No Such Thing as Better

One of the most important things we can learn is that we are already whole.  We are completely worthy and 100% lovable.  Right now.  Exactly as we are.  Without changing or “improving” anything.  In this moment with all your gifts and all your talents and all your deficiencies, you are 100% worthy and lovable.  

And (this is important!), you actually can’t get “better” because there is no limit to your worth.  You can’t get better when you have infinite worth.

Whatever our goals are—whether it is to develop more love or charity, or be more Christlike, or be more patient, or show up like the kind of mother we want to be—whatever it is, we don’t become a better person when we develop and grow in these ways.  We simply get more skills and develop greater capacity to give more, love more, and serve more.  It’s just more fun to live our lives and interact with others when we have these kind of skills and abilities.  

But working on or achieving these goals never make us better than anyone else and in the same way they never make us better than ourselves. 

During a coaching session this week, a client asked me about improving in her life.  Her desire to change and improve came right after a thought, “There I go again.  Why do I always do that?”  Her brain was helpfully letting her know that there was something wrong with her.  (Thanks, brain.)  Whenever we feel that we are lacking in some way, we think “improvement” is surely the way to feel better.

I explained that when we try to “improve” from the thought that there is something wrong with us, we never get “better.”  We just continue to create and then find more and more evidence that there is something wrong with us.  Our brains love to be right and they can always find lots of evidence of our shortcomings.

I told her, “You can choose to grow and improve your skills in any area, but you don’t have to hate yourself to do it.  You can change and grow but there doesn’t have to be anything wrong with you to want to do it.  Any changes you make won’t make you ‘better’—they just give you different life experiences.”

When we feel we are lacking, that feeling like any other, comes from a thought: There’s something wrong with me.  But remember, negative thoughts will never produce positive results. Beating yourself up is never the way to peace. 

If we want to gain more abilities to love, we have to think thoughts that create the feeling of love, not hate and self-loathing. 

If we want to gain more abilities to be patient, we have to think thoughts that create feelings of patience for ourselves and others, rather than frustrated exasperation with how slowly we are learning.

If we want to be more Christlike, we have to think thoughts like He thought, which were always coming from love, mercy, and acceptance, rather than irritated condemnation.

All of this starts with adopting the thought that you are 100% whole and worthy as you are right now. Everything else is just the whip cream on top—making your life experience that much more delicious!

xo,

April