This year it seems like we’re all getting a lot of practice at experiencing negative emotion.
And instinctively, we want that to stop.
We just want to feel better.
And we think the world needs to change or we need to change the world before that can happen. We think the virus needs to be eradicated, or racism needs to end, or our spouse needs to be loving, or our kids need to be different, or we need to be less broken and get it together.
It all feels pretty bad.
And so we each try to feel better in our own way. (This is true for you and it is true for everyone in your life.)
Everyone who is protesting right now is just trying to feel better. Everyone who wants the protests to stop is just trying to feel better. Every one of us who eats too much or binges too much or yells too much or judges too much or beats ourselves up too much is just trying to feel better.
But feeling bad isn’t created by the actions of other...
I know you've been trying to hate yourself better.
Guess what? It's not working.
I know you've put some serious conditions on liking yourself.
But have you noticed how those conditions never get met and you never get good enough to really like yourself?
The solution is revolutionary: You gotta love yourself first.
As you are.
With all your mess.
With all the things you do wrong.
With all the ways you mistreat others and let yourself down.
Yep. Right now.
You might be thinking, "That will never work."
But remember, hating yourself isn't working either.
P.S. If it feels impossible to love yourself, sign up for a free coaching consultation and I'll show you exactly how to do it and why choosing love is the best decision you could ever make.
Whenever we decide to go after a goal, there comes a moment when our brain inevitably asks, "Why are we doing this? This is hard. This is crazy. Why am I putting myself through this?!"
Today I have a way to answer your brain that might surprise you.
I hope it helps!
P.S. Our brains don't care about our goals. They prefer the status quo to everything else. That's why having a coach makes such a difference in really getting the results you want. This is what I do for my clients every day. Come try it for yourself.
This weekend I attended my grandpa's funeral.
We stood, safely separated from one another, around his gravesite and thought about a life well-lived.
My grandfather was 95. He lived a good, long, remarkable life.
And still, it ended.
That's the thing about the human life experience: It ends.
The amount of time we get to spend on earth varies for each of us. Some of us get a little more. Some of us get a little less. But there is always an end. One day, the learning and growing and choosing in a human body stops.
Which makes me wonder, are you living a life you love living?
Do you actually like the life you have created? Or are you just going through the motions?
Are you just carrying out the decisions and thoughts of the past, over and over and over again until you're done, because you think you don't have any other choice?
You always have another choice.
Your ability to choose something else whenever you want is...
Lots of times we look at our past and the things we've done and we use that "evidence" to decide what we're allowed to believe about ourselves.
We let our current results determine what's possible for us.
But this isn't the way the universe works. Results don't create beliefs. We've got it turned around. Our results are created BY our beliefs. And when we understand this, anything is possible!
P.S. I know it might seem impossible to believe something new, but that's because your brain thinks your current belief is "true," when actually, it's just a choice. Sign up for free coaching consultation and I'll help you see things in a whole new way!
I used to think I shouldn't need help.
After all, I had the gospel. I had Christ's example and instructions. I knew what to do.
The trouble is I didn't know how to do it. Even though I thought I should.
Love one another. How hard could it be?
Three words. Simple, right?
What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I figure it out? Why couldn't I just do what I knew I should do?
Then I hired a coach to show me how. I stopped thinking that knowing what to do was the same as knowing how to do it. And my whole life changed.
When we hire a coach, it's not because we don't know what to do. It's because the how feels impossible.
Knowing what to do is nice. But knowing how is everything.
What would change if you knew how?
P.S. Every day I show my clients how to get the life they've always wanted. I can show you how, too. Sign up for a free coaching consultation when you're ready to go from knowing...
I used to use Mother's Day as a day to give myself a report card on my mothering. And surprise, surprise, I was always failing!
If you find yourself judging your own parenting in the same way, I want you to think about your parenting and your own parents in a whole new way!
P.S. If you want to heal your family relationships, coaching is the answer. Sign up for a free coaching consultation and see how you can fix any relationship without needing anyone else to change.
It's starting to get warm where I live. We hit triple digits a couple of times this week.
And that means that the pool is starting to heat up.
This year I noticed the way we talk about it. We say things like, "The pool is almost ready," or "The pool should be ready in a couple of weeks."
But what does it mean when we say the pool is "ready?"
For me, it means that the sun has warmed up the water temperature enough to make it comfortable to swim. The pool is "ready" when there is more discomfort being out of the water than there is in getting in the water.
In many ways this I notice the same thing with my clients.
There comes a moment in their life when they are so tired of the unhappiness and pain and powerlessness that they feel, that they are finally "ready" to try coaching.
They reach a point where they are so uncomfortable that the thought of staying where they are is worse that the discomfort of being vulnerable and asking for...
In this little video, I have a really useful tool to help you identify the thoughts behind your feelings. It's all about dropping your judgment and stepping into curiosity.
I hope it helps!
P.S. And yes, I totally misspelled the word "judgment" on the board behind me. Please feel free to judge me for it...or you could get really curious about why it bothers you.
Remember when the quarantine first started? (Whew...it's been a while!)
And people talked about using the time to learn something new, something they've always wanted to do—play an instrument, take up oil painting, grow a garden?
I remember thinking, "It's not going to last that long is it? We aren't really going to have that much time are we?"
But we're still here. And it seems like we might be here for a while. But now my brain says it's too late.
It says that if I had started when quarantine began that I would have made some progress.
But now, we're what...halfway through? ... almost through? ...near the end? And so now there's not enough time to take up oil painting.
We missed the window and now it's too late.
A lot of people think this same way about changing their life and their habits and their results with coaching.
They think it's too late. Too much has happened.
Maybe if they had started to earlier or known...