I used to think about what it would be like to drive my car into a light post. After I dropped the kids at school, I would sit at the light and fantasize about revving the engine and just gunning it.
I didn’t really want to kill myself, but sometimes I thought it would be better if I could just disappear and escape my life.
And the thing was, I had a good life.
I had a beautiful family. I had a home and education and running water. I had the gospel of Jesus Christ. I had it all.
I had nothing to complain about and I thought it was ridiculous that I was mostly miserable.
I hated myself for not being happy. (Especially, when I was supposed to be.)
I told myself that my unhappiness and my suffering was ridiculous and it didn’t matter. That my problems didn’t matter.
Deep down, I thought that I didn’t matter.
I was embarrassed to talk about my pain. I thought I shouldn’t be having it and I thought I had no right to feel bad about my amazing life.
But I was wrong. And so are you.
I want you to know that you matter.
Your pain matters. Your heartache matters. Your dreams matter.
They aren’t ridiculous. And you aren’t wrong for having them.
You’ve probably told yourself a million times (like I did), that none of it matters. That you can’t expect more and you should just be happy.
But, you aren’t wrong for being unhappy. You just have a human brain that is programmed specially to notice the negative about you and your life.
You aren’t ridiculous to want something else. The highest part of you is always urging you toward your dreams, and it’s only your scared, fearful brain getting in the way, telling you you can’t have what you want. That you’ll only be disappointed. That you should be happy where you’re at.
And what you want matters.
If you want to be happier, it matters.
If you want to go after your dreams, it matters.
If you want to live a life that you don’t want to escape, it matters.
You matter enough to get what you want. In fact, you matter way more than that.
P.S. You are allowed to love your life and you matter enough to get it. Coaching is the best way I know to understand how to be happy and how to find the courage to go after your dreams. Join me in Made for More, and I will help you get all the things that matter to you. You can apply here.