Episode 93: Enoughness

Welcome to the 100% Awesome Podcast with April Price, you might not know it, but every result in your life is 100% because of the thought you think. And that, my friends, is 100% awesome!

Hello, podcast universe! Welcome to episode 93 of the 100% Awesome Podcast. I'm April Price and I want to start today by thanking all of you who have left reviews of the podcast in the last couple of weeks. You are 100% awesome! And David is totally delighted, right? The other day we were at dinner and he was reading Amy Logan's review and at the end of it she said, something like, "Hey, Price family, have a great dinner." And David looked up and he said, like, does she know us right? Probably after 93 episodes, you really do know us pretty well, right? Maybe too well. But I am so grateful to you for your reviews, and for sharing the podcast with the people that you love. It means so much to me to see the podcast growing, and so many people benefiting from it. And I decided that I'm going to do some sort of giveaway when we get to 100 episodes, and all of you that have left reviews, I'm going to do a drawing with your names, and send a couple of you a package of something awesome!

If you're on Spotify, and you can't leave a review, you can just post a podcast episode that you have enjoyed onto your Instagram feed between now, and then and tag me in it so that I can see it. And I will include you in the drawing too, okay? I'm thinking something fun, like a new set of headphones, and the best book I read last year, and something fun to eat or wear, right? So, if you want to share your love of the podcast, and be a part of that give-away leave review, or share the podcast on your social media, and then tag me so that I will know about it, and I will create a list and do a drawing.

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Alright, you guys. Well, I have been thinking about this episode for a little while now. There are some things that I think you need to hear, and I really want to say it in a way that will bless you and help you. And so, I want to talk to you today about the idea of "enoughness." About being enough, about what that means, about what it means when we think we're never enough, right? And how this, like, ever elusive enoughness that we are all searching for is available to us, but it's not available in the way that we think. It is not available from the action line, and from the things that we do, but it's available to us through the thought line. In other words, enoughness is never going to be available to us because of the things we do, or don't do. But it is wholly contingent instead on how we choose to see ourselves, and how we choose to think about ourselves, and the way that we're living our lives. And I want to help you see yourself in all of your enough today.

Okay so, in fact, that line from Isaiah keeps coming to my mind this morning. It's like, "Come now, let us reason together, right?" And that's what I want to say to each one of you, like, okay come here, come now, let's reason together. Let me tell you about your "enoughness" and the thoughts I think you should have about yourself, and let me tell you why, okay? Now, of course, you get to choose, you get to think about yourself any way you want, and I love you no matter what you choose. But I still want to make a case for these thoughts today. I want to show you why I think you should choose to think about yourself, and your absolute unchanging enough ness right now, okay? And I want to explain all this to you, and lay out the case for you. Okay, now, ironically, as I wrote this outline, my brain kept saying, like, "This isn't enough. This could be better, you've fallen short and failed yet again, right? And I just smiled because this is what brains do. Okay so, I'm going to explain this to you, and then I'm going to give you a few tools that have helped me, and that I hope will help you in your life.

Okay so, a couple of weeks ago I was talking to my daughter, who is on a mission, and she was upset, and crying and she told me, "You know, Mom, I just feel so stressed." And I asked her, "What's the thought, Savannah, that's creating so much stress for you?" And she said, "I'm not doing enough." And I said, "Yup, that'll do it, right?" I'm not doing enough, is one of these poison thoughts that seems like it would be so useful, but it never is. It leaves you in a perpetual state of striving, and grasping, and chasing, all the while belittling, and begrudging, yourself for any effort that you do make. It minimizes the good, and perpetually moves the goal line to like the never arriving land of enoughness. Like this magic land that we never, ever, ever get to, okay? When will we be enough, and do enough? No one can say there is no definitive definition. There's no like GPS, right? We just don't know how many miles are between us, and enoughness. And we just know that we aren't there yet, and we're just going to keep pushing ourselves for not being at this place yet, but the place doesn't actually exist. And so, today I want to offer you a couple of different ways to think about enoughness that I hope will help you choose to think differently when your brain offers you this thought, "I'm not enough."

Okay so, I want to just start with the definition of enough. So, the dictionary defines it as "occurring in such quantity, quality, or scope as to fully meet demands, needs, or expectations." So, it's a measurement of something, an amount, right? Or a quality of something as compared to a set of demands, needs, or expectations. And herein lies the problem, our brain is measuring us, our ability, our capacity, the quality of our output, and it's measuring it against an expectation, its own expectation. And no matter what we do, or don't do, no matter what we accomplish, or achieve, no matter what we master, or learn, that expectation is problematic because it's not a fixed target. And no matter what we are measuring, our brain seems to move that target, and we never actually meet the expectation. Our desire and quest for enoughness is flawed from the very beginning, because what the brain demands, or needs, or expects us to be is not fixed, it's always changing. And we never, ever, ever arrive back.

7:43
And we think it's because we aren't measuring up, right? That the quality, or quantity is not enough, but it's because the one doing the measuring is stacking it up against an ever changing expectation that is always skewed to find us lacking. So, imagine running a marathon and getting to the end, and then the officiators saying, "Oh, no, like we expected to do ten more miles." So, we like run ten more miles, and then I'm saying, "Well, it's not quite enough. Let's do ten more and see if that's enough." Right? And we just keep moving it, and you're going to say like, well, where is the finish line? And they're like, "Well we'll let you know when you get there." Like at some point you're going to stop running, right? It just feels so like, defeat feels inevitable, because we just keep moving that finish line. Okay, or let's just say you have a three hundred thousand-dollar mortgage on your house, and you pay it off. And then the bank says, "Well, that's not enough." Right? We've changed the demands of the loan, and we we demand a hundred K more, right? We'll let you know when you've paid enough, like none of us are going to enter into that bargain, right? But we do it with our brain all of the time, our brain does this to us all the time.

And we think the problem is us, our output that we are lacking, but the problem is always the unfixed expectations that our brain is always moving, and measuring us against. So, that's first, and then, the next thing that I want you to understand is that every human brain does this. Every human brain is moving the marker, every human brain is finding its particular human lacking, and not enough. All the people you admire their brains think they're not enough too. I promise you, it isn't unique to you, and the awful mess that you happen to be? This is the human condition, and I think of it simply as an effect of the fall, right? When the scriptures talk about being separated from God, and undergoing a spiritual death, I think that this feeling, this kind of ever present persistent, something is missing, I'm not enough, there's something wrong with me. This feeling is the manifestation of that separation. It tells us there's something not quite right here, we don't quite belong here. And I know that I've shared this quote with you before, but I think that Katherine Thomas described this kind of universal vulnerability, and insecurity that we face as a result of the fall so perfectly. So, I want to share it with you one more time here.

She says, "Like our savior, though to a lesser degree, we condescended to come to a fallen world, having agreed to submit to a considerable reduction in our pre-mortal powers. As we came to Earth, separated from the presence of Heavenly Parents, we died spiritually, and in a sense we were orphaned. And now, with memory veiled, and much reduced from our primordial estate, somewhat as aliens in a world, that is inimical to our spiritual natures, we may carry an insecurity. A self-pain that pervades much of our emotional life. Like Adam, and Eve, we feel our self-consciousness. She says then, that "We then spend much of our lives trying to compensate for this, trying to solve for this and trying, as she says, "to soothe our fallen home sick selves."

And one of the main ways that we go about this is by finding all the things that are wrong with us, and then trying to fix them. We're like, sure that is the problem. We're just, like, convinced that if we could just be enough, if we could do enough, if we could just get it right, if we could solve the problem of us, okay? Then, this "not enoughness," this insecurity, this vulnerable feeling, would go away too. But I want you to know that you are trying to solve for a problem that isn't caused by who you are, okay? It's caused by the fall,it's caused by the nature of your Earth-life experience. It is the result of you as a spiritual being, taking up residence in a physical body. Residence in a world that is separated you from heavenly parents. You are strangers in a strange land, as they say, as the Prophet Jacob says, "We are just wanderers here, okay?" And I tell you that so, that you can stop thinking that you need to fix something about you in order to change something that is just part and parcel with the human condition. It was set up this way from the beginning so that we could have a learning experience. And your brain is making the separation mean something negative about you, or the way you're living, or the way you're doing it, or kind of like as an overall statement about your worthiness.

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But one has nothing to do with the other, it's just the conditions of Earth-life. And I want to release you from the idea that you need to solve for not enoughness. As I told one of my clients the other day, like, "There is only one person who can undo the fall, and it isn't you." So, stop thinking that you can compensate for this, and that you can somehow become enough, right? There is only one person who can undo the effects of the fall, and it isn't you. I want to offer you that your brain thinks the problem is you, but it is wrong about this. In fact, there isn't even a problem to solve here, it's just the human condition created by the fall and it is in fact a necessary condition for progression, okay? We can't progress without it, without the separation.

So, to summarize that the feeling of "not enoughness" is not created because you aren't enough, it's not created by you, and your and what you do in the world. It's created by the fall. It's part of your human experience, and there is nothing you need to do, or can do to solve for it. And then, second, being enough, and arriving enough doesn't exist anyway, okay? It's a concept entirely made up by our brain, and its own expectations that you can't ever achieve because of the fickleness of those expectations. So, we've got to stop giving ourselves a job we can't do, okay? We can't solve for the fall, and we can't meet the ever moving expectations of a brain that only notices what's wrong with us. That only notices like, okay, these are impossible jobs. So how are you to stop giving yourself impossible job, and trying to feel enough.

Now that we understand that, I want to talk about enoughness in one other way, because of the conditions of the fall, and the tendency of our brain to see us as not enough, we humans have tried to get around this by using the ideas of achievement, and even righteousness, as a way to circumvent these conditions, okay? There's this like, really painful idea out there that we can earn our "enoughness, we can earn our good enoughness, or if we can achieve enough, and accomplish enough, then we can qualify for enoughness in some way, okay? And some people have used this in terms of achievement, and goals, and thinking that, that is the way to enoughness. And then, we get busy setting goals, and crossing of lists, and setting up all kinds of arbitrary conditions through which we think we can achieve enoughness.

But when we start achieving with the fundamental premise that we need fixing, and that we aren't enough, then we're doing everything with a desperate, anxious, impatient energy. We're just like standing over ourselves, tapping our foot, waiting for us to be different. And this is the least effective way to change, okay? We end up being so scared of our own disapproval that we don't allow ourselves to learn, or try, or fail, and we just retreat. If we are doing everything because we don't like ourselves, or we hate this, or we wish this was different, then we are just fueled by inadequacy, and desperation. And those feelings aren't ever even alleviated by any progress we make because any progress we make is still, as you guessed it, not enough. And one of the places that I think is really painful for us, where we're trying to be good enough to earn our good enoughness, is in our spiritual lives.

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So, many of us have this idea that we need to be better, or more holy, or more diligent before we can be enough, and worthy of God's love. And then, from that place, we don't access the gifts that God has given us because of our perceived not enoughness, or we use the gifts he has given us against ourselves. The idea that we aren't enough yet, but we could be if only we were different. And so, let's get busy. Fixing all this stuff is a lie, and even though it sounds like hopeful, it may be important to fix all these things, it is extremely painful. The truth is that nothing we do, or don't do can ever add, or subtract from our ineptness. Nothing we do or don't do ever saves us, or makes us like ultimately enough like in terms of salvation, okay?

So, I was talking to a client the other day who was like totally distraught that her kids might not figure it out in time. She said, "They might not figure it out in time to make enough changes, and do enough, and be good enough for what's required by God, right?" In order to qualify to return to him. And I said "None of us can do enough for what's required. There's not enough time for any of us, no matter what our choices are. Your kids are in no more danger of not doing enough than you are, or I am, or any other person that has ever walked the Earth." Right? None of us can do enough to qualify, but luckily it's not up to any of us. Our enoughness or not enough ness will ever make a bit of difference in qualifying for what God has in store for us. So, this is one of the greatest paradoxes I know. We are in every way 100% enough, whole, complete, beloved, acceptable, as we are. And in every way, we are not enough in any way to save ourselves, or qualify for redemption. We are enough, and never enough. That's the paradox, right? and nothing we do impacts that.

What I mean to say is like you are not enough as a mother to save your children from disaster, but that's not the job. You are 100% enough to love them as they are. You are not enough to fill your spouse, and make them happy, but that's not the job. You are 100% enough to love them as they are. And you are not enough, and can never do enough to save yourself. But that's not the job you are 100% enough to be worthy of salvation. So there's a scripture that I love in the Book of Mormon that talks about how there is no other name, whereby salvation comes only in, and through the name of Jesus Christ, right? And I think for those of us that are in the Christian tradition, believe in Christ, and believe in his saving power, like we believe that, right? Or at least we say we do. We think, of course, there's no one else who can save me, but then we give ourselves the job of qualifying for that, saving by the things that we do, and the choices we make. And in effect, we insert our own name into the saving. There's no one that can save us by Christ and of course, that's me, right? That's what we're saying, right? Like, somehow I got to be enough, to be worth saving.

Now, this doesn't mean that we're going to just stop doing good. It means that we stop doing it from fear, we stop doing it from lack, we stop doing it from a position of brokenness, and we do it from love. We act from desire, and love, and not the desperate necessity to run from ourselves. So many of us are scared to put down the weapon of "not enoughness." We think that it's the only thing keeping us from total disaster is believing we're not enough, right? But I think we are in so much greater danger of estranging ourselves from God, and eroding the relationship with ourselves through shame, and self-loathing than we ever are from like, separating ourselves from God, from the mistakes that we make, okay?

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Like my daughter right now, she thinks the thought I'm not doing enough is the necessary way to improvement. She thinks it's a tool for change. But right now, it's just a weapon of self harm, right? Of course, you're not doing enough, that's impossible. You have a brain, and doing enough is not the job anyway. The job is to do what you can with what you have. And for every single one of us, whatever that is, it's always enough. And, of course, never enough. But it doesn't need to be any more than that, okay? And that's the paradox, it is so powerful for you to be able to hold both of those ideas in your mind at the same time.

Okay, here at the end today, I want to offer you a different way to start seeing yourself. When I coach my clients, I always start from the position that they are whole, and complete, and brilliant, and beautiful, and beloved. No change necessary. I never start with the assumption that there's something wrong, and that we just need to get in there and fix it. We always start with the premise that we are whole, right? You are 100% lovable. What's right about you is so much bigger, and more important than the things that your brain thinks need to change. And I want you to start seeing yourself like that, okay? And I want to give you this little tool that might help you. I want you to sort of imagine all the parts of you, okay, all the parts of you that you like, and admire, and that you're proud of. And then all the parts of you that you wish were different, and the parts that your brain is sure are not enough, and are never going to be enough, and definitely need to be fixed. Okay, how are you to imagine yourself with all of these parts of you, and I want you to imagine yourself in a Junior High lunchroom, okay? So, there you are in the lunchroom. There's all these parts of you, unpopular parts of you, parts you don't really like, right? And for a long time, I want you to notice how you have rejected so many of the parts of you saying that they like weren't allowed to sit with you. Right? They're not cute enough, are smart enough, they don't have their stuff together. Funny enough, they're not good enough, right?

And I just want you to decide to be friends with all those parts of you, okay? I want you mentally, and emotionally to invite all those parts of you to sit down at your table, OK? I want you to be like, hey, you you can sit with me, this is a safe place. You are welcome here, you are enough, okay? And I'm not going to tell you that you need to be any different before I let you sit with me, and before I love you, before I am your friend. I want each of you to be a better friend, and really love and understand all those parts of you. Your job isn't to negate all those parts of you so that you can somehow become enough, and somehow meet some standard of enough ness that your brain has. As I said before, there just aren't enough parts of you for you to hate, for you to like fix for your brain to ever get on board and think that you are enough.

So, your job is to love you, and to be friends with you, and to not need you to change, and to know that every single part of you sitting at that table is enough, okay? Enough. And to spare these are you they are not perfect, and they don't have to be to be enough. We have spent years saying these parts of us are unacceptable, these parts of me need to be different, to be enough. All of that is untrue. There is no such thing as not enough, and when your brain says this part of you is unacceptable, you let it come, and sit by you. You tell that part of you, you are enough for me. You are enough for God. Okay, and when you love yourself like that with no need to be anything different or measure up to any other standard, you will find that love is the greatest change agent there is. I promise you that love is the way it's the way to change through joy. Your brain is 100% wrong about your not enoughness and 100% wrong about how to achieve enoughness. Your enoughness just is no achievement, no change necessary. You are 100 enough and there is nothing you can do to change that.

And that my friend, is one hundred percent awesome. I love you for listening and I'll see you next week.
Thanks so much for joining me on the podcast today, if you want to take the things I've talked about and apply them in your life so that you can love your earth life experience. Sign up for a free coaching session at April Price Coaching Dotcom. This is where the real magic happens and your life starts to change forever as your coach. I'll show you the believing your life is one hundred percent awesome is totally available to every one of us. The way things are is not the way things have to stay.
And that, my friends, is one hundred percent awesome.