The Top 12 Mistakes of Goal SettingJan 05, 2023
Welcome to the very first episode of 2023! This is a time when many of our thoughts naturally turn to goals, thinking about our future selves, what we're trying to create and how we're going to do that.
Why do you resist setting goals?
I think most people are at least a little bit resistant to setting goals.
Because many of us have used our goals against ourselves. We have used our goals to shame ourselves and beat ourselves up, and it’s left a bad taste in our mouths.
If you’ve set goals year after year and been disappointed when you didn’t reach them, maybe you’re starting to wonder why you should even bother in the first place.
A better approach to your goals
It doesn’t have to be this way. I’d like to offer a different way to think about your goals.
A way that you can use goal setting to discover what you really want and tap into your real self, your eternal self. To find out what that part of you wants while you are here on Earth.
If you knew you couldn’t fail, if you knew that you could create it, what is that you would want to do?
Because the truth is, setting goals is only painful when we make achieving or not achieving them mean things about us. And we never have to do that.
Top goal setting mistakes
As you hear these top mistakes, remember that the purpose is not to make you feel badly if you’ve done these things. Instead, I want you to be aware of these mistakes up front, so that you can catch yourself and have the best chance of creating the things you want in your life.
- Looking to our past to inform our goals and our ability to achieve them, instead of being pulled forward by the future. Try to think about your goals from the version of you that has already created it.
- Making our doubts mean something. When you set a goal, it is by nature outside of your current ability and comfort level. So of course, your brain is going to have doubts. Your doubts never mean that the goal is wrong. You just have to decide to be diligent about redirecting to what you are going to believe.
- Underestimating our brain's resistance to any goal. Your brain is always going to push back. It is never going to want to do something new. It is always going to try to talk you out of it, and you need to start expecting it and anticipating it.
- Not planning for negative emotion. We think only about the end result, not how bad it will feel along the way to our goal. Because growth doesn't feel good when you're doing it. It feels good when you're done.
- Trying to set more than one goal at a time. Managing the resistance and the negative emotion that comes with working toward your goal becomes even more difficult if you’re trying to accomplish more than one goal at a time. You have enough time for everything you want to do and create in your life. What is the ONE thing you want to focus on this year?
- Using our goals as a fix-it list. We look at all the things we don’t like or that we hate about ourselves or that we wish were different. But setting goals from a place of frustration, judgment, disgust and shame just gets too hard. It’s too much to overcome. It matters that you set your goals from a place of love and approval and just a desire to have more. Then you get to be your own best friend and cheerleader.
- Thinking about short term changes instead of the long haul lifestyle changes. Your goal shouldn’t be about a big push for the next three to six months (or even a year). I want you to think more about changes you can make that you can do for 1000 days. This will let you see if it’s actually doable and sustainable.
- Focusing on the outcome instead of the process. It takes time for results to add up, and even then our brains will minimize what we’ve achieved. Instead, focus on your behavior. Did you show up the way you said you would? Did you keep your commitment to yourself?
- Using our goals and achievements as a measure of our worth, rather than a way to create an intentional life. Using our goals to become better or worthy makes the stakes way too high (and it doesn’t work that way, anyway). You cannot earn your worth. Your goals are just there to create experiences for you that you want in your life.
- Problem solving from doubt instead of decision. There will be setbacks, problems and obstacles on the way to your goal. It will not go perfectly. But if we don't stop, we will eventually get to our finish line. Instead of stopping, we need to problem solve. And to do it a place of decision and the assumption that we are for sure going to get to the goal.
- Changing the goal. We run into an obstacle, stop believing, stop trying or change the goal. When we stop believing in the goal, we stop problem solving for it. Instead of changing the goal, go back to nurturing and building up your belief that you can create it.
- Trying to do it on our own. We tell ourselves that we should be able to figure this out and do it without help. We're all sharing this planet here together. And we're all struggling. We all have a brain that is telling us that we can't and then we're not capable. And we need help. We need help from somebody who is outside of that brain telling us and reminding us of the things that we cannot see.
Having a coach has allowed me to create so many goals in my life I never thought were possible. The most amazing thing I have learned is that, really and truly, I am capable of anything if I just don't stop.
Don't let these 12 things keep you from achieving your goals. Because if you don't stop every single one of your goals is absolutely inevitable.
And if you want help achieving your dreams and your goals, my next coaching group starts next week. If you want to completely change the way you go after your goals and increase exponentially your chances of creating it, sign up right here.
- Why goal setting gets a bad rap
- How to approach your goals from a more positive place
- The top mistakes I see in goal setting - and what to do instead
- Episode 191: The Most Important Interview of the Year
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