Episode 66: Becoming Who You Want to Be as Quickly as Possible

Welcome to the 100% Awesome Podcast with April Price. You might not know it but every result in your life is 100% because of the thoughts you think and that my friends is 100% awesome!

Hello podcast universe! Welcome to episode 66 of the 100% Awesome Podcast. I'm April Price and I'm so happy to be here with all of you. Somehow, you guys, we made it to August, and at least here in Arizona we are still dealing with the Corona Virus. We're still in the middle of it, and I think we started seeing news stories about all this virus stuff in February, and it's still a huge part of our lives, at least where I live. And it doesn't seem like things are going to change, or get better anytime soon. It's starting to feel sort of permanent, you know? And I was thinking about how sometimes all the problems at our lives sort of start to feel like this. They sort of feel intractable, and permanent, like we've had the problem for so long, and struggled with something for so long, that we can't see any way of living that won't include this problem, right?

But, I just want you to know that that doesn't have to be the case. You don't have to wait years, or months, or decades to get relief, and solve your problems. In fact, I have found that some of the biggest changes have happened in my life by my coach giving me just one new thought. So many times one thought, one instant, with my coach has shifted everything. For example, the thought, "she's supposed to be sad," completely changed a relationship with my daughter that I thought would always be difficult. The thought "I'm okay with being 100% awesome," completely changed the way I feel about myself, and undid a lifetime of self-loathing. The thought "I'm proud of all the ways I have spent my money," got me out of shame, and allowed me to get rid of my debt that I had carried for decades.

You can get change, and you can get it fast, and that's why I love coaching so much. You don't have to wait to feel better, it can happen so quickly when you see what your current thinking is creating, and decide to think something else. And I love that. Solve all your problems, and solve them fast, right? I am here to help you with that.

Okay, so today I want to explore an idea that I mentioned last week about deciding who you want to become, and then becoming that person as quickly as possible. And I just want to go a little bit deeper, and I hope that if you are wanting to become another version of you, if you are wanting to grow, and evolve in any area of your life, that this will help you become who you want to be a little bit faster. And I was thinking about this because, as you know last week my daughter began her 18 month mission in Iowa. And so, we all went to the airport to send her off, and give her hugs, and say goodbye, and as she was walking away from us through the security line my other daughter said, "Well, who's going to be the funny one now?"

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They made me think of out the labels that we give each other, and the labels that we give ourselves even, and how we kind of create our whole identities around those labels. And those made up identities not only tell us who we are, but they also tell us who we are not, like if someone in the family is the funny one, then the rest of us are not, right? And I want you to think about yourself for just a minute, and ask yourself what are the labels that I have given myself? What are the things that you just say about yourself that you think are true about yourself? And notice how we kind of used those to make up our identities, right?

So, when my daughter said, "Who's gonna be the funny one now?" My first thought was me. How about me? I could be the funny one, which my brain immediately shut down right? My brain is like, "You are not the funny one. You are the mom, you are the responsible one. You are the one in charge. You are the one who makes sure that everybody get stuff done, right? You are kind of the unfunny one, actually." That's what my brain said, and maybe one day in the past I would have believed what my brain had to tell me. But I am onto my brain now, and I know that all of those things that it just told me, "You're the one in charge, you are the mom, no one here thinks you're funny." Are just thoughts, and that means that none of them are empirically, or objectively true. They are just optional ways that I've decided to think about myself.

They make up what my brain thinks about me right now, but I know that I get to believe whatever I want, and that includes what I think about myself and my identity. And what I want to offer you today is the powerful idea, that you can just decide who you want to be. In anyway, in any area of your life, you can decide who you want to be. That is not fixed. And today I'm going to tell you how to become the person you want to be as quickly as possible once you decide.

So first, I want to introduce the idea that who we are, or our identity is created by the collection of thoughts we have about ourselves. We don't actually have an identity outside of the things we believe about ourselves. We are what we think we are, right? If I asked you to tell me who you are, you would tell me things that you already think are true about yourself. We never say anything that we don't already think about ourselves, right? We say things like, "Okay, I'm organized, or I'm a caregiver, or I'm a peacemaker, or I'm hard to live with.” And we talk about these things like they are fixed character traits, but they are just the way we've practiced thinking about ourselves.

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We do this even with our activities, and we make them like an identity about us, right? I'm a runner, I'm a good cook, I'm a coach, I'm good with money, I'm athletic, or I'm not an athlete. We talk about them as if they are just an objective truth, when we just made them all up. They are the labels that we believe. Like there's no definitive definition of organized, or good with money, or athletic. Those words mean something different to everyone, and it's all based on our own brains categorization of the way we do things. And then we create our identities with those thoughts, and I know that sounds kind of obvious, but it's really important to notice that the inverse is also true. If I am a collection of all the things I think I am, then notice that I also can't be anything that I don't think I am. Like, "I can't be the funny one," when I don't think I am, and until I think I am that thing, I can't be that thing.

So, I often hear people say "I wish I was a certain kind of person, I wish I had a certain characteristic." As if like those things are not available to us, that they're fixed as well. Like we say, "I wish I was smart, or I wish I was a soft place to land, or I wish I let things roll off my back. I wish I loved to exercise. I wish I was an early riser." But the only reason you aren't these things is because you don't think you are. You don't believe you are those things and so you don't identify yourself in this way. And it feels like there is no choice in that, like you either are a thing, or you're not. But I want to say to you today, that it's all up for grabs. The only thing preventing you from being those things is your belief that you aren't them. And you can be anything you want to be, any identity, any characteristic, anyone you want to be is available. You can be a thing as quickly as you can think you are that thing, the only thing between you, and that thing is what you think. None of what you currently think is just the way you are, is fixed in any way, it is all created by our thoughts, and therefore it's as fluid, or as permanent as you want it to be.

Okay so, that is the first thing, I want you to know. Your identity, who you are, who you want to be, it's all up for grabs, you just get to decide. And that decision of who you want to be doesn't need to be limited in any way. I was listening to an interview with a doctor named Zach Bush, and he said, "You have created the story of your life, and who you are through training." Right, like through practice. And he said, "The biggest problem we all face is the story we tell ourselves of what our lives have been, it's keeping us in a box. The story we tell the identity that we've like attached ourselves to is keeping us in a box. The only problem is that story we tell about ourselves, and we don't have to be limited by our old story of who we are. We can decide who we want to be unlimited by our past or our present or the expectations and thoughts and beliefs of others. We just get to decide."

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My coach says this to me all the time, she said to me today in fact, she says, "I think you should just decide to think this. I think you should just decide to think that." And I'm like, "Okay!" Because I know it's just a decision. And I love that idea, you get to decide who you are, and then the work is to become them as soon as possible. Decide is a word that has a Latin root that means to "cut off" to decide means to cut off other choices. So, when we decide that we're hard to live with, or we decide where bad with money, or we're anxious, or angry, we are cutting ourselves off from other possibilities. When we decide to think we are patient, or we decide to think we're rich, or consistent, or someone who loves to exercise, then we essentially cut ourselves from other possibilities of things we don't want to be. And so, we have to decide who we want to be, and recognize that when we do that we are cutting off other possibilities. So, are we deciding things in a way that benefits us? So, ask yourself who do I want to be? What do you wish you were? Who do you want to become? And what if it's just a decision you make. If it was entirely up to you, if it was entirely up to what you decided, who would you decide to be?

Now, your brain is going to want to say, "But you can't just make that up, right? You can't just decide you have to do certain things to be that first. You have to act in a certain way to be able to believe that, and decide you are that thing." But I want you to know that your brain is wrong. Your brain has it backwards. You don't have to do the things to be able to decide you are that thing, you just get to decide. In fact, you have to decide you are that thing in order to be able to do the things. The decision always comes first, the identity comes first.

So, James Clear, wrote this amazing book called "Atomic Habits" and in his book he talks about the idea that when we want to make a behavior change there are three layers of change, and you can kind of imagine it in your mind like the layers of an onion. So the outside layer is when we change our results like lose weight or save money, right? And the next layer, is when we change our processes or the way that we do things in the world, right? And then, the deepest layer, the innermost layer, is where we change our identity, or who we are. And he says that true behavior change requires an identity change, a change from the inside out. And if we change our identity that will change our processes, and our results. So, this is what he wrote, he wrote, "Behavior that is incongruent with the self will not last." You may want more money, but if your identity is someone who consumes rather than creates, then you'll continue to be pulled towards spending rather than earning. You may want better health, but if you continue to prioritize comfort, over accomplishment you'll be drawn to relaxing rather than training. It's hard to change your habits if you never change the underlying beliefs that led to your past behavior. You have a new goal, and a new plan, but you haven't changed who you are.

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So, step one is recognizing that who you are is a choice, your identity is just a collection of thoughts about what you have decided to believe about yourself, and you get to decide whatever you want. And when you do, James Clear says that, "Identity shift will have the most lasting effect on your behaviors, on behavior change." So for me, I just decided that I was good with money. I decided I was a soft place to land. I decided I was a fully booked coach with a waitlist. I decided I was a person who lifts weights, and loves to exercise, and I'm not done deciding, right? I'm deciding every day what I want to believe next, what I want to believe now, what I want to become now. You just get to decide, and then you can go to work to become them as quickly as possible.

So, when we think about becoming something as quickly as possible, our brain immediately wants to go to the actions that we need to take, the things that we need to do in order to become that person. But I want to offer you that our work is always in the way that we think, because actions don't create results, beliefs do. Our actions are going to happen automatically when we think the thoughts that that person we want to be thinks. And so, I want to offer you the idea that you don't need an action plan to become the person you want to be as quickly as possible. You don't need action, you need a belief plan. And a belief plan is just all the things that you need to think to create that version of you that you want to be. Instead of creating a list of things to do, this is the idea of having a list of things to think. So Stacy Bateman, says that "A belief plan is like a to do list for your brain." It's like a "to-believe-list" the thoughts that you want to believe. And to use this concept like even more powerfully I want you to think about it as the things that you need to think today, right? Not the things that you're going to think someday, not when you prove that you are that thing, but the thoughts you need to think today.

So, for example, if you want to believe that you are a person who lives at their ideal weight what thoughts do you need to think today? What does a person who lives their life at their ideal weight think? If you want to believe that you are a person who loves them-self, what thoughts would you need to think today? What does a person who loves and appreciates themselves think right now, what do they think right now? That is my work to think those thoughts. I was just listening to another coach Natalie Bacon on Instagram today, and she was saying how a few years ago she just decided to believe that she was rich, right? Then, when things weren't really that easy financially, she looked around her life as it was, and she just decided to believe, I am rich, and to think the thoughts every day that would allow her to become that thing more, and more.

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So, who is it that you want to become? Really think about it for a minute. In any area of your life like, if you could just be anything what would you want to become? And then I want you to write a list of things that that person believes. What that person thinks. And then you're going to put those thoughts on your brain's to-do list, to think every single day. When there is some version of me that I want to become, I like to ask myself, what do I need to think today to be that person? Not six weeks from now, not in six months, not by the end of the year, but today, in this exact moment. What do I need to think to be that person?

Okay, now maybe a part of you thinks, "April, this is never gonna work! Right? How is thinking going to do anything? How is thinking differently going to make me different?" And I just want you to remember that every thought you think creates a feeling, right? It's not just happening in a vacuum, it's happening in your body. And when you think the thought, it creates a feeling, and that feeling is going to drive all of your action. You won't just be sitting around thinking, right? Because your thoughts will produce feelings that automatically get you into action, but all of that action is now as James Clear says, "Congruent with your-self, congruent with your identity."

Which makes it so much easier to take the action we need to take, especially when it's hard, right? Like I was thinking about this with working out, because the gyms in Arizona opened for a couple weeks there for a minute, and then they closed again. And they're just closed now, and I was thinking about how much I missed going there, right? Like it's one of the best parts of my life, and I really miss it. And the other day when I realized that, it was kind of astonishing, right? Like I am a person who goes to the gym without thinking, without effort, I just have the thoughts, I want to go to the gym. It's harder not to go, than it is to go. I have become that person by thinking those thoughts. And I seriously I remember being the me that walked in there for the first time, and thinking like I don't belong here. But changing my thoughts that I did allowed me to show up there more, and more. My actions flowed from the belief that, I belonged at the gym. Because I believe I'm a person that works out my actions automatically flow from those beliefs, I don't really even have to think about it anymore.

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And maybe some of you can relate to this with your religious beliefs, right? Your actions automatically flow from your beliefs, you don't have to put, be a Christian, be nice to others, on your to-do list every day, right? Because Christ-like actions automatically flow from your beliefs that love is the way. So, I want you to think about extending that idea to other parts of your life. My understanding that if you believe you are that person, your actions will naturally flow from there. Okay so, here are some questions you can ask yourself, what do you need to believe to be that person? What does that person believe? What do I need to believe to show up like that person? What are the thoughts I need to stop believing about myself in order to be that person? And then work on your beliefs, and practice the thoughts that that person believes every day. I like to even evaluate how I did in believing each day, right? I like to notice where in my day I was believing, and where in my day I stopped believing, and at the end of the day I kind of try to evaluate. Do have a stronger belief in who I'm trying to become in this new identity or not? So, you have to make believing the biggest job you have. Believing is the job, believing is the work, it is the way you become.

So, last year when I was finishing coach certification, I hired my first one-on-one coach, and that was one of the first things that she coached me on. I came to her and I was like, "Okay, I really want a coaching business, I want a coaching practice where people pay me to help them create the transformations that they want in their life. How do I do that? What do I do? What do I need to do to create a coaching business?" I was like, "What are all the actions I need to take? Do I need to do Facebook ads? Do I need an email list? Do I need a funnel, right?" And she said, "Your number one job is to believe you can help people." And I was like, "Okay, yeah, but what do I need to do, right?" And she said, "Your number one job is to believe you can help people." And I was like, "Well that's hard, right? Like how can I believe that? I need some proof, I need some clients before I can believe I can help them, right? I need to know for sure that I helped some people and then I can believe it, right?" But she showed me that that was just a choice. Believing I could help people was a choice, and a decision that I needed to make. And the faster I made that choice to believe it, the faster I would be able to help people.

So, I wrote that thought and I put it everywhere. My number one job is to believe I can help people, and I know that that sounds really easy, right? But it wasn't, my brain protested, my brain told me I wasn't there yet. That I wasn't allowed to believe that, that I couldn't believe it because I didn't have any evidence, right? And so, I had to get to work believing anyway. And I did that by going to the future place, where I had paying clients, and I asked myself what do I believe now? Like when I get here what will I believe? When my calendar is full of clients that paid to work with me, what will I believe then about me, and my ability to help them create the results they want in their lives? And I wrote all of those thoughts down the things that I would believe, and I practiced those thoughts. Those thoughts created shifts in my feelings, and now fueled the actions I needed to take to create that next version of me. It all started by really thinking about what I need to believe what future me already believes.

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Now sometimes your brain is going to object to all of this, right? It's going to tell you that it's ridiculous to believe new things about yourself. And as proof of this it'll say things like "Okay no one else believes that about you. If other people knew that you believed that they would laugh at you, they would think you were ridiculous. They would say like, who do you think you are? You aren't the funny one, right? Nobody else is going to believe it." But the most amazing thing I want to tell you is that no one else has to believe it. It's your job to believe it, it's no one else's. You don't have to convince anyone, you don't have to have other people give you their buy in or their permission for you to believe new things about yourself. You don't have to prove that that's who you are to anyone. No one has to even know that you believe these things about yourself, you just get to believe them, and it's always your job.

So, there's this rumor on Twitter and Instagram like kind of all over the Internet about Lady Gaga, right? That when she was in college in the early days of Facebook, that there were some other girls on campus that started a Facebook group called Stefani Germanotta You'll Never Be Famous, right? That was the name of the Facebook group. Stefani Germanotta You'll Never Be Famous. So, Stefani Germanotta is Lady Gaga's given name, right? And turns out she's the first woman in history to win the Oscar, the Grammy, the BAFTA, and the Golden Globes, in the same year. And I don't know if this story about this Facebook group is true, but here's the thing I want you to notice, and the thing I want you to take away from this. No one else had to believe that Stefani Germanotta would be famous. That was her job, and hers alone.

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It's always our job to do the believing, and here's why, because if we believe in our identity as the person that we want to become then those thoughts are going to create feelings, and then we're going to act from those feelings. Lady Gaga was the only one who needed to think that she would be famous, and successful, because she was the one that needed the right feelings to fuel her actions towards her dreams. And if someone else believed that, it didn't actually help her because it wasn't going to create feelings inside of her, and drive her action. In your life, if someone else believes things about you, their belief can't create that feeling inside of you, and fuel your action. So sometimes we want other people to believe in us, because then it's easier to give ourselves permission to believe new things. But you don't need them to, you can choose to believe it regardless of what other people think. And you need to choose to believe it so that you can create the feelings that will cause you to act.

So, one of my clients told me this story about Adam Sandler, and he said that when Adam was at NYU his acting teacher one time took him out for a beer. And while they were out he told him, "Hey Adam, I think you should think about something else. Like you've got heart, but you really don't have what it takes to be an actor, so I think you should choose another path." Now like obviously Adam Sandler didn't listen to this guy, right? And he went on to be super successful, and one day right, when he was out with a bunch of his friends after he had like hit it big, he ran into that teacher. And so, he went over to that teacher with his friends and introduced them. And he said, "Hey you guys, this is the only teacher to ever buy me a beer." Like it didn't bother Adam Sandler that his teacher didn't believe in him, right? Because he didn't need his acting teacher to believe in him, that was his work. And it was only his work, right? And so, he didn't hold it against him that his teacher didn't have that belief, his teacher didn't need it. Adam did. And that's so important for us to remember, not only is that our job, it is only our job.

So, I want to give you one more thought here as you go to put your belief plan into action. Have you ever noticed that whenever you're thinking about something, or googling something, or considering buying something, like the very things you're thinking about show up in the ads of your social media feed? Like somehow the algorithm out there always knows exactly what you're thinking about. It knows what you're interested in at the time, what you're thinking about buying. Like almost in a weird, creepy way am I right? Like who is following me, right? Who is listening in? Anyway, I was thinking about how our brain is the same way, right? Whatever is on our mind our brain goes to work offering us evidence, and possibility about that thing that we're thinking about, right? When believe a certain thing our brain goes to work giving us more information ideas and possibilities about that thing.

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It's kind of like the Instagram algorithm and we can use this built in mechanism in the brain to get us to our goals, to help us become even faster. So, when we decide to become someone, and practice the thoughts that that person thinks, are brain then offers us even more ideas, more possibilities, more evidence of that thing that we are believing. It's like, when you want to become something or someone else your brain is like, okay here you go, right? You might need this. I heard you're a person who has great relationships, here's another idea to help you like make your relationships awesome. I heard you a person who has a 100K business maybe you want to try this, maybe you want to grow in this way. Oh, I heard you're a person who wants to serve others, maybe this is a way. Maybe you should try this, right? Our brain goes to work to provide us with ideas, and evidence that backup our beliefs, and as we think more like our higher- self, our brain produces more, and more ways to be that higher self. It gathers more and more evidence that we are that higher-self, so when we decide to start thinking like the person we want to become, ideas and evidence that support that are going to start appearing more, and more regularly in your brains feed.

That's why our belief plans are so powerful, by thinking the thoughts of the person we want to become, our brains feed becomes more, and more inundated with ideas about that thing. Okay, and then finally, I just want to offer you that when your brain wants to protest that it's just too unbelievable to believe that thing. I want you to remember that that version of you already exists somewhere in the future. The you at your ideal weight, the you that exercises, the you with a six-figure business, the you that has an amazing marriage, they already exists somewhere in the future.

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That person is you. It's another version of you, and you are allowed to believe the thoughts that they believe right now. Remember there are no thought police, you get to believe whatever you want. Whatever you want. Even about yourself. Decide to become the person you want to be, and start thinking like they do as quickly as possible. Ask yourself what do I need to believe today, to be that person? And just choose to believe it. It's kind of radical, right? I want you to try it out for a month. Decide who you want to be in any area of your life instead of thinking about what you need to do. Think about what you need to believe to be them, what that person believes, and believe those things.

The most amazing thing is that you get to become anybody you want to be. Even the "funny one" and that my friends is 100% awesome!

I love you for listening and I'll see you next week!

Thanks so much for joining me on the podcast today. If you want to take the things that I've talked about and apply them to your life sign up for a free coaching session at aprilpricecoaching.com This is where the real magic happens and your life starts to change forever believing your life is 100% awesome is totally available to every one of us. And as your coach. I'll show you exactly how to do that so that you can truly love your Earth life experience the way things are is not the way things have to stay and that my friends is 100% awesome!