Episode 27: How to Approve of Yourself (Exactly As You Are)

Episode Summary

Most of us think we are supposed to feel good about ourselves.  And we think there’s something wrong with us when we don’t. 

The reality is that our human brains make it so we don’t feel good about ourselves. Their job is to notice our problems.  And we don’t have to fix that. 

In fact by thinking we have to fix it and solve it, we are adding lots of pain and resistance to our lives.  We are making the fact that our human brains are functioning as they should mean we’re broken and need to be fixed in some way.   

When you can accept and understand that self-loathing is just the human condition, then you can decide how you want to think about yourself, regardless of what your brain is telling you.  

In this episode I give you three thoughts that will help you consciously and purposefully redirect your mind and allow you to approve of yourself even when your lower brain insists that you have problems.

Because the good news is that even though your brain thinks there's something wrong with you, you get to approve of yourself anyway...exactly as you are!  And that my friends is 100% awesome.


Episode Tools and Questions

Self-Loathing as the Human Condition

Self-loathing is the human experience. You are not unique in your wish to be different. No one is immune. No matter how beautiful, how talented, how rich, how holy, how good and kind and amazing you are, every one of us questions our worth and hates things about ourselves and wishes things are different.

That is what happened when our spirit got put in a human body to have an earth life experience.

This is because our brains were wired for survival which makes them hypersensitive to our faults and problems.

The scriptures talk about a veil that separates us from God and doesn’t allow us to remember who we were before this life and I think this veil also means that we question our worth, notice our flaws, and  hate our own selves.

Your self-loathing and inadequacy and insufficiency is the result of living in a human body with a human brain interpreting the world and you in it. That’s it. There’s nothing wrong with you and there’s not even anything to fix about that.

The key is to approve of yourself anyway.  Your lower brain will tell you that you are unacceptable but you don't have to believe it.

The following ideas can help you as you do the work to approve of yourself:

Powerful Thoughts and Questions to Consider

1.  There's something wrong with you and that's 100% okay.

Your brain will keep showing you what is wrong with you.  Because that’s its job.  But you don’t have to pay any attention to it all.  You don’t have to think about it or worry about it or give one moment’s notice to those thoughts. 

There is no danger. You are 100% safe and okay.

When my brain points out all my problems, I like agreeing with my brain by saying, "Yes.  And there's no danger."  or "Totally.  And everything is fine."

 2. Other people don’t have to approve of me for me to approve of me.

As humans we only want other people to accept us, love us, be proud of us, like us, so that we can accept love be proud and like ourselves.

We want to belong in the pack—it gives us a sense of security and makes us believe we are acceptable.  

But we can't wait for people to approve of us.  Because approval is a feeling and only our thoughts create our feelings.  

Other people’s approval doesn’t make us feel good. Our thoughts that we belong makes us feel good. Your thoughts that you are enough make you feel good. Your thoughts that you are loved make you feel good.

And you have 100% control over your thoguths.

Your brain will seek outside approval because it is a pack animal. But you must provide your own approval because you’re the only one who can do it. You are the only one who can make yourself feel good. You have to love you. You have to approve of you. You have to be proud of you.

When this is hard to do, try using the thought "There I Am."  There I am...all of me...with all my weaknesses and all my strengths, there I am.  Use that to work toward the thought, "There I am and I love that I am."

3.  You don’t have to feel good about yourself to show up in your life.

So many of us think we have to fix us before we go after our goals and dreams. 

You have to just know that the inadequacy and self-loathing is a permanent condition. Now what do you want to do?

I like using the word "nevertheless," meaning even though I feel inadequate, I'm going to work anyway.

Answer your  brain with "nevertheless." Your brain will tell you that you can’t accomplish what you want until you solve the fundamental problem of who you are. We don’t’ have time for that. Self-loathing is not going away. You can’t solve for it. Move forward. Say "nevertheless" and do what you came to earth to do.


Episode Notes

Mentioned in the podcast:

  • M. Catherine Thomas speech:  

    “The Doer of Our Deeds and the Speaker of Our Words”

  • M. Catherine Thomas: "Like our Savior, though to a lesser degree, we condescended to come to a fallen world, having agreed to submit to a considerable reduction in our premortal powers. As we came to earth, separated from the presence of heavenly parents, we died spiritually and, in a sense, we were “orphaned.” And now, with memory veiled, and much reduced from our premortal estate—somewhat as aliens in a world that is inimical to our spiritual natures—we may carry an insecurity, a self-pain that pervades much of our emotional life...Do we have a sense of loss from deeply buried memories of who we once were in contrast with who we are now?  Is it possible that we have created the whole issue of self-esteem in an attempt to soothe this fallen, homesick self?


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