Episode 88: Creating the Itinerary of your Life

Welcome to the 100% Awesome Podcast with April Price, you might not know it, but every result in your life is 100% because of the thought you think. And that, my friends, is 100% awesome.

Hello, podcast universe! Welcome to Episode 88 of the 100% Awesome Podcast, I'm April Price, and I want to welcome you to the podcast, and to a brand new year! I hope you had an amazing holiday. For us we went on a little ski vacation, and it felt like a real get-away right? The first real getaway of 2020, actually. So much so, that when Monday morning came, I kind of looked at David, and I was like, do I even remember how to coach? But luckily, it all comes back, right? We turn on the mike, and our brain comes back online, it's kind of amazing. Anyway, and then even today, today was the first call of my very first group coaching program, and it was so exciting, and so awesome, and so much fun and so powerful, right? Like all the so's.

And I just had the thought once again of utter wonder, and amazement about where I am at, and how much really has changed for me over the last few years, and really what is possible for each one of us. And that's kind of what I want to talk to you about today, the possibilities of your life, and a new year. Of course, this is top of mind for many of us, right? Like, what do I want to create in my life this year? What do I want to do? And as one of my clients said to me today, "I'm just so tired of accepting the defeat of my life." And I think so many of us can relate to that thought, the defeat of our life. And she said, "I'm just ready for something to be different." And so here at the start of this year, I want to invite you to take a look at the big picture, and really think about what you are doing here on the planet. I know that time, and calendars, and years even, are just human constructs, right? Like, they're just the way that we measure things, and that any one day is not really any different than any other.

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But here at the start of the year, I do think there's an opportunity to really think about what we're doing here, and think about the wonder of your Earth-life experience, and what you've really been given, right? You have been given a chance to have another year of experience, and learning here on the Earth. And it is such a gift these years, whatever years we each individually have in our body are precious, and uniquely transformative in the eternal scheme of things. The animal part of us, that animal brain in us, it wants to be scared, and stay safe, and always fit in, and never change. And as we choose to not give into that part of us, we are becoming in huge, monumental ways that just aren't available to us in such intensity outside of a human body. And so, I just want to encourage, and inspire you to make the most of your time here in your human body, and to recognize the gift that you have been given.

Okay so, as I was thinking about this and like what you want to create in your life, I want you to kind of think about your life like a trip, like imagine you're going on a trip to Italy, or a trip to Asia, right? What are all the things that you would want to do on that trip? What are all the things you want to experience? What do you want to see? What do you want to be sure not to miss? What are all the things that you want to do while you're there? Now, what I want you to, like, kind of think about, and remember, is that none of your choices on this trip are better, or worse, okay? Any choices available to you and there are just preferences for people when they travel, right? Like David and I have very different ideas about what makes an amazing trip. Like David buys all the guidebooks, write at least two guidebooks per location, right? Because he wants to see all the sights, and he wants to know all the restaurants, and he wants to know all the best places to go, and he doesn't want to miss anything. Me, I just want to find a beach just like wherever we are in the world, I just want to find the beach, right? I just want to find a beach, and read a book until I fall asleep, right?

So, like, even we just went on the ski vacation, I told you that, right? And David, he wants to ski, and he wants to ice skate, and he wants a snowmobile, and he wants the snow. He wants to, like, do all the things, right? And I'm like okay with a couple of days skiing, and then I want a lot of time in the cabin playing games, and reading books, right? So, we all have different preferences about what we want to experience, and it's the same for our lives. Nothing you choose to experience here in your life is better, or worse than any other choice, it's just your preference. But so many times we aren't recognizing our own preference, we're just accepting the default results of our thinking, and just thinking like this is all there is. And I just want to challenge that for you.

Okay, now I want to kind of continue this metaphor for a second, and I want you to think about your trip. And I want you to notice that what you do, or don't do on your trip doesn't make you better, or worse as a person. It doesn't change your worth, or your value as a human being, right? David is not better because he wants to see all the things, and I am not worse or better for wanting to nap on the beach. These are just the experiences that we each want to have. I also want to point out that God doesn't love me any better if I use my trip to catch up on my sleep, or if I see all the sights and all of the things that he created, right? It's available to me, he created it, and it's available for me to see. But his approval does not go up, or down with my choice.

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And finally, the last thing I want you to notice about choosing your itinerary on this trip is that no matter what you choose, it's not going to eliminate the 50/50 nature of life. Whether we see other things, or we sleep all the days, it's still going to be 50/50. Fifty percent positive, and fifty percent negative. And we don't undo the fall, or make it all positive, depending on what activities we choose to do. How my husband would disagree, right? He thinks it can only be positive if we hit all the sites, but it's not true, right? There are always going to be disappointments, and irritations, and frustrations, and lines, and other people, and like there's always going to be 50% negative either way, because we have a human brain which is programmed to find problems anywhere, and everywhere, even on vacation.

Okay, so I've given you this really long, and extended analogy because I want you to notice that your own life and the experiences you choose to have while you're here are no different, right? You have come to Earth, and you get to choose what you want to do while you're here. You get to choose what experiences you want to have, you get to choose, like how you spend your time, what you try, what you see, what skills you gain. You get to pick your itinerary, and notice how anything you choose won't make you better, or worse. It won't change your value in any way, it won't add to your worth, it won't make you a better person. It won't improve you in any way. You are 100% whole, and worthy as you are, your choices, of course, are going to give you different experiences. We're going to have different experiences if we go see the Parthenon, or we sit at the beach, right? Those are just different experiences, but neither one of them are going to make you better.

And it's the same with any experience you choose to have in your Earth-life, and anything you choose won't make God love you, or approve of you more or less, right? His approval, and his love doesn't go up, and down with your choices. Now, of course, the choices we make may determine how much we can feel his spirit, or how much connection with him that we have. But it will never change his approval of us, that is infinite, and eternal, and unchanging. And finally, whatever life experience you choose to have will also not undo the 50/50 nature of life. There is nothing you can do, or accomplish, or achieve, or any skill you can gain that will make you happy all the time, and eliminate the 50% negative parts of life, all right? No matter what you accomplish, your brain is going with you, right? And that means that so is the 50/50 nature of life.

Your brain is still going to find problems no matter what you achieve or accomplish. So, my point is that this year, this gift that you have in front of you, you get to fill it with whatever itinerary you want. You could choose to have any experience with these days that you want to have. Anything you want on the itinerary, anything you want to do, or experience, or learn, or gain, but it won't make you better, it won't change God's opinion of you, and it won't eliminate negative emotion from your life.

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So, then why do we do any of it? Because we want to, right? Just like on a trip, because you want to. Like why does David want to eat at the restaurant that reportedly has the best butter ever? This actually happened, we were on a trip and he said, "Oh, let's eat here, I read a review that they have the best butter." So, he eats at that restaurant because he wants to, because it's there, because it's available, because he can, right? Why does he want to see the Amalfi Coast, even though it's so dark when we get there, that he won't be able to see anything, because he wants to, because it's there, because it's available, because he can. And this is how I want you to think about your life, and your goals, and the things you want to do, the things you want to change, or do differently this year. Don't think that you need to do them to be better, to have God's approval, or to be happier, because none of that is true. Do it because you want to do it, because it's there, because the experience is available, because you're in a body, and you can. Because your life is a gift, and while you're here, you get to have any experience you want.

And I just think you should if you want to. You are here on Earth, what experience do you want to have while you're here? Do you want to write a book, or run a marathon, or love without any conditions, or develop an incredibly compassionate relationship with yourself, or live 300 pounds, or pray every day, and connect meaningfully with the God who gave you life? It's your life. What experience do you want to have while you're here?

So, all of these thoughts sort of reminded me when we were on our vacation, my daughter was like dying, laughing about this girl that she found on the Internet somewhere. And the girl was saying how she had been banned from Wikipedia, because she had gone in to the Wikipedia page, about Ray Romano, and she had changed all of the verbs on the Wikipedia page to like hypothetical verbs. Now, I don't think there's actually something in the world called hypothetical verbs, but these are the kind of verbs that she did it. So, she changed everything to be like he might have done this, he could have done this, it's possible he did this thing instead of that he actually did. So, it read something like "Ray Romano might be in American standup comedian, actor and screenwriter. He could have won an Emmy." They'd changed all the verbs to like possibilities instead of like things that he had actually done. And my daughter was just laughing and laughing about it, right?

But it really made me think that in reality, everything in Ray Romano's life was, and is optional, right? He could have been an actor, and a comedian, and a screenwriter, or he couldn't have. He could have won an Emmy, or he couldn't have, like everything in his life was optional. But he had the experiences he had, he had the career he had. He had the Emmy, he had the awards. He had the life he had, because he chose those experiences. But until he chose them, they were all just optional. He could have listened to his brain, and like used his accounting degree, and continued to work at the bank where he met his wife all of his life. Maybe he wanted a different experience instead of all these hypothetical verbs. He actually had that life because of his choices, and it's the same for you.

Like, the life you have is all optional. And I want you to think about the things that you really want. I want you to think about the things you want to do, and experience, and learn while you're here on Earth. And I don't want you to get done, and just have a list of hypothetical verbs, right? She could have learned Spanish, or he could have had a successful coaching practice. Or she might have written an online course, right? He might have finished, and sold his screenplay, right? Like, I want you to really imagine that. You can have what you want, or you can all just stay optional. Hypothetical. Could all just be could's and might's and possibilities.

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And while we're at it, what we're thinking about this, let me just add that there may be experiences that you have had enough of, and you don't want anymore of, right? When I was going through coach certification, my mentor at the life coach school, Kris Plachy, told me that she made a list of all the experiences that she had had enough of, and she just didn't want to have anymore, right? Like I remember she said, I'm done with the experience of being poor. She's like, "I've had that experience, and I'm not going to choose that one anymore. And bread." She said, "I've had enough experiences with bread, I'm done being poor, and I'm done eating bread." I've had enough of those experiences. And this is where I've gotten to recently with self-doubt, right? The experience of self-doubt, like I've just realized it's a waste of time, and I'm done with self-doubt. I think every time my brain wants to offer me that, I'm just going to say, no, I'm done with that one, right? Like, what if it's all hypothetical verbs ahead of you, and you could just write them out of your life, or into your life, whatever it is you're done with, and whatever it is you want to have, it's all just hypothetical verbs and you get to choose them.

Okay, so I really want you to think about this, and ask yourself, what do I want to experience? What am I done experiencing? What is it I want to do for sure while I'm here? And not just hypothetically, because you get to you guys. You get to you get to create the experiences, and the life that you want. And the only thing in the way is your own brain. Your brain is the one that says you can't. Your brain is the one that says it's too hard, or you don't need to, or you've never done it before. Your brain is what stands between you, and any experience you want while you're here on Earth, and your brain is powerful, but you are more powerful, and you get to choose. And I'm telling you that if you manage your brain and you stop letting it run the show, you can create the experiences you want to have.

Okay, so I just want to give you three quick tips today to help you get your brain out of the way this year, and get the experiences you want. Okay, so those three things are, first, start telling yourself the truth. Second, stop wanting, and waiting to feel good, and third, accept where you are as if you had chosen it. OK, so I'm going to break each one of these down for you.

Okay so the first one is to start telling yourself the truth. So, for each of us, there are results that we want in our life, and then there are the behaviors that we're going to need to do to get us there. Now for any goal that we have we don't always control the timing of the results. And sometimes to get what we want, it's going to take a lot of different tries. It's going to take a lot of trial and error. But if we're just wishing that we could be an Emmy winning actor without doing any of the behaviors required, we need to be honest, and we need to get real with ourselves, right? The hypothetical verbs on Ray Romano's Wikipedia page are not going to change if he never shows up to a comedy club, or he never goes for an audition. Our hypothetical verbs, and the experiences that we want to have aren't ever going to appear out of nowhere. And if we're not doing any of the behaviors, or trying the behaviors that we think we need to do to achieve our goals, we need to get real with ourselves, and we need to be honest about what's happening. Start telling yourself the truth, and stop indulging in the lies that your brain is giving you to keep you the same, to keep you stuck. Those indulgent lies are the thoughts. Like, "I don't know how. It's too late. I'm scared about what other people will think, or I don't want to fail, or I've never done it before."

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These are the things our brain tells us to keep us the same. Your brain wants to say the same, and if you aren't taking action towards your goal, you need to ask yourself, what am I thinking that is keeping me from taking action? What are the thoughts that are keeping me from the behaviors that I want to be making, okay? And then whenever that thought is, we have to tell ourselves the truth about it. So, for example, if your brain says, well, it's just too hard, the truth is that this is just what our brain tells us to keep us safe. But there's no such thing as too hard. What is too hard? We can't even define it, there's no such thing. Don't buy the lies your brain is selling, they are keeping you in a life of hypothetical verbs, okay? They are keeping you from all the things you want to do. Tell yourself the truth.

Okay, number two, that goes along with this is I want you to stop wanting, and waiting to feel good. So the primary mechanism, remember that your brain has to get you to stop, and stay the same, is negative emotion. In other words, the primary way your brain has to get you not to do things, is to make you feel bad. So, if you are okay feeling bad, then your brain no longer has any power over you. It can't stop you. Our wanting to feel good, is where the brain gets all its leverage. And so, if you stop wanting things to feel good when you go to do them, then you are going to overcome your brain.

And the example that I give all the time is in my business, right? When I first started my business, my brain did produce so much negative emotion. It just the last thing it wanted me to do was go in there, and turn on my computer, and coach someone. It just like produced so much anxiety, and fear, and dread, and inadequacy to get me to stop. And I decided I didn't need to feel good, that my brain was going to protest, and it was okay. And so, I just kept at it, and eventually my brain gave up creating all that negative emotion. And it got to feel really confident, and powerful in my coaching, right? And then I decide, okay the next step in my evolution is to start a group coaching program. And this morning, guess what? My brain just started all over again with all the emotion of trying to make me feel bad, right?

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Fear, inadequacy, dread, anxiety, all of it came all up again. My brain is like, stop now, this is a very bad idea, we're going to die. But all of that negative emotion is always just a lie to keep me from the life I really want. And being willing to feel bad is how we do an amazing, epic things in our life, right? This is how we get the experiences we really want. I can't tell you how excited, and proud, and joyful I felt after that group coaching call today. I felt so alive, and excited, and thrilled, and none of that is available to me if I have to feel good all the time, okay? If I'm willing to feel bad, there is no experience that I can't have.

Okay finally, number three, accept where you are right now, and love it as if you had chosen it. So one of the things that I find gets in the way of achieving our goals, or going after our dreams, or having the experiences we want, is the idea that it's going to be better there than here, right? I feel like life afterwards will be better than our life right now. And then, we get in a real big hurry to get there, and we start judging ourselves that we aren't there already, or that it's taking too long, or that we're never going to get there at this rate. And if we can stop judging our progress, or what our brain has like identified as a lack of progress, and recognize that it's never better there, than it is here, that it's always just 50/50, then we can love our life as it is, instead of waiting for some mystical arrival place when we can give ourselves permission to love it.

This is your life right here in this place. And so many times we are just waiting for things to be different, to start enjoying it. So, this morning I gave my clients an exercise, and I want to give it to you, and have you think about this for a minute, okay? So first I want you to think about the result that you want in your life, the experience that you want to have. As you look at 2021, I want you to pick one thing that you want to do in your life experience that you want to have. Once you have that in mind, I want you to think for a minute about why you want that, okay? Why do you want to achieve this thing? Why do you want to have this experience? Why do you want to accomplish this thing in your life and write down that? Why why do you want that thing? And when you do that, I want you to notice that why we want what we want, right? Why we want the experiences that we want is always a feeling.

If we want to lose weight, or build a business, or start a podcast, or improve a relationship, we want that thing because we think we will feel something if we do that. But I want to remind you that if we feel better when we do it, if we feel better when we get there, it will only be because our thoughts have changed. The circumstances in your life can't change your feelings. So many of us set goals, and come to self-improvement to change those circumstances. We want to change our lives. We want to change who we are, because we think our life, or who we are is the thing creating our negative emotion, right? We think who we are, or what we're doing is why we feel bad. But it is always our thoughts about us, or our life, making us feel bad. And if we know that, then we don't have to be in a hurry to change our life. Whatever you want to change in your life, or whatever experience you want to have while you're here, you get to change that.

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But remember, it won't make you feel any better. Your thoughts are what make you feel better. Your thoughts are what make you feel anything. You can love yourself, and your life right now. By the way, you think about those things. You don't have to wait for the feeling you want, it is never created by your experience anyway, it is created by your thoughts. And then you can just enjoy the experience of getting what you want in your life. Stop judging yourself and where you are right now, okay? So many of us, we start to become aware of our power to create things in our life, and then, we get really mad at ourselves for not creating it already. And this is not useful. The key to creating what you want in your life is always complete awareness of your power to create it, and complete acceptance for where you are right now. That complete acceptance, is the only leverage you need to be able to change things, and create new experiences in your life, okay? So, start telling yourself the truth, stop wanting, and waiting to feel good, and accept where you are as if you had chosen it.

Now, as you go to create the experiences you want in your life, there are going to be some setbacks, right? Things aren't going to go as planned, they're going to be some failures even. There's going to be some negative emotion. And I just want to end today by sharing something that one of my coaches, Simone Seol, wrote in an email the other day. And I hope it's okay that I share this, but it was just it was so meaningful to me at the time. She was talking about failure, about one of her failures. And it was just so helpful to me, and I thought it might be helpful for you to hear at the beginning of this year, as you set out to create the itinerary of your life.

Okay, so speaking of her failure, she wrote, "I made that experience mean, here's another failure that adds up to my greatness. Here's how I proved to myself that I'm in the game and getting dirty for real, instead of watching from the sidelines, and fantasizing about doing it perfectly. I couldn't be prouder of myself for it, because for the longest time, the fear of failure kept me out of the arena, and there I was finally in the arena, even if I was taking a blow. I'd take that any day over being a passive spectator to my own dream."

Do you hear what she's saying there, instead of, like, taking the hypothetical verb like she was right there in it, and she would choose that any day over being the passive spectator to her own dream. So beautiful, right? And she continues, "So I dusted myself off and kept going, honor yourself for being in the arena, falling on your face, taking a blow, getting a nosebleed, you can think it's terrible, and awful, or you can think, this is where I want to be. This is how I get strong. My dreams do not belong on the freaking bench. Keep going, warrior."

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Isn't she awesome? Your dreams do not belong on the bench. That is my wish for you. Your dreams don't belong in the bench. Your verbs do not belong in the hypothetical realm. You have the privilege of another amazing year of life on this planet, and you are entitled to any experience in it that you want. And that, my friends, is 100% awesome! I love you for listening and I'll see you next week.

Thanks so much for joining me on the podcast today, if you want to take the things I've talked about and apply them in your life so that you can love your Earth-life experience. Sign up for a free coaching session at aprilpricecoaching.com This is where the real magic happens, and your life starts to change forever as your coach. I'll show you that believing your life is 100% awesome is totally available to every one of us. The way things are is not the way things have to stay. And that, my friends, is 100% awesome!