Free Consultation Call

Healing the Inner Critic

Jun 23, 2022
April Price Coaching
Healing the Inner Critic
31:36
 

Healing the Inner Critic

One of the relationships we have the most conflict in is the one we have with our own inner critic. Sometimes it feels like no matter what we do, our brain is going to have something negative to say about it.

While having a brain (and therefore an active inner critic) is just part of being a human, we have more power than we know to quiet, diminish, and silence that critical inner voice and heal the ongoing conflict we have inside ourselves.

In today’s podcast episode, I give you practical, actionable steps so that you can quiet and heal your inner critic, make peace with yourself, and have lots more approval of yourself.

We All Have an Inner Critic

I feel like so many of us are letting that inner critic, that voice in our head, really hold us hostage and keep us not only from doing the things that we want to do, but this relentless inner critic also keeps us from even just enjoying the life we have.

Your inner critic can find fault with anything you do, including: 

  • the decisions we have made
  • the choices we have made our brain even when we've made those choices intentionally
  • our past
  • our potential
  • the way we spend our time and energy
  • how we do things
  • how we feel
  • the quality of relationships
  • the things we are bad at
  • the things we are good at

The list is endless!

I recently went on a trip and I was really aware of how critical my brain was about going on this trip, about that decision. And I, I just noticed, like, especially at the beginning of the trip, my brain just kept telling me,”You shouldn't be here, you should be at home. You don't deserve to be here. You don't deserve to take all this time off. You shouldn't be spending this much money, it just isn't right.”

It didn't approve of my decisions, and it kept telling me, you should just be home. It was also, of course, really critical of my body. It was critical of the things I decided to eat there. Like sometimes I would order dinner and as soon as I ordered, and the waitress walked away, I would think, “Oh, that was a terrible decision.”

And on and on it went and I know that I am not alone. 

Your Inner Critic Is Critical No Matter What You Choose

Sometime we think that if we make the right decision or if we live our lives right then our brain will stop being critical. We try to get “better” at living thinking that that will quiet our inner critic. But it's not the decision itself that's creating the criticism. It's just your brain being critical, just because that's what it does. It's never because of the decision. 

When we think we need to find the right decision (the one where our brain won’t criticize us) it can paralyze us. We end up thinking there is a right way and we don’t know what that is. 

What I want you to know is it's not the decision you're making that is creating the criticism. We're trying to solve the inner critic by doing everything right, by changing our actions, by changing the decision, by trying to be different. When the solution is always in our thoughts, it's in our brain. This means deciding  what we're going to think about our decisions and then turning the volume down on that inner critic.

End conflict with your inner critic

The inner critic is creating so much conflict internally for us and we need to do some work to heal this relationship.

Recently, Russell M. Nelson said, “We are followers of the Prince of Peace. Now more than ever, we need peace only he can bring. How can we expect peace to exist in the world when we are not individually seeking peace and harmony? I know that what I'm suggesting is not easy, but followers of Jesus Christ should set the example for all the world to follow. I plead with you to do all you can to end personal conflicts that are currently raging in your hearts and in your lives.”

And I love so much about this. First, if we are followers of Jesus Christ, which I know that many of you are, we need to start individually seeking to end personal conflicts in our life currently raging in our hearts and in our lives.

And I think for so many of us, like that inner critic is in conflict with ourselves and it is raging right. It is so loud and it's up there raging around, making us feel bad about who we are and the choices that we've made in our lives and where we are in our lives. And I think that, honestly, if we're going to, like, solve conflict outside of us, like in our homes, in our congregations, in our communities, in our world, we have to start inside. We have to start with that internal conflict I'm having with myself. 

How to Heal the Inner Critic

So, how do we do this? How do we heal that inner critic, reduce the amount of conflict in our own minds with ourselves? 

1. Know that having an inner critic is normal.

So, the first thing that I want to offer you is that we have to understand that having an inner critic is normal. That is just part of the programming of having a brain. Your brain's natural programming is always to look for what's wrong and so whatever decision we make, your brain says, “Hey, do you want to know what's wrong with this?”

Our brain is just always looking for what's gone wrong. And we're never going to solve that completely. We're not going to change the nature of our brain. The part that I really want to loosen here for you is being critical of that criticism. 

So, like, I want you to notice that your brain is critical of whatever you've decided to do and then your brain is critical of being critical. So, I really want you to back up from that when you notice yourself being critical of your own criticism. You want to accept it as normal. This is part and parcel of the human experience.

And when I accept that, then I can ask myself, all right, given that my brain is telling me this now, I just want to ask if it's true. Is it true? Is what my brain saying true? And if it’s not let it go.

2. Understand you aren’t supposed to be ALL good.

The second thing that I want to give you that will help you to reduce the amount of conflict you have with yourself and quiet this inner critic voice is to recognize that you aren't supposed to be all good. 

You get to make mistakes, you get to do things wrong, and that is okay. That's not bad. That is the way of it. That is actually the way it's supposed to happen. 

Because we're so worried about this inner critic, we start to get really scared about making mistakes. We start to get really scared about doing it wrong. We get scared about being a bad person. And we're always trying to prove to ourselves that we are good, when we’re not. 

Stop being defensive and stop needing to be all good all the time and it will take the power out of your inner critic. it just eliminates that inner critic when I'm already allowing for my wrongness. 

3. Remember that approval of yourself is a feeling

Approval is a feeling which means that it is created by thoughts. We keep showing up in our lives thinking that approval, this feeling is going to be created by our actions, that it will be created by what we do. But all feelings, including approval, are created by thoughts, not by actions. 

Ask yourself:

  • What do I have to do or earn or prove before I can approve of myself? 
  • What do I have to do in my life before I can approve of myself?
  • What conditions to I have to meet before I can love and approve of myself?

Because that condition that you've set up is really creating a lot of conflict inside yourself. You do not have to wait for anything to happen before you decide to approve and like and love yourself and end that conflict. 

The truth is that the inner critic isn't going away when we meet those conditions. Meeting the conditions only gives the inner critic the opportunity to make a new list of conditions.

So, you have to understand that approving of yourself, loving yourself and ending the conflict you have with yourself has to happen in in the thoughts that you decide to think about yourself and not in meeting any certain conditions. 

4. Visualize who the inner critic is talking to

It’s important to consider that when we let our inner critic criticize ourself, they are talking to a real person. 

Ask yourself:

  • Would I say this to my friend?
  • Would I say this to my child? 
  • Would I say this to my younger self? 

These questions will show you how much conflict there really is inside you and put a stop to it. 

I also sometimes like to visualize myself at the cafeteria table, like in junior high or high school. And really like, you know, how that feels when you walk into the cafeteria and like, nobody wants you to sit with them. And I like to think if I walked past my table right now would I say something mean and then decide to stop rejecting myself. 

You can use that visualization when your inner critic is really raging and think, “Wait a minute. That's not how I treat other people. It's not how I would treat people in a cafeteria. That's not how I would treat a child. And that's not how I'm going to treat myself.”

5. Ask yourself what else is true.

Your inner critic is designed to only give you the negative. But that's only half the story. Like I said before, you're not all good. You are not all bad, you are both. 

So, what else is true? 

What else is true is that you were never supposed to get it right. What else is true is that you are trying. What else is true is that you are here to practice. What else is true is that you get to practice as many times as you need. What else is true is you do a lot of things that are amazing and your brain hasn't noticed any of those. What are some of those? And really just like ask yourself to notice what else is true. 

You don’t even have to argue with your brain. When it is criticizing you, ou might say, “Yes, maybe all of that is true. But what else is true?” 

You can Heal the Inner Critic

I want you to know that there's nothing wrong with you, that you have an inner critic who's supposed to be there. It is part of your human experience. But I also want you to know that you are in charge, that you get to manage it, that you can turn the volume, that you can tell it when to stop. You can notice what else is good about you. And that you have the power to end this personal conflict in your life. 

 


Episode Transcript

Welcome to the 100% Awesome Podcast with April Price. You might not know it, but every result in your life is 100% because of the thought you think. And that, my friends, is 100% awesome.

Hello podcast universe! Welcome to Episode 164 of the 100% Awesome Podcast. I'm April Price and first things first, today is the first day of the mid-year reset. I hope that you are joining me this morning, it's going today and tomorrow, Thursday and Friday at 10 a.m. Pacific. And you are all invited if you want to reset your year. Reset your life, start doing some of the things that you wanted to do this year, the changes you wanted to make. And you want some help and some encouragement, and some motivation, and some real tools, practical tools on how to create those things in your life to stop making excuses and start getting it done. I really think you should be at this reset so you can register this morning. You can just text the word reset to 66866 and or you can go to my website Aprilpricecoaching.com/reset and you will get a link or a reply if that class has already happened and then you'll be set up so that you can attend tomorrow as well, so don't forget about that is happening today.

And I just wanna remind you, I mean, I know that I've been talking about this like, hey, we're halfway through the year, but it doesn't really matter where we are in the year or in the day or in our life. What matters is now using the moments we have now to create what we want. My husband, he just turned 50, I'm going to talk about a trip that we just took to celebrate that. But we were talking and he was talking about how, oh, like this is so hard because now I know for sure that I'm halfway through. And I was like, we actually don't know when we passed the halfway point, right? We don't know how much time we have. None of us know how much time we have left.

And all we have is right now. All we have is the day in front of us. And so, no matter where you are in your year or in your life, like it's time, it's always the right time to start creating what you want. And I think this mid-year reset will really help you do that.

Okay, so today's episode is really going to be all about healing our inner critic, right? I feel like so many of us are letting that inner critic, that voice in our head, really hold us hostage and keep us not only from doing the things that we want to do, but like even just enjoying the life we have, the decisions we have made, the choices we have made our brain even like when we've made those choices intentionally, our brain can just be relentless about criticizing us. And this episode is really born out of an experience that I just had. Like I said, my husband turned 50 and he planned this really incredible trip to celebrate that, and we went to Saint Lucia, and like his hobby and his talent, his like favorite thing in the world is to plan travel and to plan vacations. And like, sometimes we don't even go on the vacations, he has planned plenty of vacations, we have never gone, right? But he loves to do the planning and he reads all the reviews and he listens to like all the like YouTube trip reviews from people's like personal vacations. And he like it's his thing, right? It's his jam. And so he planned this trip. It was incredible, he did it like spare no expense, right? Like he just went all out and he was just like, I'm going to have exactly what I want while I'm here on this earth.

And so we went on this trip and I was really aware of like how critical my brain was about going on this trip, about that decision. And I, I just noticed, like, especially at the beginning of the trip, my brain just kept telling me, like, you shouldn't be here, you should be at home. You don't deserve to be here. You don't deserve to take all this time off. You don't like you shouldn't be spending this much money, it just isn't right. It didn't approve of my decisions, like with with how he's spending my time or my money. And it kept telling me, like, you should just be home. It was also, of course, like really critical of my body. It was critical of like the things I decided to eat there. Like sometimes even like I would just like order dinner and as soon as I ordered, and the waitress walked away, I would be like, Oh, that was a terrible decision.

I should not have ordered that thing. Like, why do I always choose the wrong thing on the menu, right? And it was critical of like the way I spent my days. Even sometimes, like I would decide, like, okay I'm going to read my book and then like I would just, you know, be reading my book and my brain's like, you know, you should really be like doing something else. You should be like talking to your husband, or you should maybe be like working on this, like, work project, at least mentally. Or maybe you should be listening to a podcast, or maybe you should be like, you know, again, maybe you should be home doing the things you're supposed to do. And it was just like whatever I was doing in that moment was the wrong thing. Some days we would go on excursions and my brain would be like, you know what? We should have stayed at the beach today. Like, I was just like, I couldn't catch a break, right?

And I bring this up because I know that I am not alone. Like we all have this inner critic that is like whatever we are doing, we're supposed to be doing something else, right? And I was just I was talking to a really good friend and our mutual friend passed away. And while we were gone on this trip, they were having her funeral. And I was talking to my friend about it, and she was just like, you know, like I really wanted to be at that funeral. And I decided to, like, go and like sit in and be in the congregation. And she's like and the whole time my brain was telling me, like, I should be helping in the kitchen, right? Because they have a luncheon after the funeral, and she's like, the whole time I kept thinking like, Oh, I should be helping, I should be in the kitchen. And she's like, I know that if I had been in the kitchen, I'd bet I my brain would have been like, You should be at your friend's funeral. You know, you should be there. You should like she meant something to you, and you should be honoring her life and you should be sitting down. You should be listening. And I was like, Oh my gosh, I can so relate to this, right? Like, no matter what we choose, our brains, like, hey, you know what? You did the wrong thing, right?

And so, I really wanted to talk to you about this today. Because I think we are letting this inner critic, like, be too loud, have too much of a say and interrupt our lives too much. And I want you to remember, of course, it's not the decision itself that is good or bad. The decision to go to vacation is neutral. It's not good or bad. Decision to stay home is neutral. It's not good or bad. But like my brain is going to criticize whatever decision that is. The decision itself is not what's making my brain critical, right? In either case, my brain is going to make it wrong. And same with my friend, right? It's not the decision itself that's creating the criticism. It's just your brain being critical for just because that's what it does, okay? It's not because of the decision. And so many of us think that if we could make the right decision, then we could avoid this inner critic, right? And when we do something, then we have the critic. We're like, oh, look see, I made the wrong decision. But like that, the decision is not the problem, okay? That can kind of paralyze this, right?

Like we're always just like I have to do the right thing, otherwise I'm going to, like, have all these regrets and I'm going to have all this criticism in my head. And what I want you to know is it's not the decision you're making that is creating that. It is like how much power we're giving that inner critic, those thoughts that our brain is producing right now. We're trying to solve that, we're trying to solve that inner critic by doing everything right, by changing our actions, by changing the decision, by like trying to be different. When the solution is always in our thoughts, it's in our brain, it's in like deciding what we're going to think about our decisions and then turning the volume down on that inner critic. So, at the last general conference that was held for our church, our prophet gave a talk in which he encouraged all of us to end conflict in our lives. And it was really, really a powerful thought to think about, okay, where do I have conflict in my life and really think about ending that? And I found that for me, like almost always, the biggest conflicts are between me and myself, right?

Like that inner critic is creating so much conflict internally for me that is really where I need to do some work. So, I just want to read you what he said and then think about it, applying it to yourself and to that inner critic. So, he said, We are followers of the Prince of Peace. Now more than ever, we need peace only he can bring. How can we expect peace to exist in the world when we are not individually seeking peace and harmony? He says, I know that what I'm suggesting is not easy, but followers of Jesus Christ should set the example for all the world to follow. I plead with you to do all you can to end personal conflicts that are currently raging in your hearts and in your lives. And I love so much about this, right? First, if we are followers of Jesus Christ, which I know that many of you are, we need to start individually seeking to end personal conflicts in our life. And I love how you describe that personal conflicts that are currently raging in your hearts and in your lives.

And I think for so many of us, like that inner critic is in conflict with ourselves like and it is raging right. It is so loud and it's up there raging around, making us feel bad about who we are and the choices that we've made in our lives and where we are in our lives. And I think that, honestly, if we're going to, like, solve conflict outside of us, like in our homes, in our congregations, in our communities, in our world, we have to start inside. We have to start with that internal conflict I'm having with myself. So, how do we do this? How do we heal that inner critic, reduce the amount of conflict in our own minds with ourselves? So, the first thing that I want to offer you is that we have to understand that having an inner critic is normal. That is just part of the programming of having a brain. Your brain natural programming is always to look for what's wrong and so whatever decision we make, your brain's like, hey, do you want to know what's wrong with this?

I'm going to tell you. Do you know I don't know what's wrong with you? I'd be happy to let you know, right? So, our brain is like that's part of the programming. Like, our brain is just always looking for what's gone wrong. And, like, we're not going to solve that completely. We're not going to change the nature of our brain. The part that I really want to loosen here for you is being critical of that criticism. So, like, I want you to notice, like, your brain is critical of whatever you've decided to do and then your brain is critical of being critical, right? So, like for me, when I went on vacation, my brain was like, hey, you should be home and you shouldn't be here and you don't deserve this. And then at first I was like, Oh, my gosh, I can't believe I'm here in this beautiful place. And I'm giving myself a hard time about this. I can't believe that I'm being critical of myself, right? So, like, not only did I have the original criticism of my brain, then I was just like, Oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm so critical. I can't believe I'm so mean to myself. I can't believe that I can't manage my mind, right?

So, there I am, like being critical of my brain's natural criticism, and so I really like, want you to like back up from that when you notice yourself being critical of your own criticism, right? You want to just say like, oh, wait, criticism is normal. And then, when I ask myself, is what I'm telling myself true? So, like when I was on vacation, I was like my brain was like, you should be home. And at first I was like, Oh, my gosh, I can't believe I'm critical of myself for doing this thing right. Finally, I just like, okay, that's what brains do they're trying to find what's wrong? Now, is there actually something wrong? Is it true? Should I be home? And I was like, No. I'm not supposed to be home, I supposed to be celebrating David's life. This is where I want to be. I'm okay with this decision, right? So, that's the first thing is just like, okay, this is part and parcel of the human experience.

And when I accept that, then I can ask myself, all right, given that my brain is telling me this now, I just want to ask if it's true. Is it true? Just like my friend could have said to herself, like, is it true that I should be in the kitchen? Oh, actually, in this moment, it's not like I hear you, brain. I understand that's your programming, but it's not true. And that just allows us to kind of set it down and not be so charged about the actual experience that like the fact that we have an inner critic like we all do. That's part of it, like, we can just accept that and then ask ourselves, is what my inner critic saying true? Is what my brain saying true.

The second thing that I want to give you that will help you to like reduce the amount of conflict you have with yourself and quiet this inner critic voice is to recognize that you aren't supposed to be all good. Okay, so, like, I know this sort of sounds obvious, but, like, this gets in our way so much. Like, you aren't all good and that's not bad, right? So, you get to make mistakes, you get to do things wrong, and that is okay. That's not bad. That is the way of it. That is actually the way it's supposed to happen. So, because we're so worried about this inner critic, we start to get really scared about making mistakes. We start to get really scared about doing it wrong. We get scared about being a bad person, right? And we're always trying to, like, prove to ourselves, like, I'm good, like, like, you know, we're trying so hard to prove that we're okay all the time, right? And then when our inner critic brings up, like, well, you might not be all okay, like, we get super defensive.

We start to have this conflict in this argument with ourselves. And one way to reduce that conflicts this is to recognize, like, of course, like, I'm not all good and I'm not supposed to be, right? So, I like starting with the premise that half the time I'm going to get it wrong. Half the time I'm going to make a mistake. Half the time. And so, then when my inner critic pipes up and says, hey, you did this wrong, I'm just like, yeah, maybe let me look at it right. Instead of like, no, no, no no, I didn't. And we're in this, like, tug of war about it, right? So, instead of being like, no, that's, you know, that's not me. I'm trying to be good. I'm trying to be good, right? We're just like, no. Like, half the time, I'm going to do it wrong. That's okay.

So, just to give you a little example, this last week, I really found myself one day just like really stuck in this really bad shame spiral, and it just felt like I couldn't. I was just, like, ashamed of, like, everything I was doing in my brain was just, like, making me wrong about everything. And, like, it went on for, like, the majority of the day. And I even texted my husband. I'm just like, I'm in a shame spiral it got me right. Which is like, is that his job to help me? But I finally the way that I got out of it was recognizing like. Okay, like I'm supposed to do it wrong. Like, did I like, first I had to make doing it wrong. Okay, and then I could look and see whether or not I did. So, it's just really good to remind yourself, like, listen, half the time I am going to do it wrong. Thank you, Brain, right? Like you don't have to be so defensive and scared about doing it wrong when you know you're supposed to. And then you can look at what you've done and decide.

So, like, for example, I gave a Relief Society lesson last Sunday, and whenever I give a lesson, my brain is just like goes into this shame spiral where it's just like, that was the worst lesson ever. I can't believe you shared that story. I can't believe you opened your mouth. I can't believe like and like, why did you say it that way? And like it just, like, goes on and on and on and on, right? And like, when I know. Yeah like, I'm a I'm just a human. And so, have that lesson is going to be great and half of it is going to be terrible right now when I just accept that like that's what it means to be a human. Sometimes you get it right and a lot of times you get it wrong. Then I can like release my defensiveness and ask myself, Did I do something wrong? Is shame necessary here? Did I actually do something wrong? And when I'm like, No, I didn't, right? I did it to the best of my ability.

And it's you know, of course there were mistakes and that's okay. And it just like eliminates that inner critic when I when I'm already allowing for my wrongness. Does that make sense? Like the inner critic is there when we're trying to guard our rightness so tightly and when when we just allow that our wrongness and we allow half the time. Not a great lesson giver half the time not a great human half the time. Not a great wife half the time. Not a great mother. It just allows me to really look at like the valid ness of my inner critic. If is there something there that I can make right, great. If I'm just beating myself up to beat myself up, I'm just making myself wrong to make myself wrong. Then we can stop that, so the one other little example I want to give you about this is like the Batman.

So, I know that's like a weird example, but we recently watched the new the Batman movie and in that movie like, he's fighting so hard not to be this thing, right? Like, he hates a certain attribute that he's seeing in society, and he's, like, fighting so hard against it. And then, like, towards the end of the film, he recognizes, like, oh, my gosh, I'm that thing, I'm that thing I hate, right? And and I think, like, this is true for all of us. Like, we are all of the things we are like the Batman and we are the criminal. And they are the same thing. Like in all of us, there is the shadow self and we have to like when we're fighting so hard to just pretend and like have to make ourselves right. Like, there's so much conflict internally because we aren't all correct. We aren't all right and, like, we know it.

And so, there's just so much power in acknowledging like, yes, half of me is amazing and half of me doesn't get it right. And that's okay. The next thing that I want to offer you to, you know, heal this inner critic and start to reduce the volume in your life is to remember that approval of yourself is a feeling. Approval is a feeling which means that it is created by thoughts. We keep showing up in our lives thinking that approval, this feeling is going to be created by our actions. It's going to be created by what we do. But all feelings, including approval. Including liking ourselves. That those feelings of approval and like and love, they are created by thoughts, not by actions. So, we are trying so hard to do and perform and like behave in a way that will allow us to approve of ourselves while our brain is still offering us thoughts that we're doing it wrong so we never get too approval, right? So I just want you to ask yourself, what do I have to do or earn or prove before I can approve of myself? What do I have to do in my life before I can approve of myself?

Because that thing, that condition that you've set up that rule, that action that you need to take before you can approve of yourself, is like really creating a lot of conflict inside yourself. You do not have to wait for anything to happen before you decide to approve and like and love yourself and end that conflict. Okay, so I just want you to notice as you ask that question, what are the conditions I have for approving of myself? And the problem with having conditions like I'm all for changing your life. But when you have to change first before you can approve of yourself, you're in trouble because. The inner critic isn't going away, and when the inner critic has conditions and we meet those conditions, your inner critic is still not satisfied. It does make him like pack up and go away, right? Just like makes that inner critic create a new list, right? So, meeting the conditions only gives the inner critic the opportunity to make a new list of conditions.

So, you have to understand that approving of yourself, loving yourself and ending the conflict you have with yourself has to happen in in the thoughts that you decide to think about yourself and not in meeting any certain conditions. So, the other day, Ethan, as you know, is getting ready to go on his mission and he needed to get a typhoid shot. And we've been trying to get this typhoid shot for like a little while now, ever actually, ever since he got his mission call. And you have to go to this these special clinics, like they don't have typhoid shots at any regular doctor's office. Like it's usually just travel clinics because, you know, not it's not like a standard vaccination. And so anyway, we had made up appointments at a couple of different places and every time he went there he couldn't find them or they were closed or you know, there was just all these problems with it. And so, finally we made this other appointment and as he was going to leave, I could tell he was like really like nervous about it, like finding it in, like because, you know, we're down to the wire he needs to get the shot.

And so, I as he was like preparing to leave, I had this thought, like, you should go with him. And and so I just said, you know, would you would you want me to go with you? And he was just like, yes, please. I was so relieved because he was worried about finding it and all of it. It was the day I had gotten back from vacation. And so, I had a mountain of things to do in my business. I had a ton of work to do, and I knew that going down to get this shot and like come back was going to, you know, it was going to take basically my afternoon and then so anyway, I decided, you know what, I want to do this thing. This is who I want to be. This is the decision I want to make. So, we went down there, we got his shot. We found the place. I was glad I went, he might have found it on his own. And we got home and then he found out, oh, I need to do fingerprinting for the FBI and FBI clearance. And so, I was another trip downtown and another trip back basically the whole afternoon was gone. And of course, my inner critic was like, that was such a waste of time, you have a million things to do. You should have been here. You should have been like working on that thing and this thing and that thing and and just like it wanted to tell me that that was a really bad decision. But I know that approval happens in my mind.

It's not going to be because of the decision itself. It's not because of the action I take. And so, in that moment, I was really able to say to myself, no, like I approve of this decision. This was the most important work I could have done today, not only because those things needed to happen before he leaves on his mission. But also just because that is the choice I made. I wanted to be there. I wanted to have that experience with him, and I chose it. And I just noticed that like it's a decision in my mind to approve of myself and listen, even if I had gotten it all wrong. I don't have to like give into that inner critic. I can just acknowledge, okay, that was the wrong decision. And and that's okay, sometimes I get it wrong. Do you see, like, it's the way you think about yourself. You know, in those moments that matters.

Okay, I just have a couple other things that I want to give you that I think can help you heal this inner critic. And the first one is to really sort of visualize your inner critic and who they're talking to, right? And sometimes you'll hear people say, like, imagine that voice talking to your younger self, right? I was listening to Rachel Heart the other day and she was saying in her office, she put up three big pictures of herself as a child. And she's just like every time my brain goes to tell me everything I'm doing wrong, I just look at those pictures and I asked myself, would I say that to her? And so I think it can be really powerful for you to think about, like, would I say this to my friend? Would I say this to my child? Would I say this to my younger self? And to really like that will show you just how like how much conflict there is there and how mean it is and allow you to be like, no, not allowed to hear, right? Not criticize yourself for doing it, but just like nip it in the bud like, nope, we're not doing that anymore.

I also sometimes like to visualize myself at, like, at the cafeteria table, like in junior high or high school. And really like, you know, how that feels when you walk into the cafeteria and like, nobody wants you to sit with them. And you're just like that, that feeling of like shame. And what I like to do is picture, like, myself that took that action. Like, and inviting her to sit with me at that table. Like, sometimes I'm going to do it wrong, and she still gets to sit with me at my table. I'm not going to reject myself. I'm not going to reject any part of me. Like you're all of me and all the decisions they make and the way I mother and the way I. I am a wife and the way that I live, the gospel and like, yeah, it's not perfect, but I'm not going to reject those parts of me.

They get to sit with me, they're invited to sit with me. I'm not I'm not going to reject them and say you can't be with me. Like they are all part of me. And and I get to love and accept all of those. So you can kind of just use that visualization when your inner critic is really raging to be like, wait a minute. Like, that's not how I treat other people. It's not how I would treat people in a cafeteria. That's not how I would treat a child. And that's not how I'm going to treat myself. The last thing that I want to offer you that can really help you heal this inner critic is when it's going and telling you all the things that are wrong. I really want you to ask yourself what else is true. Like your inner critic it's designed to only give you the negative. But that's only half the story. Like I said before, you're not all good. You are not all bad, you are both. So, what else is true? What else is true is that you were never supposed to get it right. What else is true is that you are trying. What else is true is that you are here to practice. What else is true is that you get to practice as many times as you need.

What else is true is you do a lot of things that are amazing and your brain hasn't noticed any of those. What are some of those? And really just like ask yourself to notice what else is true. Because like. You know, kind of think about that courtroom situation and your inner critic is like getting all of the say. And you're just like, wait a minute, there's another side to this story. And and and I get a voice, too. So, you can ask yourself, yes. I mean, you don't even have to argue with your brain. You might say, yes, maybe all of that is true. But what else is true? Like if we just use the example I gave about giving the that lesson on Sunday, like, yeah, brain, you're right. I probably shouldn't have shared that story. That was probably a dumb thing to say, right? But what else is true? What else is true is that I said some good things. What else is true? Is that there was some good that came out of it. Some people felt the spirit. Some people were edifying, right? Like, okay, it's not all bad. I am. My brain always goes to you are bad, you are bad. It's like I just want you to know you are bad. And I just like to say, but what else is true?

What else is true is that I am good. I am also good. There's so much that is good, I want you to know that there's nothing wrong with you, that you have an inner critic who's, like, supposed to be there. It is part of your human experience. But I also want you to know that you. Are in charge, that you get to manage it, that you can turn the volume, that you can tell it when to stop. You can notice what else is good about you. And that you have the power to end this personal conflict in your life. And that, my friends is 100% awesome. I love you for listening, and I'll see you next week.

We're almost halfway through the year, and if you're looking around and thinking that things were supposed to. Be different this year and they aren't yet, I want to invite you to the midyear reset. This free to day online event June 23rd and 24th will help you figure out where you are. Understand why you haven't made all the progress you wanted and learn everything you need to know to turn that around. You can register it. Aprilpricecoaching.com/reset or text the word reset to 66866. No matter where you are right now, you can get anywhere you want to be.

See What Coaching Can Do For You!

Sign up for a free consultation to see if coaching can make a difference in your life. It only takes a few minutes to change everything.

Learn More

For more help and inspiration, sign up to get a shot of awesome delivered to your inbox every week! 

We hate SPAM. We will never sell your information, for any reason.