Episode 39: 6 Thoughts That are Holding You Back with Susan Dangerfield

Hello, podcast universe. Welcome to Episode 39 of the 100% Awesome Podcast. I'm April Price and I'm so happy to be here with you, sharing this space and sharing the things that I think can help you as you work to create exactly what you want in your life. So this week I actually have another interview for you!

[00:22]
I know that many of you set some goals at the beginning of January and as we are just finishing this month, I think that some of you might be tired. Right? January is the longest month of the year, right? It's like January 79th or something today. Some of you might be discouraged. Some of you might think that you can't really change. Some of you have decided to give up and just settle. And I want to tell you to keep going! I want you to know that your brain is lying to you. All of it counts—everything you're doing. You are making progress, even when it isn't visible. You are worth the fight you have to fight against your own brain, with its constant misgivings and self-doubt and its endless desire to conserve energy.

The truth is that the only thing that really gets in the way of completing or achieving our goals is our own brain—our own thoughts. We could actually just take action forever if our own brain wasn't always trying to talk us out of it or show us how pointless it is. And so I invited my health and fitness coach to join me to talk to you about some of the most common thoughts that keep us from continuing towards our goals, that keep us from trying, that keep us from creating what we really want in our lives.

So, Susan Dangerfield has been my coach for almost two years now. I can't even believe that. And her perspective and encouragement and knowledge have helped me keep going when the going is tough. And so in this interview we're going to be talking about these limiting thoughts and beliefs in terms of health and fitness. But you can apply these thoughts and the tools that she gives to combat the thoughts that are keeping you from any goal you have—because, like I said, no matter what you want it's only your own thoughts in the way. So think about your goal for 2020 and then as Susan and I talk, notice how you can apply these ideas to whatever you're working on to help you eliminate and expose the thoughts that are keeping you stuck.

Okay, you're going to love this. Here we go!

[02:23]
April: So in this podcast I wanted to kind of talk about the beliefs that are kind of holding us back when it comes to taking action. And so, like we all sort of know the actions we're supposed to take. We all sort of know we need to move more, and we need to think about what we're eating, what we're putting in our body, and we know those are the actions we need to take. But we've, over and over again, find ourselves not taking action and like and then we have kind of all these excuses for it, right? Like I used to blame my lack of athleticism, like I was never into sports. I was never—I didn't play group sports, I didn't run, I didn't do like anything, right?

I would blame my genetics, or my past health history, or I just wasn't built that way. All these kinds of things. And also, I sort of felt like I just had like character flaws—like maybe I'm undisciplined or I'm just not tough enough, I don't like discomfort, all these things, right?

Susan: You were telling yourself some negative stories.

[03:21]
April: Right? Like I just always felt like, "I'm letting myself down." And one of the first things that I learned through coaching is that the reason I wasn't taking action wasn't because there was something wrong with me. It was because, like you said, it was what I thought. It was when I thought about myself, right? Those beliefs I had about myself.

And so my thoughts were actually the thing preventing me from taking the action or at least making it a lot harder. I was working against myself. So I know that like a lot of my listeners have lots of action plans for the year, right? They say, "I'm finally going to do this thing that I always say I want to do.

Susan: January is motivating.

April: Right? This is the year I know it! 2020! April: Right? This is the year I know it! 2020! It's all even numbers, like all the stars have aligned.

Susan: The perfect fresh start.

[04:11]
April: So I know they have all these amazing action plans, but they might also have unhelpful thoughts that are preventing them and getting in their way. And so I want to use this episode and your help and expertise to kind of dispel some of those limiting beliefs that are keeping us stuck. And I think it applies to all of our goals. But today we're going to talk specifically about health and fitness and weight loss, and then I think all of these things will apply no matter what we're doing.

Okay, so the first thought that I was thinking is kind of gets in the way is the idea that results should be fast.

Susan: Yeah.

April: And obvious, right? Like I remember when I started on this health and fitness journey a couple of years ago. Like inside I felt like I was moving mountains, right? Like inside I was like, "I'm eating less. I'm sore." I'm like, "Surely," right? And then I'd be like so shocked to walk past the mirror and be like, "Oh. I look exactly the same.

Susan: "I've been doing this for three whole days. Why am I not seeing anything?

April: Yeah. Right. So I think that gets in our way. Can you speak to that a little bit?

[05:25]
Susan: Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, the idea that it's fast is definitely something we wish was the case but just isn't reality. So I like to talk practically about this one. So because people like to set themselves up for kind of unrealistic expectations. So yeah first you need to understand that fat loss isn't fast. Water weight loss might be fast, but actual fat loss is a gradual process of change and it's going to likely feel a lot slower than you think it should be moving.

April: Yeah. So much slower.

Susan: So much slower. So I love the paper towel analogy that I learned from Sohee Lee. She's another trainer and coach. So imagine fat loss is like pulling one sheet off the paper towel roll each day. So our daily actions are where we're going to bring about that loss, but at first, you're not going to notice that that paper towel roll is changing. It's not really till weeks go by that you'll really start to see that change. Does that mean that nothing is happening at first? Of course not. That fat loss progress takes time to see.

So you know that thought in our head, that this should be moving faster or this must not be working, a lot of that is just stemmed on expectations that just aren't realistic. So being practical about it, understanding that fat loss takes time, can kind of help you get into a more positive headspace, so that you are not expecting something that's not going to happen and be disappointed and what we're doing.

[06:53]
So it's pretty common for other people to notice the changes before you do yourself. So when other people start complimenting you or saying, "Oh my goodness! What are you doing??" I think sometimes you try to brush it aside. You're not seeing it. But they aren't seeing you probably as often and their insight on what they see is reality. And so use that as fuel to kind of keep going and that can be really helpful.

So, and then I also like to put an emphasis on how people feel—you know how their clothes are fitting, measurements over scale weight. The way weight is going to fluctuate a lot from day to day—we put so much stock in that. we'll see it one day and we'll be like, "Oh everything I'm doing isn't right."

April: Totally.

[07:31]
Susan: And I get that. It can be frustrating, but so you've got to look a little bit longer-term trends. Look at your measurements. Look at how things are feeling, other people's comments of what they're seeing as well, are gonna give you a better idea as to what's really happening. I know I like to look at scale weight as just one tool. It shouldn't be the only tool for measurement. But it's one tool that you can use if you're using other things as well. And then the other part is I'd have a discussion with yourself from the beginning that this is going to take time. Like just kind of set yourself up from the beginning not that you're going to be disappointed, but that just you're going to be realistic so that you stick with it.

You know, look at your action plan and ask yourself, "Can I do this for more than just a few weeks? Is this something that I can be consistent with for longer than just the month of January?" So the plan needs to be something realistic.

April: Why is January so long?

Susan: I don't know. January can feel really long especially if we set ourselves up for an action plan that's ridiculous. So make sure, even though you're super motivated right now, that it's something that you're going to be able to do and continue to do—you know be able to do for a longer period of time. Because the fact is that that loss is not fast. So it needs to be something that you can do. The actions you're taking can be something you can do for long term. The plan needs to be realistic. Not a huge jump from how you're already living your life.

[08:49]
So I would take like baby steps and build on that and then know that when you have an off-day you can learn from that and continue on. So we're not trained to aim for like a streak of perfect days. We're working on building habits that will last a lifetime and with that will mean some imperfection as you grow and adapt. So when you set yourself up your action plan and your expectations also know that you're going to have off-days and just know right now that even though I'm super motivated today you're not going to be super motivated every day and you're going to have some off-days. It doesn't matter. You just keep going. You know you just keep going. So I feel like just setting yourself up for more clear expectations. And the results that are really realistic is going to help you be in a better headspace for this whole thing and to stick with it for longer.

April: Yeah, totally. I love what you said about expectations. That reminded me of that book by Grant Cardone, it’s like 10x Results or something, but I just remember him talking about how people like optimistically overestimate how well things are going to go, right? And like how fast things are gonna go. Like we overestimate that part of it, and we underestimate like how much energy and effort it really takes. Right?

Susan: Right. That's so spot on. Exactly.

[10:01]
April: We just underestimate that that's going to be that hard. And it really, really kind of is. Okay, awesome. Okay, so when I started my journey, I was surprised at how often my brain pointed out that like I wasn't the kind of person that worked out—like this just isn't "you." This isn't who you are, like it was my identity or something, right? And I was just like kidding myself to try to be something different. Like I have people in my life who are really good about taking care of their bodies and I kind of just in my mind thought like, "They're just born that way. They're different than me in some way. Or that like they grew up playing sports," or whatever it was, you know?

Susan: Like this is their talent but not mine.

April: Yeah, totally. Right. And I even remember going to the gym at the very beginning and just thinking like this isn't who I am. I don't belong over here. Look at these guys. Like they have incredible genetics or something else working for them. Right? And it wasn't till like six months in that I kind of realized, "Oh my gosh. Everyone in here that I can see their muscles, they have worked for those." Like it didn't just like magically descend upon them. Like they weren't just granted that. Like every single one of them worked for it and that was just like such a stunning revelation. It should be obvious, but I don't think it is for really anybody. We think like, "Well that's not me," or whatever. So can you talk a little bit about kind of the idea of like who we are or who we've been in the past and how we kind of let that define who we can be?

[11:37]
Susan: Yeah, I definitely used to think this way. And it's kind of what held me back at first. I relate a lot to what you were saying, like I didn't identify myself as someone that was an active fit person. I was always kind of in awe people that were. But like I said I just was like, "Well that's what they're good at. I'm good at other things," you know? I mean it wasn't like I was negative about it, but then when it came down to it, like you know, I wanted to be more active. I wanted to feel more in control with my with my eating habits. But I was like I had to kind of start working on convincing myself that I was capable of that.

Which is hard to do. I mean I was always kind of a typical yo-yo dieter. I started it—you know, it kind of starts to break you down to think that you're not capable of change. "I've tried all these things—it doesn't work for me." So I think the best next step when you feel like you're stuck in the cycle of no change is to look at your action plan and processes and decide if you're setting yourself up for something that is not realistic for you.

So I think sometimes when we look at someone else that is like really fit, and are really on top of all these things, we're trying to model ourselves to do what they're doing right now and we're not trying to model what we need to be doing right now. Like we all have a "Day One," you know, and we're don't want to be trying to jump to the other side of the mountain before we're ready. So it's pretty common to go from being completely sedentary and eating everything we see from October to December and then in January we feel like we need to do a 180 and like eat nothing but salads and sign up for a marathon.

[13:04]
So, you know, what kind of approach would be more reasonable to where you can prove to yourself that you're indeed capable of change? Obviously if you're set yourself up with something that's such a big jump from what you were doing, you're just going to be disappointed and feel like, "Yep I knew it. I'm just not good. I can't I can't change this about me." But really the questions that you need to ask is you know with the action plan that you have is: Are you ready? Are you willing? willing? And are you able to do this action, whatever that might be?

So it makes people stop and think, "Is this next step too aggressive for me? Can I do this realistically." Sometimes the answer is "no" and that's okay, but that doesn't mean we can't change. It just means that we need a different approach, or a scaled back next step. So what change do you feel ready for?

April: Yeah instead of comparing.

Susan: Yes exactly. What do you feel ready for? Like maybe you don't feel you'll be consistent with food tracking, but you do feel like you can include vegetables with your dinner every day. Maybe you don't feel physically ready to attack like a marathon prep or a structured weight training regime, but you do you feel ready to include walking daily for 30 minutes. So I'd start where you are and build from there. And you know, you'll build momentum and show yourself that you can change and make improvements to your health when it's done in a realistic, step-by-step approach.

April: Yeah, I think you can get real identity shifts like a little at a time.

[14:23]
Susan: Yeah. It's exciting. You do get some momentum from seeing progress and results, which I get, but in order to see that progress and results, you gotta be doing something like sustainable for you. And not just trying to beat yourself up with something that your body and mind isn't ready for you know. So a little at a time.

April: Awesome. Okay, so the next thoughts I want to talk about are what I call like The It's too's." Which is like "it's too hard," "it's too much work," "it takes too much time," "it's too restrictive." All those kind of like excuses that we make. And I remember when I started my coach told me, "What you need to do is plan your food the night before. Plan what you're gonna eat the next day." And I was just like, "Oh my gosh, That is way too hard. Like how am I supposed to know what I'm going to eat? Like I don't control that. It just happens to me." I'm going to eat? Like I don't control that. It just happens to me."

Or like I remember like my brain telling me, "This is a waste of time. You should be helping other people and here you're just spending all this energy thinking about what you're going to eat." Like all these crazy things that your brain tells you—like "this just takes too much time," "this is a waste of time," or whatever it is, right? And I finally figured out all those excuses were just my brain's way of trying to get out of doing the work.

Susan: Yeah right. To justify away what you're trying to do or not to do.

April: Yeah yeah. So do you have any tips for those kinds of thought.

[15:48]
Susan: Yeah. Those "It's too's." Oh I hear that all the time. So I know them, and I've said it myself. So I'd suggest making a list of all the things in your life that you do right now on a day to day basis that you are successful at most of the time. So you know was there a point with those items that you may have thought "it's too hard" or "this takes too much time." Do you ever feel that? But do it anyway because it's important to you and you've made it a priority. So we all have things that we prioritize, and we do them because we have a clear reason—we have a clear why.

So for example I go to church every week even though I could likely justify reasons why it's too hard to sacrifice that time in my day. You know not everyone I know goes to church every Sunday and they seem fine. You know? I could probably justify that away, but I have a clear why for staying active in my church and the bottom line is it's important to me and I'm happier and more focused in my week as well as my family when I attend and serve in church on Sunday.

So if there are health and fitness goals that you have in mind ask yourself, "Is this important to me? Am I willing to do what it takes to reach those goals and what am I willing to do each day?" kind of going back to what we talked about before. So remember that the things you choose to do don't need to be huge monumental task but even just small things that move you in the direction you are wanting to go.

[17:08]
So you know the most successful clients I have are positive with the things they tell themselves. And you know to not just to themselves but to me about their daily actions so even when they have an off day, they share how they are excited to prepare a little better the next day and are optimistic in their abilities to better strategize and put the action in place. And it's possible that these clients are also having negative thoughts. I'm sure they're still having those down moments like, "Oh it's so hard." But then in their check-ins to me they often are spinning a little positive spin on it. And even if it's that's just a show, just for me, the fact that they are able to put in words a positive spin on that affects their actions and makes a difference.

So the clients that have struggled more with seeing results are often caught up in thoughts and phrasing that implies that everything is out of their control—that "it's too hard" because they have long work hours right now, or "it's too difficult" because their spouse is always wanting to go out to eat. But a positive client would take those same situations and be motivated by what is in their control to make the best of those current circumstances. So they might say something like my husband loves to go out to eat for lunch with me on his break a few times a week. So we talked about it and I shared my goals and we chose to eat out at places that offer reasonable portions and nutritional information if possible.

April: Yeah, you're taking the control.

Susan: You're taking the control. Well it's not—I'm not struggling because my husband's. making this hard for me. Like I'm struggling because I could be making a change. I'm still in control and I can communicate those things to other people. Or like if work hours are really high, then they would maybe scale back their workout routine to do something shorter or less frequent in the week, but still do something. So instead of being like a victim to their circumstances they're working with them and finding a way to be successful.

[18:54]
April: Yeah, I found this when I started working with you and you're like, "I want you to get your steps up and like activity throughout the day." And I was like, "I'm working so much." And I had this kind of excuse. Like if I work out and I eat right I can let the slip slide, right? And I kind of had this excuse like "that takes too much time." And I was watching one of your other clients and she's just like, "I don't make any excuses—like I get it done." And I was like, "What would it be like if I just didn't have an excuse? That like no matter how the day went I wasn't going to bed with those steps?" Right? And I went late. And just like kind of empowering myself like instead of like waiting for my life to make it happen to choose to make it happen myself.

Susan: Yeah maybe kind of maybe doing some re-prioritizing, maybe schedule things a little differently.

April: And sometimes I'd literally go at 9:30. I'd take Auggie and we just do our steps. Because I'm like, "I'm not going to bed without it because I really can control it. It's not too hard. I'm not too busy.

Susan: Right, right. Yeah. And sometimes even just like scaling that that next step down just a bit if needed, because I do too sometimes think maybe you are setting yourself up to do something that might feel like too much right now. Well it's like, "Well what would feel like not too much? Could we maybe...? And what could you do that's a little bit better than what you're currently doing, but that feels more realistic for you. There's options.

[20:13]
April: Yeah. Yeah. So awesome. Okay, the next one I want to talk about is the idea like how do we regroup when we've missed a day, or we think we've messed up and we kind of then just give up altogether? altogether? That kind of perfectionism? perfectionism? And I was just this week listening to a podcast and Russell Brunson was talking about how he had a failure kind of early in his life when he was wrestling in high school. And he said like instead of getting frustrated his dad helped him get curious.

Susan: Oh that's cool.

April: Yeah. And he was like, "Frustration is a part of the human experience. Things go wrong or we mess up or we don't meet our commitment to ourself. But instead of being frustrated with ourselves, could we get curious about it? it? And so I was thinking about this last fall. As you know, I had some specific fitness goals and I was just like struggling so hard balancing all my emotions and building my business with all these goals that I had in my nutrition. And anyway, I remember just being so frustrated with myself and kept thinking like, "What is wrong with me? Why can't I get this together??"And I think like it would have been so different if instead of being frustrated I had been curious.

Susan: Like more like a detective with yourself. Like "What could I do a little differently Or and not get so down on yourself?

April: Yeah. Yeah. I just spun in that kind of downward spiral and it would've been so different if I had instead of thinking, "I have to be perfect," been curious. Like, what happened? So can you talk a little bit about messing up or missing a day or not meeting yourself? And then how we move on from those kinds of thoughts.

[21:51]
Susan: Yeah so that thought process is so common. Yeah that's the one that I probably struggled with the most myself. Yeah, I don't think I thought of myself as like a perfectionist but when it came down to it, I realized that I was a little more so than I realized. And I would get really down on myself with missing a day and I was kind of a stumbling block that I had to get over you know.

But it's actually a pretty simple thing to overcome but it just might take some consistent practice with your thoughts. So like going on being curious, I think of it as practice. Like if you have an off-day, "Well it's just practice. You just practicing." Compare it to other aspects of your life that you don't quit if you have a bad day. So I've used this analogy often: do you quit brushing your teeth if you fall asleep early and neglect to do it one evening? Of course not. Does missing does missing one time of brushing your teeth mean that you'll have an infestation of cavities and it's not worth it to continue with your tooth hygiene?

We tend to put like way too much emphasis on power on like one workout and one day of tracking nutrition. So if we miss one time, we feel like it's not worth it. Like you've screwed everything up.

April: Yeah. Even sometimes one meal.

Susan: Even one meal. Like we put so much like power in that one meal. So do you think that one workout will lead to a fit body? Do you think that one nutritious properly portioned meal will lead to fat loss? No. But you know missing one workout or having one moment of overeating doesn't take that away either. It takes meal after meal after meal and workout after workout and it builds upon itself.

[23:24]
So if you have a bad day, it doesn't take away from all the hard work you've been putting in before that. You just keep going. So I try thinking of your nutrition and fitness as like a sliding scale of good, better, and best. So you can even rate your choices on a continuum from like 1 to 10. So 10 being the best choice and 1 being the worst choice in that moment. So because we're human and not robots you won't be able to make the best choice with the 10 rating every moment of your life. And like we mentioned at the very beginning like just having realistic expectations and knowing you will have an off-day.

Even if you're super motivated now you just won't be something that you'll always have. So but does that mean that we should default to a 1 on the continuum or the worst choice every single time we aren't making the best choice? Of course not. So I would be comfortable with the idea of a middle ground and celebrate that. Sometimes we think that that means that we're being mediocre or something with our actions when that's really not a negative thing. We're just finding a middle ground that we can we have, that we can, that'll get us a little closer to what we're doing but isn't throwing us in the opposite side.

And then results just don't come from being perfect. They come from making choices that are just a little bit better than what you were doing before. So what choice could you make that's a little bit better? Maybe you've been struggling to stay consistent like you were mentioning with daily movement. By keeping that up and having a goal of 10,000 steps a day but you're routinely maybe getting 5,000 steps a day and you're getting down on yourself. So how about we change the goal to getting 6-7,000 steps a day and build from there. Like this concept of finding that middle ground and building from where you are is just going to help you overcome that like all-or-nothing approach that leads to discouragement is lack of results. So

[25:11]
April: So it’s interesting as you were talking, I had two thoughts. One, I remember when my sister was going through a treatment program, they kept emphasizing "the next right choice," like the next right decision—like whatever happened before, the next decision is brand new.

Susan: I'm thinking of the Frozen movie.

April: Oh really?

Susan: Did you see Frozen 2?

April: No.

Susan: Yeah. That's one of the songs... "to do the next right thing. When things are really hard, you just have to worry about the next step."

April: Oh my gosh. We gotta turn this podcast into a musical! And then the other thought was, I just finished reading the book by Simon Sinek about The Infinite Game and he's talking about business, but I was thinking about how like our health and fitness is an infinite game. There's no finish line, there's no done. And when we think like, "Well it's all over," like we're just kidding ourselves because we're still here.

Susan: Still, still going. Yeah.

April: And so if we can think about it more in terms of like, "this is the pursuit of a lifetime" rather than one meal or one month or...

Susan: Yeah, this little short-term thing. Yeah.

[26:14]
April: Okay, awesome. So the last idea I wanted to talk about was the idea that like "it doesn't really matter." And that our brain kind of tries to sell us on like whatever we've decided to do "doesn't really matter." It's not that big a deal. And then we kind of don't do it. So for example one of my goals for 2020 was to get better sleep and to like really, instead of just saying sleep just happens to me, but to really like take control of it, right?

And so I like I bought new sheets. I said No Diet Coke after 3 p.m. Like I shut down all my devices by 8:30. I do a little prayer and meditation. Like I'm really like intentional about it.

Susan: That's really awesome April. I love it.

April: I'm like being really intentional about it. But there are nights where I still have work to do, I still have things to do, and my brain is like "it doesn't matter." "It doesn't really matter if we only get five or six today. It doesn't really matter," but in a way that tells me that like the decision I've made and the commitment I've made to myself doesn't matter. And then the result of that is then maybe I don't matter, right? And so as I meet my commitment to myself, even if it's maybe something silly to somebody else, but as I meet my commitment to myself to get more sleep because I've decided that as a decision in my life, then I show myself that I matter, right? So anyway I just thought maybe you could speak a little bit to the idea like when we tell ourselves, "This doesn't really matter.

[27:37]
Susan: Yeah, I feel like that gets down to like the nitty gritty of something—like It doesn't matter. Like that thought we tell ourselves. That's a good one. So I mean I do see this thought pop up sometimes when you know with myself and with clients but when we're trying to kind of justify falling off track. It's like the default thought, "It doesn't matter," right?

So you know that's why it's so important to be clear on your one you're WHY. So like when you're starting out with health and fitness goals and particularly being clear on why you want to be doing this. So then if you struggle with consistency you can go back and read those reasons to remind yourself why you started this to begin with. You know why. If it mattered then, that it most likely still matters to you. So I recently had a client that was struggling with nutritional consistency and exercise and just doing the things that she needed to do the see the results that she said she wanted.

April: So this might have been me.

[28:33]
Susan: I think it's many of us, honestly. This is not a stand-alone issue for sure. So she started to say that maybe she didn't want those results anyway and it doesn't really matter. So I had to ask back, "Well why did you want these results before? And what changed??" And when it came down to it nothing had actually changed in what she wanted. But we did realize that it wasn't really about weight loss, but that she was struggling feeling like she had no control around food and because she was letting food control her. Consequently she wasn't getting the results she also wanted. So was then trying to tell herself a new story about how she didn't really think it mattered anymore and use it like as a means to justify a way out of caring about the food relationship issues.

So this really comes back to the why. We realized that her reasoning for why she wanted a coach to begin with wasn't really to lose weight but to gain better control with her food choices and just feeling good. And that her overeating was leading to feeling run down and frustrated and, in the moment, you might justify and say, "it doesn't matter." But in the long haul it was like beating her up emotionally and mentally and also physically. And this clarification with yourself can help you turn your story around and give you back the control.

So I always like to say that we are in the driver's seat with our eating and our exercise. But when we start to let like life stress you know be in the driver's seat instead. Like we let stress control us then we lose control completely of the direction that we're heading. And that course derailment can lead to like a pretty slippery slope of losing sight of our goals and how we want to carry out day-to-day actions, and we just start to justify, in a way, the easier choice. I think that's normal human nature so like emotional eating is often a result of this loss of control and it starts with our thoughts.

[30:25]
So once we get back in the driver's seat, we can then set up strategies to help us stay on course, even when things are really stressful, or emotions are trying to take over. So like food planning and stocking our fridge and pantry with like quick snacks or simple meals. You know? know? And having like a list of actions that we can go to that don't involve food but that help us to relieve stress.

So once we can kind of get some momentum moving in the direction that you truly want then you can realize like more firmly that it does in fact matter because we feel so much better. So just getting clear on your reasoning for what you're doing to begin with will help you in those moments because when things get tricky and more difficult. Your default is going to be like, "Oh man I don't really want that anymore," you know? know? But you do. You do, and I love what you said about like keeping your commitments to yourself. Like sometimes that's the bottom line. You know maybe there isn't like a clear like result that we're looking for but we're just trying to, for once, like promise we're gonna do something and follow through and do it. And that matters so much.

[31:22]
April: I could not agree more because the truth is like all of our goals are optional. Like it doesn't actually matter what you weigh or what you look like. Like that is never gonna make us worthy or make us better in some way. But when we set a goal and then come up against our excuses and our brain and our own like chatter and fear and all that, then we have a chance to do I think like the most important work—which is to meet our commitment to ourself and to overcome that natural part of us by the higher self, the self that wants something more from their life.

Susan: And doesn't that serve you so well in all aspects of your life when you can do that? It's like a never-ending thing, like it's something you're always going to be working on you know but it's something that it's worth fighting for. You know?

April: I agree because I think it's a skill that translates, like you said, into so many areas of your life. Okay, so those are the thoughts that kind of as I was like brainstorming that came up for me and I'd love to get your perspective, since you have so much experience with clients and other things, of any other like unhelpful thought patterns that kind of stand out that you want to address before we wrap up?

[32:31]
Susan: Yeah. So I mean I feel like you touched on like the more, the most common ones I see, but there was one that was like immediately, "Oh I know.one that I hear all the time," that you know we didn't get a chance to talk about. And you know unfortunately I think one of the most common like thoughts that I see is that is related to negative body image.

So I'll sometimes you know hear from a new client like in their packet or the first couple of emails you know that they want to they want to lose weight because they want to look good for summertime, or they have an event coming up and they want to be confident in a dress or swimsuit. And you know even though it seems like maybe not a big deal to have that thought, but those thoughts like to me as a coach are a red flag.

Because I know that confidence really doesn't come as a result of the weight loss. And if you're not confident in yourself now, then the process is really going to be more difficult. Adherence tends to be more of a struggle because you're fighting for something that you don't have control over—you're fighting for some sort of either a scale weight number or a certain look or something that isn't really directly in your control. Like you're in control your actions and we can work on those, and we'll see what kind of what results are produced from that...

April: But kind of the "when" of the result isn't really up to us.

[33:44]
Susan: Yes. It isn't really up to us. So in the end it can lead to frustration because this type of thought process tends to lead to a continual pattern of nit-picking their body and never really being truly happy or confident with what they see. So although I'm all about like physique goals and that kind of thing, it really needs to be tied with more than that. So I know it sounds cliché but like "body confidence" really isn't a result of a certain size. It's kind of, it's really all about your thoughts.

You know it took me a long time to figure that out myself, but you know sometimes with a client that's struggling with this I'll have them write two to three things that they love about their body in a journal or on their phone every day. So either what they see in the mirror, or it could be a physical thing, or what their body can do, or a blend of the two. And if they feel comfortable doing so then they'll share those with me. And you know just changing the thought process of where they are putting their focus can be, you know, a pretty big game changer and it opens up the door to being able to pinpoint a more productive why for wanting to lose weight.

Susan: Because let's say someone like really does feel it's important for them to lose weight for an event. Well then, the issue becomes now like after that event is over. If that's really all it's about, then what then? then? What after that? I like to see clients build a more like sustainable eating and exercise patterns you know for life, that isn't just like a quick thing for an event but then you just stop doing it as soon as you get to that date.

[35:08]
And this kind of goes back to that common pattern of yo-yoing in the all-or-nothing thinking that so many of us like want to get out of. But it starts with setting a why. And a sustainable plan and positive body image can be built upon that. And getting consistent with some simple daily actions, keeping those commitments to yourself, keeping those promises to yourself, because you know you matter, and your choices matter and feeling good about those choices matter.

And including weight training can be a great confidence-builder as well, as it put some focus on their body strength and growth so that they don't get so pigeonholed in their mentality around solely losing weight. Because that's going to have its ups and downs and you know weight loss of progress isn't apparent all the time that we talked about, but that's why I see kind of red flags if a client starts out by saying that they want to lose weight because they want to look good for this, you know, that's like well there's gotta be more than that, otherwise we're not gonna get anywhere.

You know could it really it's kind of stemming from a place of negativity like you don't like the way you look now that you're how you are already in a war again why or how are you going to be able to keep commitments to yourself and do the daily actions to get there if you're already feeling negative about how you look and feel right. It's like we've got to start with some with some positivity and kind of build from there.

[36:20]
April: Yeah. So, so good. And I think if we're looking for those outside indicators in order to feel confident our brain just always moves the marker.

Susan: It does. It does. That's a good way to put it.

April: We hit that scale weight and then our brains like, "Well there's this and this and this. And it's never-ending and it's a really painful way to go after your goal.

Susan: Yeah, it's a painful way to do health and fitness because it really shouldn't be a negative thing. It should be a positive empowering, strength-building thing. And if weight loss is a part of that, that's awesome, and you can totally have weight loss goals, but it needs to be something...

April: You don't have to hate yourself along the way or like wish you were different.

Susan: Yeah, yeah. Exactly.

[37:02]
April: Okay, awesome. Oh my gosh, you're the best. Thank you for joining me today.

Susan: Of course! This is fun!

April: Yeah. Thanks for being my coach. I'm going to put all your information on my website in the show notes so everybody can find you and the and get connected with you. So thanks again for being here. So helpful.

Susan: So fun.

April: Thank you.

Alright, Isn't she awesome? I'm going to link her information in the show notes for you so that you can get more help from her if you want it. I hope those thoughts and ideas that we talked about will help you as you continue towards your goals past January and keep going until you get exactly what you want.

What if it's entirely up to you? What if what you want is totally and completely up to you and all you have to do is ignore the excuses of your own brain and keep going? This is, in fact, the case. You are the only factor between you and your dreams, and I don't tell you that so you can use that to beat yourself up. I tell you that so that you can see where your power is. It is entirely up to you. And that my friends is 100% awesome! I love you for listening! And I'll see you next week!