change anything you want.
You can build any life you want.
You can be any version of yourself you want to be.
But not because you are broken. Not because you are unacceptable as you are.
Just cause you want to.
You can change and you can completely love who you...
Sometimes when we get introduced to thought work, we make the mistake of thinking that we should always try to have "positive thoughts."
While there is a place for this, I find I get the most traction in my life when I focus on "effective thoughts" rather than "positive thoughts." Effective thoughts don't just help us feel good—they help us create the exact results we want in our life!
Hope this helps!
P.S. I'm here to help you get the results you want. It happens one thought at a time. Try a free coaching consultation to see what changing your thoughts could change for you.
Last week I talked to
a client who moved to a new country right before the COVID lockdowns.
a client whose transgender child is transitioning.
a client who is debt and feels trapped by their past.
a client who is struggling in their marriage.
a client who is estranged from their family.
a client who deals with anxiety and depression every day.
a client who thinks that God has abandoned them.
In my work, I see people from every walk of life, facing every kind of challenge you can imagine.
It is no different for you. Every human being faces real challenges.
And actually, our brains are really good at solving problems and overcoming challenges.
But when we think that something has gone wrong and that things shouldn't be the way they are, our problem-solving brains get stuck trying to argue with reality instead of figuring out what to do next.
When we think some aspect of our life is "broken" and something has gone wrong, our brain spends all its time...
Does your brain ever play the "what if" game with you? What if we get sick? What if we lose everything? What if things never go back to normal? What if things get worse?
This is a game you just can't win.
Because it's played in the future. And you live in the present.
Here's a little tool I use to remind my brain that everything is always okay in the present.
Hope it helps!
P.S. If you are feeling worn down by fear and anxiety, come get some coaching and I'll show you how to get real relief.
This week my oldest son is having a birthday and that has reminded me of the experience I had getting him to earth.
It was hard.
It was so hard.
I had never been so sick for so long.
Every week or so, my husband would carry me to the car and take me to the urgent care to get refilled with fluids, so I could regain enough strength to survive for another week while my body created a baby.
My mom, who was distressed about my distress and just wanted me to feel better said, “It’s all in your head. You’ve read too many books and you think you’re supposed to be sick. It’s all made up in your head.”
We laugh about that now.
But here’s the thing. Even if she was right—even if it was all in my head—I was still sick. Even if I just made it all up, it was still creating a very real experience for me.
And I think that’s important to know. Even if it’s just your thoughts creating your pain, you are still hurting. Even...
Sometimes it feels like there are so many things in the way of the life we want.
Our brain tells us that we are powerless in the face of all these things and that makes us feel hopeless.
But here's a sure-fire way to cut through your brain's excuses and start getting exactly what you want.
I hope it helps!
P.S. If you want personal help to see how you are the only thing standing between you and the life you want, you can sign up for a free coaching consultation here.
I think the whole reason we are here on earth having a human experience is to learn and grow—to increase our capacity, to increase our skills, to increase our potential.
And nowhere is this growth more important than in our ability to love.
Having more ability to love starts by recognizing that you are responsible for how much you love. Lovability is based on your own ability to love, not on another person’s worthiness to be loved.
Each of us are 100% lovable.
And so if we find people in our life that we think are unlovable as they are, it is not a reflection of who they are or what they do, it is on expression of who we are and how we love.
This means that if you want more capacity to love anyone, there is an unlimited amount available to you.
The love you feel is always based on what you think.
What you think of others. And what you think of you.
I love knowing that the amount of love I feel is based solely on what...