There is a simple little thought choice that we make every day—that we make many times a day—that can change our entire perspective on our life.
That choice is between the words "have to" and "get to."
In our lives there are all these things we could do because we have to do them, or there are things in life we do because we get to do them.
And the most amazing part of this choice is that neither perspective has anything to do with the truth of what is happening. It only has to do with the way we tell the story.
This week my kids are coming home from college and we get to spend a few precious days together. But I noticed this weekend that I was feeling put out and irritated because I had a whole list of "have to's—things that I "had to do" to prep for their arrival and things I "had to do" to get ready to relax and enjoy my time with them.
As I was coming out of the grocery store last night, feeling ragged from my "have to's," it suddenly...
My bathroom scale has bluetooth that connects to an app on my phone that records my weight data every day.
The other day, I stepped on the scale and my app flashed a question: "April, is this you?"
Apparently the data was so different than what it usually is, the app was unsure if it was recording data for the right person.
Yes, it is me. (There's nothing quite as humiliating as when the inanimate objects in your life start to pass judgement on your current results, right?)
Of course, my scale and my app cannot pass judgement. Technically, they can't think for themselves. Which is what judgement is. Judgement is just thinking.
And only I could do that in that moment.
Only I could judge my current result because I was the only one in the room that was thinking. And my thoughts were not positive. My thoughts were creating the humiliation I felt.
When my app asked if that was really me, I had all kinds of judgement about what that meant about...
Did you know you get to believe whatever you want?
I mean, really. Whatever you want.
There is a man in my neighborhood who believes the world is flat. He has a truck that he wrapped with vinyl graphics advertising his belief in the "Flat Earth Theory" and letting the whole wide (round) world know that they've got it wrong. He even has a website you can visit for more information.
This week as I saw him driving, I thought about the things I believe—about myself, about my life, about my potential.
Do I limit myself by what I've done in the past?
Do I limit myself by what I think "is reasonable?"
Do I limit myself by what is considered "common knowledge" or even "logical?"
What would happen if I was willing to suspend all my current beliefs about myself and consider the radically audacious? Or even the ridiculous?
I just want you to know there are no belief police. No one can tell you what you can and can't believe about yourself. (Or anything else for...
I attended a graveside service today.
Our dear friends' were due to have a beautiful baby boy this week, but a few days ago he stopped moving. My friend had a c-section, but wasn't able to bring her precious baby home. This morning we stood around his little casket and cried.
Our hearts are broken.
And as I stood there this morning, I thought about what it means to be human.
There is so much we cannot control as humans. We are powerless and weak. There is not much that stands between life and death for any of us. It's no wonder that our brains are on overdrive trying to protect us. We are vulnerable and our primitive brains know it even if we do not.
But being human also means that we have a pre-frontal cortex that can process thought. The thoughts we think in our brain release chemicals into our body which create all our feelings.
And so this means that being a human requires us to feel.
Today, I felt...
There are 50 days until the end of the year!
And...50 days until the end of the decade!
(See how I did that? I'm so good at math!)
So, what would you like to see happen in your life in the next 50 days?
It's entirely up to you.
Remember, as much as we'd like change to happen immediately or overnight, change is always a process of becoming that happens indistinguishably day by day.
You are not entitled to change. You have to pay the price.
The other day I reread something James Clear wrote in his book, Atomic Habits:
"Your outcomes are a lagging measure of your habits.
Your net worth is a lagging measure of your financial habits.
Your weight is a lagging measure of your eating habits.
Your knowledge is a lagging measure of your learning habits.
Your clutter is a lagging measure of your cleaning habits.
You get what you repeat."
So, I'm offering you a 50 day challenge!
Think of one outcome you'd like to have when the new year arrives and then find the habit that will create that...
Today on my Instagram feed I saw the first Christmas trees going up. Lights are being strung and ornaments are being hung. Yep, already.
I think there is a good reason for this. We all just want to feel better. And for many people, nothing feels better than Christmas. So up go the trees and the decorations and on goes the holiday music.
Every year, a little earlier. Because we all want to feel better—the sooner the better.
Last year I learned a little exercise you can do to feel better immediately—any time of the year. It's called a "Rampage of Appreciation."
Set your timer for 2 minutes.
Write as quickly as you can for 2 minutes, writing down everything you appreciate, everything you're grateful for—from the tiniest things (stamps and eyelashes and pebble ice) to the biggest (life and love and agency).
You can look around the room you are in and notice everything. Notice your hand moving across...
Since this week is Halloween, I wanted to give you a little scare.
Last Saturday morning at 6 a.m., my brother started the Javelina Jundred, which is a 100-mile race through the Arizona desert. He ran all day and finished the race just after midnight at 12:22. When he finished, he had run for over eighteen hours straight.
Pretty scary, right?
The whole reason he signed up and trained and raced was because he wanted to. He wanted to see what he was capable of. He wanted to see how much pain he could endure. He wanted to see where his limits were. (He hasn't found them yet.)
I coach a lot of people who want things in their lives. But then they come up against the universal reality...it's hard. It's always hard.
We want to get up early. And it's hard.
We want to eat right. And it's hard.
We want to love difficult people. And it's hard.
We want to live our dreams. And it's hard.
What if you didn't...
As you probably know, I was trained as a life coach at The Life Coach School. The founder of the school, Brooke Castillo, developed a way of explaining how the world works and how we get all the results in our lives. She called it, "The Model."
In a nutshell, the model says:
> we have thoughts that create our feelings
> these feelings fuel our actions
> our actions accumulate to give us a result.
The model allows you to see that you are never at the unwitting effect of your life or the people in it. You are actually creating your life with the thoughts you think. And every result in your life is there because you first had a thought.
Last weekend I went to the "Modelthon" in Dallas. I got to see Brooke coaching real people with real problems. She's beautiful and funny and smart.
But what I really got to see was the model in action—applied over and over...
Did you see over the weekend that Eliud Kipchoge broke the 2-hour marathon barrier? That means he ran 4:34 minute-miles for 26.2 miles to become the very first human to run the distance under two hours.
Before the race he said, "I don't know where the limits are, but I would like to go there."
I think, for each of us, there is a desire to push past our current limits—we'd all like to see what's really possible for us.
The trouble is, out where the edge of our limits are, it is scary and painful. And we each come equipped with a human brain that naturally avoids anything scary and painful.
What Kipchoge did on Friday was uncomfortable, it was demanding, it was even probably excruciating. And I am certain that his brain vehemently resisted both the pace and the length of what he asked his body to do, all the way through.
But he did it anyway.
And that is the secret for anyone who wants "to go there."
See, the key to reaching past your personal limits...
Traditionally when we think about our goals, we think about the end. We imagine the achievement and how incredible we will feel when we get there.
The beginning is also fun. When we set the goal, we are often excited, motivated, and energized.
Setting the goal and reaching the goal both feel pretty awesome.
But in the middle of the goal, it doesn't feel exciting. It doesn't feel incredible. It actually feels kind of terrible.
And most of the time, we think that something has gone wrong.
We think, "I didn't know it was going to be like this. I didn't know it was going to feel this bad along the way." From the excitement of the beginning and our idealized view of the end, it's easy to gloss over that long, painful middle part.
This happened to me this week. I finished my coach training ("Yea! This feels so good!") only to realize that I'm only halfway to my goal. The entrepreneurial part of my program begins...