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The Exclusive Party in Your Brain

Apr 23, 2020

 As we go into another weekend of uncertainty and unusual circumstances, I wanted to give you a tool that can help you manage your thoughts and take charge of how you are feeling right now.

Because no matter what thoughts our brain offers us, it's the thoughts that we keep thinking that are creating our reality.  And the more selective we can be about that, the better we're going to feel. 

I hope it helps!

xo,

April

P.S.  You can sign up for a free coaching session if you want some one-one-one help creating a "guest list" you love.

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Test Your Thoughts

Apr 22, 2020

Sometimes we think we need a good reason to believe something.

Sometimes we think we need verifiable facts or evidence or proof in order to justify thinking in a certain way.

But did you know you can choose to think something just because it feels better?

You can.

Without evidence.  Without good reason.  Without a "reasonable" assessment of the facts.

Just because it feels better.

To judge the value of a thought, I like to ask myself two questions:

1.  Do I like how I feel when I think this? 

2.  Do I like what I do when I think this?

If the answer to either of these questions is no, then it's not a useful thought and I can choose to think something else entirely—no matter how "true" it may be.  

If the answer is yes, then I let myself think this thought as much as I want—just because it feels good and because I like what I do when I think it.  It's a win-win.

This week I am choosing to think that the current quarantine is amazing...

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Letting Go of "Coulda" and "Shoulda"

Apr 15, 2020

I saw this meme this morning:

and thought it summed it all up perfectly.  

Today I thought you might like to know that you are doing awesome.

I like knowing that, no matter what, we are always doing our best.  Forget about the "coulda's" and the "shoulda's."

"Coulda" and "shoulda" are just lies our brain tells us to protect us against rejection or expulsion from the tribe.  But they aren't true and they never produce good results.  They just make us feel terrible about ourselves and others.  They make us wallow in self-pity, and self-loathing, and resentment.  

And they are optional.  

Opt out.

The truth is you are doing your best.

And so are they.

Hang in there, my friends.  You're doing awesome.

xo,

April

P.S.  Do you want some coaching this week? I have a spot just for you.

 

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How to Get What All of You Really Wants

Apr 07, 2020

If you are like me, there might be a part of you that feels like giving up.  There might be a part of you that says your goals don't matter anymore—that just surviving is enough right now.

And that part of you might be right.

But before you decide to put your goals on hold or throw in the towel, have a little board meeting with all of you.  Don't just let "present you" make all the decisions without first consulting all the other versions of you. 

The you, thirty days from now. 

The you, a year from now. 

Even the you, a month ago.  He or she worked hard to get you where you are today.  How will they feel if you give up now?

Right now, driven by fear and anxiety and overwhelm and discouragement, present you may not be in the best position to make the decisions that will serve all of you.

So have a board meeting.  Invite all the versions of you.  Past, present, and future.  Give everyone a voice.  Let everyone say what they...

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The Easiest Way to Feel Better

Mar 31, 2020

What were you feeling when you woke up this morning?

I was feeling a delightful combination of discouraged and frustrated, with a little dollop of hopeless on top.  Yum.

But I know that every one of those feelings is coming from my thoughts.  So the first thing I did (and the first thing I do every morning) is I got a piece of paper and wrote down all the thoughts that were bouncing around in my head.  I just emptied my brain out and put all the thoughts on paper. 

It wasn't pretty.  

This morning some of my thoughts were:

None of this matters.
Is this really my life?
Are we just going to do this forever?
I can't believe this is where we are.

See?  Not pretty.  Not logical.  All death, destruction, and doomsday.  This is what my brain produces on default.  But I don't take it personally.  I don't get mad at it and I don't get mad at me.  I just notice that I have a good reason for feeling so bad.  It's always because...

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Thoughts to Help You Feel Better

Mar 27, 2020

Right now, we are all experiencing life as we never have before. With lockdowns and viruses and empty store shelves, the circumstances around us have changed dramatically and our brain thinks this is great cause for alarm.

Our brain's startle response is on overdrive.

But did you know there are thoughts that you can think no matter what is happening?  I call these "circumstance-resistant thoughts."  Thinking these thoughts can allow you to feel peace and confidence and certainty no matter what is happening in your life.  

Amazing, right?

Today I wanted to share a few of my favorite circumstance-resistant thoughts with you.  I hope they help!

xo,

April

P.S. If you want to do your own brain dump and get all the dramatic, fearful, painful thoughts out so that you can feel better, sign up for a free one-on-one coaching session.  It's the fastest, easiest way to get real relief.  I'm here to help.

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Welcome Relief

Mar 25, 2020

A couple of weeks ago I went to the allergist. She put some patches on my back to figure out what is causing so much inflammation in my body.

I have been suffering since October.

I went to the doctor about it on the last day of December. But didn’t get any relief.

Finally, two months later, desperate and resigned, I agreed to see the allergist.

It’s been almost five months since it all started.

I just kept thinking it would get better on its own. Surely, it will get better soon. It’s got to get better eventually. Why isn’t it getting better?  All this while I suffered.

This is what we do. We suffer along. We think it will work itself out. We think it will get better. It’s got to get better. And if it doesn’t, we assume that no one can help us—that somehow we’re doomed to misery.

And so we continue to suffer.

For me, I seem to hit a “suffering tipping point” at which I’m finally so desperate for relief...

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A "Home Workout" for Your Brain

Mar 20, 2020

Happy Friday Everyone,

It's the end of one of the most unusual weeks of our lives—on the one hand so stressful and uncertain, and on the other, so monotonous and boring.  But no matter where you you fall on that spectrum of feelings, it's all created by your thoughts!

In an effort to help you feel better, I recorded a little "home workout for your brain."  This is an exercise you can do to manage your thoughts and feel better any time you want to.

I hope it helps!  Hang in there!

xo,

April

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Heal Thyself

Mar 17, 2020

Last week I went to the allergist. She put some patches on my back to try and figure out what is causing so much inflammation in my body.

I have been suffering since October.

I went to the doctor about it on the last day of December. But didn’t get relief.

Finally, two months later, desperate and resigned, I agreed to see the allergist.

It’s been more than four months since it all started.

I just kept thinking it would get better on its own. Surely, it will get better soon. It’s got to get better eventually. Why isn’t it getting better? All this, while I suffered.

This is what we do. We suffer along. We think it will work itself out. We think it will get better. It’s got to get better. And if it doesn’t, we assume that no one can help us—that somehow we’re doomed to misery.

And so we continue to suffer.

For me, I seem to hit a “suffering tipping point” at which I’m finally so desperate for relief that I seek help....

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Take a Deep Breath

Mar 16, 2020

Right now, life feels pretty unpredictable and uncertain and unnerving.

This is hard on your brain, which does the job of keeping you alive by being a reliable prediction machine—predicting the problems, figuring out the consequences, and anticipating the threats.

But right now, it's hard to know any of these things for sure. And so, our overall anxiety level rises. Everything starts to feel scary.

I want to give you two things that can help right now.

First, take a deep breath. Literally.

Put one hand on your belly. Inhale through your nose. Fill your belly with your breath and feel it fully expand. When you reach capacity, exhale slowly and smoothly through your nose. Rest at the bottom of the breath. Repeat this nose-to-belly breath ten times, noticing your anxiety lessen with each deep breath.

This nose-to-belly breathing immediately slows your nervous system's automatic response to stress. It signals to the brain that there is no danger and allows you to relax.

This...

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