Episode 150: Counting on YouMar 17, 2022
We’ve all experienced the disappointment and regret of not coming through for ourselves. We decide to go after a goal, make a change, stop or start doing something and… it never happens. But we don’t have to keep piling on the guilt and shame we feel for constantly letting ourselves down.
What you can do is learn to count on you. We can build a rock-solid relationship with ourselves so that we know we will always have our own back.
Here are the 3 essential steps to take to start counting on you:
- Understand that you are separate from your brain. When you realize that there’s you, and then there’s your brain, you can make deliberate choices instead of defaulting to whatever your brain wants.
- Have the courage to feel negative emotion. Your brain will never not have some opposing view to offer you. When it gives you inadequacy and self-doubt, cultivating the courage to feel those emotions is what will allow you to move forward in spite of them.
- Hold a firm vision of where you’re going. Remember the future you want to create. Envision that future version of you who has already done what you want to do. Holding a firm vision of where you’re going and the real, tangible results you will create will help you keep showing up even when it’s hard.
Welcome to the 100% Awesome Podcast with April Price. You might not know it, but every result in your life is 100% because of the thought you think. And that, my friends, is 100% awesome.
Hello podcast universe. Welcome to Episode 150 of the 100% Awesome Podcast. I'm April Price and I am so excited to be here with you. 150 episodes. That's not nothing, right? I was just looking up this morning, 150 episodes. That's a lot of hours that you've had me in your ears, there have been over 135,000 downloads of this podcast. And as I think about that, like, I am just so grateful to past me for showing up and so grateful to past you for showing up all these weeks, and for listening, and enjoying, and supporting the podcast. And I'm so grateful for the hours that I've put in, for the work that that I have put into this, to have created this library of information and help. And I am so glad that I kept going. I'm so glad that I didn't listen when my brain said, Hey, no one cares about this. This is stupid. No one likes you and you don't have anything valuable to say. And you're so annoying.
I am so glad I didn't listen to my brain. I'm so glad I didn't believe my brain when it told me these things. I'm so glad that I didn't let all the negative emotion that was created when I thought those thoughts stop me from continuing to create what I wanted in my life. All the self-doubt, the inadequacy, the confusion, the shame, like so much shame, you guys, I can't even tell you. But I'm so glad that I was willing to feel bad and keep going. And I'm so glad I didn't let those negative emotions keep me from creating what I wanted to create and to keep me from continuing to move forward. This is brains, they want us to stop, but that's just your brain. And then, there is the work that you get to do in the world, the impact that you get to make, the experiences that you get to have, and the only like requirement to any of that is not listening to your brain.
So, I just I just want to be really transparent and let you know, like my brain offered plenty of protest, especially at the beginning of the podcast. But at any random moment my brain will say like, that was a really stupid episode, I don't think anybody's going to get anything out of that. And like, my brain will just like still offer me the same self-doubting, shameful thoughts, right? And I hope you know that, that is is true for me as it has ever been. And I really do think that we do a disservice to ourselves when we look at people that do things that we want to do and we tell ourselves that somehow it's different for them.
Like, I know most of you don't want to start a podcast, but there are things you want to do in your lives, and you look around you see other people doing them, and your brain tells the story that it must be different for them, that they don't have the same resistance that we have. We tell ourselves that they must have less self-doubt, they must have more confidence. They must not get imposter syndrome, they must not have shame or fear. And all of that is nonsense because they are humans, and because they have human brains. And so, for sure they have all the protests, all the objections and all the negative emotion that your brain offers you. And when we tell ourselves that it's different for them, different for somebody else, then it's really easy to give our brain and the emotions that it produces, like all the credit for us not getting what we want out of our lives. We're like, it's different for me, and we give our brain all the credit, and then we don't get the experiences we want. We become powerless in our own lives.
The reason I tell you the truth about how I feel is so that, you know, like, okay, if I'm having this experience and my brain is offering me protests, and my brain is telling me I can't do it, my brain is offering me lots of negative emotions like that is totally normal, and I can still move forward. I can still get all the things I want out of my life. I often listen to the Rich Roll podcast and he has people on there who have done amazing, amazing things with their lives. Like, just like accomplished amazing physical feats, mental feats like they've just done amazing things. And they would tell you the same thing when he brings his podcast on there, they do not think they are special. They do not have any less resistance. They talk about how much fear they have. They talk about how scared they were when they started. They talk about wanting to quit and wanting to give up and and choosing to keep moving forward. I mean, every one of them says, yeah, I was so scared, right?
But the difference is like being scared understanding where it's coming from and then choosing what you want anyway. So, at this milestone of 150 episodes, I think it's just a really fun opportunity to look at how we show up in our lives consistently enough to create the things we want. How do we go from talking about doing something to actually doing it from like wishing we had a podcast metaphorically to being 150 episodes in? How do we become a person that we can count on? Just today, I was on the treadmill it was, like, painful. It was a struggle my brain, and my body were protesting, and I just, like, wanted so badly to give in, to slow down, to give up, to say, like, today's is not my day. Like, you know, we'll try it again another day, it doesn't really matter, and my brain kept telling me, listen, this event that you're training for is more than six-months away. You have plenty of time today, doesn't really matter.
And like I really was debating, and contemplating getting off that treadmill, saying, like, I don't know, it's just I'm just too tired, you know, I don't have it today. I'm just not feeling it today, that kind of thing. And in my mind's eye, I kind of just went forward to that moment six-months from now, that moment at the end of my event.
So, I'm doing this event where the goal is to climb the equivalent of Mount Everest, 29,000, 29 feet. And in order to do that, it's on Whistler Mountain. And so, obviously that's not as high up as Mount Everest. And so, we're going to have to do the ascent eight times. And when you do the final ascent, like as you start out on that final ascent, you wear a red bib. That kind of like indicates, hey, this is the last ascent I'm going to make, I've done seven of them, and now I'm going to put on this red bib, it's going to be my final ascent. And when you get to the top, then you earn a red hat, and today, as I was like on that treadmill and my brain was like begging me not to, I had this image come into my mind of me wearing that red bib, and wearing the red hat, like at the finish line, right? Like it was me having completed this event. And in my like, mind's eye, I could just see her, being so grateful to me. And in fact, counting on me, counting on me today in the middle of March, you know, on a random Saturday, counting on me to put in the time and the miles, to build the muscle, to build the endurance, to build the strength, to build the aerobic capacity, to build the mental fortitude, to keep going. And I could see her in the future counting on me today.
And it was such a powerful image for me. And I want to offer that image to each one of you. Like, there is just something so powerful about thinking about the future version of you that she or he is counting on you. And how do we become a person that, in fact, we can count on, that we can count on to show up when things are hard? I'm convinced that there's no better feeling than being able to count on yourself. The me being able to be a person who says, Yeah, I'm going to do this thing and know that no matter how hard it is, no matter how painful it is, no matter how much protest your brain is going to give you, no matter how much negative emotion it gives you that you will show up and you will keep going.
The other day, I was relistening to an interview that Leah Goldstein gave, and she did this race a number of years ago, actually now about a decade ago, the race across America on her bike. And in the race across America, you're trying to ride your bike across America in 12 days. And she actually just last year set one that entire event, like the men, the women, everything she beat everybody. But in 2011, the first time that she was doing this event, you know, she was making good progress, and she was like, you know, had a really good pace going. And she was like riding her bike in about like two and a half days in. She got this thing called Shurmur's neck, which is basically like your neck can no longer hold up your head.
So, your head weighs like eight or 10 pounds right? And your neck is not designed to be able to hold it up for 12 days. How did you ride this bike? And so, two and a half days in like her neck, just stop lifting her head and her like chin was just like down at her chest and she just couldn't even lift her eyes to be able to see the road. And like, she was just like, okay, we have to figure out a solution, it wasn't like, okay, I guess we're done. Instead, she was like, no, I've made a commitment here, I'm crossing America one way or the other. We got to figure out a solution, and so she ended up shaving her head. So from ear to ear in the back, she shaved her head and then braided all the hair on top, like into these bandages and then tied the bandages. She made these long braids with these bandages, tied those bandages to her heart rate monitor on her back, so it would like if basically pull her head up by her hair for the final nine and a half days of this race. And like, she was just like, you know, the interviewer was like, well, like didn't that hurt and she was like, oh, it was excruciating. And then she said, but what choice did I have?
And I'm listening to this interview and I'm like, well, you know, the choice, there was a choice there. We could have just stopped. The other choice was, yeah, I'm done with this race, right? But for her, she had developed such a relationship, like with herself, she knew that she had made a commitment and that she could count on herself and that, okay, now we just have to problem solve for this. But but stopping was never an option in that moment, in the moment of extreme pain or moving forward. She can count on herself. And I am not by any means saying that like you need to be in that much discomfort. But what an amazing relationship to have with yourself to to get to a place where, you know, you can count on yourself. And when you tell yourself, I'm going to do this thing, I'm going to start this thing, I'm going in on this thing, you know that it's going to happen. And I just think, like, everybody deserves to have that relationship with themselves if they want it. And I honestly think, like, there's no greater power, there's no greater quest for any of us than to be able to have that kind of relationship with ourselves.
So, I want to just talk about the things that I see, things that you can implement and do to help you to be able to count on yourself more and to create this relationship with yourself. So, I think, number one, the very first thing you have to understand is you really have to be able to separate yourself from your brain. Like what is happening when we stop, and when we quit? We are really confused about who is making that choice. It sort of feels like we're making the choice, it sort of feels like we're giving up when it's always our brain trying to talk us into it. And you have to be more and more aware of the point of choice. You have to know that you have more than one option. And when you aren't used to separating yourself, and what you want from your brain, when you don't have the awareness that those are two separate things, it's hard to see the second option. All we see is the quit option. All we see is the stop option.
But when you really start to get awareness that, there is me, and then there is my brain. And we are two separate entities, then you know that there is always another option regardless of what your brain is offering you. Regardless of the negative emotion involved, regardless of like all the cajoling and all the talking you into stopping, you know, there is another option. This was actually one of those things these were the main pain points for me before I found coaching. Like, I really could not count on myself, like, in any area of my life. Everything I said I was going to do, like I never did, right? And that I didn't know how to change that, I didn't know why I would, like, want things, and I would like, really desire things in my life and, like, declare that I was going to get them and then not, and then not show up. I didn't know why that kept happening. And I learned that it was because of my brain, I wasn't taking action consistently in my life because of what I was thinking. There was nothing wrong with me. I wasn't fundamentally, irrevocably broken, right? Like, very simply, I just wasn't taking action because I was thinking thoughts that didn't produce action, that produced giving up, that produced fear, enough fear to like have me not even try thoughts that caused me to stop whenever it got hard coaching. Did it ever give me new choices? All it did was reveal my real choices, the choices that were always there and that I was never taking.
I couldn't count on myself, I was just believing I only had the choice my brain was offering me. Before coaching, I thought I had to be tired, I had to be worried, I had to be upset, I had to be angry, I had to be disappointed. Like it felt like there weren't any other options. Coaching showed me that whatever experience I was having was only one choice of many of millions, really, and that if I wanted a different experience at any moment in any area of my life, it was always available to me. As soon as I was able to start distinguishing, and seeing what I was choosing and what else I could choose, then I started to be able to count on myself in so many ways.
Okay, the second thing that I think you need to be able to count on yourself is courage. And courage for me means a willingness to feel bad. An awareness that, you know, my brain is trying to stop me, it's going to produce negative emotion, and the courage to move forward anyway. After I got certified as a life coach, I had so much fear and insecurity about starting my business and starting to coach and and like my brain just offered me so many reasons to stop. And one of the very first things I did was hire a coach after I finished certification, because there were things that I wanted. I wanted to be able to create a business. I wanted to be able to help clients. I wanted to have this life in which I was a coach and I, you know, offered relief and and also created a business for myself.
And I knew how much courage that would take, I knew what I was up against. I knew my brain was going to protest and that it was going to just it was going to tell me, like, that I should give up and that I shouldn't do it. And I knew that I was going to have to be able to choose courage anyway, that when my brain offered me all that inadequacy and all that self-doubt, I would have to be willing to move forward anyway. I think a lot of us think that, you know, in order to get what we want, in order to be able to count on herself, I have to have a lot less negative emotion. I have to be less scared and I have to have less self-doubt. I need to be more confident. We do. We really associate like I will be able to count on myself when I have less resistance to this, I will be able to count on myself when it's not so hard, I will be able to count on myself when I don't have so much negative emotion. And I just find that, you know, waiting for that negative emotion to go away, just like it hasn't happened to me yet.
Of course, it's created by my brain, but I also know that sometimes I don't need less negative emotion, I just need courage in the moment that there's just so much that's hard and scary that I've never done before. And sometimes that fear and anxiety and self-doubt is going to come with me. But if I also choose courage and then also nurture the thoughts that create courage, I can still be able to count on myself and show up even when I'm scared. Like really literally this morning as we went to the gym, we pulled into a parking lot, I told my husband, I'm scared. This sort of like personal record that I wanted to do in my training today, and I was scared and I didn't have to make that go away before I got on the treadmill. I just also had to have courage. And that is like such an important element to being able to count on yourself that, yes, I am going to be scared and I'm doing it anyway. Yes, I am going to, you know, have some self-doubt and I'm going to my brain's going to produce shame and all of those things, and I'm still going to create the life I want. And that is the power of courage.
The other thing that I think will really help you be able to count on yourself is to have a firm vision of where you are going. Just like the experience I had on the treadmill this morning like that, that version of me that's already done it. She is beckoning to me, and the vision of where you are going can help you continue to show up, even when it's hard. And this is something that I love having a coach for. I want you to notice that your self-doubt is only there because you know your brain is there to protect you. But anybody outside of you viewing the things that you want to do and the things that you want to create in your life, they don't have those doubts. Like their brain doesn't say, you can't do that, it's only your brain saying that. And this is why I just love having a coach, because she never doubts that I can't create what I want. She never questions that I can't have everything that I think I can have.
And like I said, I I'm doing this endurance event with my brother and he's already done the event a couple of times. And on Sunday I was talking to him about it he's like, hey, where are you on your training program and how are you feeling about things? And I was telling him where I'm at and like the things that I'm scared about, the things that I'm worried about. And he just said like, don't worry, I'm going to be there and I know exactly what we need to do, and I'm going to be there to be able to tell you, okay, this is the next step, this is the next thing, and I will just break it down for you. And like, it just felt so good knowing like, hey, he's not going to leave me alone out there with my brain and like, like he is going to have other thoughts to offer me. He's going to have other like ways to help me look at things when things get hard. He's like, I know exactly what you're going to face, I know exactly what needs to happen, and we just have to take it one step at a time. And I just think it's so powerful to have a coach in your corner who knows exactly where you are. Who knows it's all normal.
Who knows, you're always exactly where you should be. And the next step you need to take like from their vantage point, they can see where you're going and they have no doubt that you will get there. And I'm just so grateful for that in my life. I'm grateful for it. Like in all the areas of my life, I'm grateful for my coach when she said, like, you are a soft place to land, I'm grateful for my coach that says like, you can have $1,000,000 business someday. I'm grateful for my coach who like holds a vision of what I can have in my life, who challenges my limiting beliefs about what I can have. And so, if you feel limited by your vision for yourself and like what's possible for you, I want to invite you to coaching. I don't have any of those limiting beliefs. I know that everything you want is just one thought away.
So, the last thing that I want to talk about before I sign off here is just like why any of this matters? Why does it matter if you can count on yourself? Why does it matter if you can create the things that you want in your life and consistently show up for yourself? And like I said at the beginning, like, it's the relationship with yourself that matters so much. And for each one of us, I'm sure you've had the experience in your life where you notice how you always show up for other people, when other people are counting on you, when other people ask you to do things, when other people need you to do. Things like you show up and do them even when it's hard and even when you don't want to, right? And you've probably had the experience where you notice, like, yeah, I show up for other people, but I don't show up for myself. And we kind of get down on ourselves because of that. And we're kind of like, why do I care what other people think? And then like when it's my goal, and when it's, you know, when it's showing up for me, I never do it.
And I just want you to know that that is biology, okay? Like you are programmed biologically to care way more what the group thinks, what other people think. At one point, if you got kicked out of the tribe would be very dangerous, right? Like there's way more at stake when other people disapprove of you. At least your brain believes that biologically it's not actually true anymore, right? But your brain believes it's way more dangerous, there's way more at stake. It's way more life and death to worry about what other people think than what we personally think. Now, of course, that's not true, but that's what your brain is programmed to believe. And so, the very fact that you care more about what other people think is totally normal, right? It's biologic and it's not a problem. But I just want to offer you that your relationship with yourself is one of the sweetest, most desirable things that you can work towards and that you can have.
I love giving myself a challenge and knowing that I can count on myself that I will come through for myself. And I want you to just start believing that you can count on you. So, many of us are waiting to believe that we can count on ourselves until we do something. We're, like, making ourselves prove it first before we can believe it. But we have to believe that we can count on ourselves before that will change our actions. And you don't have to prove it to yourself first, you just get to believe that you can count on yourself. And that's, like, the perfect place to start. I want you to know that you never have to earn your beliefs. You never have to, like, prove they're true. We don't earn beliefs, we choose them. We choose what we want to think. We choose what we want to believe. You get to believe that you can count on you and that will start that snowball of showing up consistently for yourself. And like I said, I just don't think that there is any better feeling.
The other day that I, I was on the treadmill and I like, put in my mind that I was going to go at a 30% incline, which is like way higher than I've ever gone. And it was going to go on it for longer than I ever had, and when I finished that climb, like, I just, like, sobbed. And I was talking to my son about it and I was like, I could not stop crying. And he's like, Why? You know, like, was it that bad? And I was like, no, like, I was just so proud. I was so proud that I had done something that my brain didn't want to do. And I just think, like, there's no better feeling. And he wrote back, because he's training with me, he's doing it, too. And he said, I know exactly what you mean. And for all of you, like, I want you to have that experience. I want you to have the experience of just being so proud that you can count on you and that you can get what you want no matter how much resistance there is.
And I've had the alternative. I've had the other feeling where I just felt like I could count on nothing from me. And, like, I just want to invite all of you to the place where you can be proud of yourself. And the other reason why we show up, and do hard things in our lives is just because, like, we gain so much knowledge in the process of that goal. Like, you are just you just learn things about choosing that you can't know until your brain is protesting. And that's what you want anyway. That growth, that learning, that becoming. I mean, like, really, honestly and truly, who cares about 150 episodes or the endurance event or the coaching business? Like, it's just so apparent to me here at 150 episodes, like I can see so clearly what I'm really doing by creating a relationship in which I can count on myself. What matters is what I had to become, what I had to overcome, what I learned about me as I did it.
Like the story that changed about me as I did it in my own head. Like at the end of the day and at the end of my life, no one is going to ask me how many podcast episodes I had. Like, this is not an exit question, right? Like, it doesn't literally matter. All that's going to matter is like, what did you learn how? What did you learn about choosing? What did you learn about exercising your agency? And this is just like one area in which I get to do it. What area do you want to do it in? You get to choose. It's your life and who you become and what you overcome as you do, that is what matters.
Can I be honest with you for just a minute here? I don't know what you think when you look at that 150 episodes. Like maybe you think like, wow, that's a lot. Or maybe you think like, so what? But when I look at it, knowing who I was when I started, knowing how inconsistent I was at showing up for myself. Like, I kind of look at it in awe, not the in and of itself it's anything amazing. There are a lot of people with 150 episodes on their podcast or four times that or whatever. But because of what it represents. Because of the changes in my own brain that it represents. Because of like the relationship with myself and who's really in charge of my life and what that represents. And coaching is the mechanism by which I was able to do that, by which I was able to like access the real me and make choices for the real me instead of just letting my brain run the show.
And I, made a post on Instagram the other day. I don't know if you saw it, but, you know, I just wrote like when it comes to coaching, like, I never, never wish I had my money back. I never wish that I had the time back that I've spent in coaching. I never wish that, gosh, I wish I hadn't learned this or I wish I didn't know how to love my husband or my kids or myself. Like, I never wish that I didn't have this confidence or this belief or I never wish that I didn't know how to count on myself. I never wish that I could go back to my life before coaching. I only like when it comes to coaching. I only ever think I wish I would have started sooner. And if you want to count on yourself, and if you want to show up consistently enough to create the things you want in your life. Coaching is just the best way I know how to do that. And I want to invite you to it. My next group starts in just a couple of weeks. There are some spots left in that group, and if you want one, I want you to have it so you can go to my website, Aprilpricecoaching.com or you can email me at April at Aprilpricecoaching.com and I'll help you get registered. 150 episodes feels like a special kind of milestone for me, but I want you to know that I am not special for having arrived here. Every human who has created what they want has done it in the same way by choosing what they want over what their brain once again and again and again. And the better you get at that, the more you get to count on you. And that, my friends, is 100% awesome. I love you for listening, and I'll see you next week.
The next round of my coaching program made four more starts the first week in April, and I want you to be a part of it. In coaching, I will show you the simple way to change your brain, to create more joy, more love, and more accomplishment in your life. Your Earth life experience is precious and finite, and there is so much more available to every one of us in this life and the next. And I would love to show you how to get it. Go to Aprilpricecoaching.com to sign up.
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