Episode 34: Gifts from My Coaches

Hello, podcast universe! Welcome to Episode 34 for the Christmas edition of the 100% Awesome Podcast. I hope you had the merriest of Christmases yesterday and are currently enjoying this little respite week between the holidays when life, at least here in the U.S., kind of slows down, and we all get a small little reprieve from regular life. Our schedules are a little bit more relaxed. Our kids are home from school. We get to spend more time together more time in front of a board game or a movie or around the table, and it's just kind of a lovely space to rest and recharge and reconnect. So I hope you are enjoying it.

[01:13]
Before we get to the episode today, I just want to remind you one final time to sign up for my weekly email so that you can be entered to win one of the two mini coaching packages I'm offering. Anyone who signs up for the email in December is eligible to win and you can do that by going to my website aprilpricecoaching.com or just by texting the word "awesome" to 6 6 8 6 6. And then next week I'm going to randomly pick two people, or actually a computer is randomly pick two of those people, to get 4 free one-on-one coaching sessions with me. And I'll e-mail you and let you know if you've won. And then we're going to do some life-changing coaching together. And what an awesome way to start the new year and a new decade! So if you want a chance to win one of these packages sign up for my email today.

Okay, because it's the day after Christmas, I thought I would give you some gifts that I have been given by my coaches. It's like the best version of re-gifting ever. Right? These are the things that I have learned from my coaches, the things that I consider to be their greatest gifts to me. And I want to be sure to give them to you. These are things that they have taught me that have blessed my life in so many ways. And I think that they might bless yours as well. So here we go: gifts from my coaches.

[02:35]
So first the first gift I wanted to share with you was given to me by Brooke Castillo, who is the founder of The Life Coach School. And last year I was at a party with all the women in my church congregation and we were each asked to bring our favorite thing to share with the group. And we were each given a little bag and asked to put our favorite thing from the year—the best thing we found, or the best thing we had used, or the best thing that made a difference in our life—to put that in the bag and then come and tell people all about it.

Anyway, last December, I took a little 3x5 card and wrote C T F A R down the side of the card. It's the model, right? The model was created by Brooke Castillo. It stands for circumstance—thought—feeling—action—and result.

This model was the greatest gift Brooke ever gave me and here is why: you can solve any problem with the model. Any problem.

So I used to live in fear of the future. I used to live in fear of the past. I used to worry that I would have experiences in my life that I couldn't handle, that I was not up to, that would be too hard and too scary and to impossible. And I used to think, on top of all that, that I was kind of a broken mess of a person, that I could not change. And the model changed all of this for me. It took away all my fear and it helped me see that I could change. So the model is a way of looking at the world that just simplifies everything down so that you can see that things are only a problem when we think they're a problem.

[04:29]
And then when we think they're a problem, we feel bad, and we act bad, and we get bad results. And when you understand this you suddenly understand that every single problem is only a thought problem. And here's the miracle—you are in charge of your thoughts! You can think whatever you want! So like do you really understand the power of what I'm saying? This means that there's nothing you can't handle.

[04:56]
If you can manage your own thoughts, there's no way that you can't grow or change or evolve in any way, if you can be the boss of your own brain. And so I don't think it's exaggerating to say that for me this has been like the secret to the universe and the secret to happiness and like the secret to love.

All my life I struggled to love like Christ wanted me to. I understood his request to love one another I just didn't, like I just couldn't do it. I just didn't know how. I tried. It just never worked. And when I understood the model, I saw that any feeling including love was available to me through my thoughts. And if I wanted to feel love I just had to think loving thoughts.

All my life, I struggled to act and behave like I wanted, to show up around the people I loved the way I wanted to. I didn't like that I yelled and I criticized and I froze people out. I didn't like that I was hard-hearted and angry and mean, right? I wanted to act better, but I didn't know how. No matter how much I berated myself I continued to behave badly. When I understood the model though, I saw that all my actions flowed from my feelings and I could change my feelings anytime I wanted by changing my thoughts.

All my life, I struggled to get the results I wanted. I had nothing to show for all my efforts but death and extra weight and disconnection and unachieved dreams. You see? I had failed in every way, but when I finally understood the model, I saw that all my results were just coming from my actions or inactions, which were caused by my feelings, which again were caused only by my thoughts. If I could change my thoughts I could change any result I wanted. Do you see? wanted. Do you see? The model is one of the very best gifts I've ever been given. C T F A R. Thank you, Brooke Castillo. So I hope this is a gift that will bless your life as well.

[07:01]
Okay, number two. The next gift that I want to give to you was given to me by my coach Jody Moore. And Jody has given me so many gifts, so many thoughts that have changed my life, not the least of which was her looking me straight in the eye and point blank asking me, "Did you know you get to believe whatever you want?" That want?" That was such a life changing moment for me, and I will always be grateful for the contribution that she has made in my life.

So there are so many things she has coached me on and taught me and so many awesome, amazing thoughts, so it's hard for me to narrow it down. So I decided that I would give you one of the gifts that she gave me just this year, a gift that made a big difference for me and might help you as well.

So when I first started my podcast it was almost too much for me emotionally, right? It was so terrifying for me to put myself out there and to leave the cave as it were, right? And every Wednesday night when I went to publish my podcasts, my brain, would just like melt down. I told my husband like I was coming out of my skin and I'm losing my mind from all of the terror of putting myself out there in the world on display, so to speak.

So like in the middle of this, when I was just early on podcasting, I happened to be on a coaching call with her and I didn't intend to even bring it up, but I happened to mention all the negative emotion that I was feeling, and she kind of stopped me and asked me a few more questions, you know? know? She asked me did I feel this terror when I was writing and recording or just like afterwards. Right? And she kind of probed around in my thoughts for a minute and then she said, "Oh the problem is that your brain thinks this is about you. Your brain has made it all about you. And guess what? It's not about you.

[08:53]
And she said, "Do you think your podcast will help one person??" And I thought about it, right? And I said, "Yes I think for sure it will help one person." And she said, "Then it's not about you. It's about that one person. Tell your brain that it's not about you. It's about them."

And this was such a gift to me. Every time my doubts come up every time I think, "Well that was dumb" or "Why did I say that?" or that?" or "Why did I share that story?" or "Why do I sound like that??" I just remember: "No, brain. It's not about you. It's about someone else." What a gift for each of us to remember, right? It's not about you.

You all have a work to do in the world you all have a gift to give you all have a contribution that only you can make only in your way. And you're all scared to do it, right? You're scared to do it wrong and to be vulnerable and to look stupid and to fail. I get it. But that is because your brain thinks it's about you. Your brain thinks it's all about you and whether or not you're going to be kicked out of the tribe and face certain death.

So what you have to do is ask yourself: Will this help one person? Will this make one person's life better in the smallest of ways? Will this ease the burdens of Earth life for one of God's children? It's not about you. It's not about me. It's all about them and serving them and giving one person a way out of suffering.

[10:29]
So many of you have big goals and dreams for the new year. Many of you have small goals and dreams for the new year. Many of you will be making your biggest impact and your most significant contribution in the walls of your own home, where very few people will see it. And when your brain tells you you're doing it wrong or that you're going to fail or this is dumb or questions why you are the way you are, remind your brain: It's not about me. It's about them. It's about what I can give someone else.

This is a gift that changed my experience in the world this year. And I hope it will change yours in the coming year. It's not about you. Now let's go make life a little better for someone else. Right?

[11:11]
Okay, number three. The next gift I want to give you comes from my fitness and nutrition coach, Susan Dangerfield. So Susan has been my coach for over a year now and I'm going to link her information and actually all the information for all my coaches in the show notes and actually Susan is starting another round of her group fitness program and the sign-ups are on December 30th which is like three days away or something. So these slots go super fast and so if you're interested in having a nutrition coach in the new year you should look her up and get signed up on the 30th anyway.

Anyway, I love having a nutrition coach because it is a constant reminder to me that my health is a priority and when things are so busy how we eat and how we exercise always seems to take last place, and having a coach helps me know that I'm accountable for all my choices and I still have to pay attention to how I'm taking care of myself. Not only that, but it's so awesome to have somebody that believes in you right. When I don't even believe it myself, Susan still believes in me. I just got an e-mail from her this morning. I had written this poor, pitiful, sad e-mail and her e-mail back to me was just all about how she believed in me and I need that in my life.

Anyway to the gift. Okay, so I know that I have mentioned this before, but I have gone back to this gift again and again this fall as I have struggled to keep making conscious wise decisions about my health. So in a moment when I really felt like I was failing and feeling so victimized by my health circumstances and my body, and just kind of wanting to give up and give in to that voice in my head that said "you can't do it" "you're going to fail," right, "you're destined to be fat and broken and out of shape forever," this is what she told me. And this is the gift that I want to give to you.

She said, "Some of what you're dealing with right now is out of your control. This is when it's even more important to focus on what you can control." Like she was telling me like your brain is lying to you. It's telling you that it's too hard. It's telling you that you don't have control and you should just give up. But she reminded me that the circumstances—the C line of my model— is the only part of the model that I don't control. Every other line in the model is under my control.

[13:32]
So when you give all your control to the world, or to your past, or to your circumstances, or to other people, or to your health, or the weather, or your stress, or whatever it is, then you are just being a victim. And one of the greatest gifts Susan gave me was reminding me that I steer my own ship, that I own my results. I am not a victim. I only have to focus on what I can control.

So I interviewed Susan earlier this year and I'm going to put it on a podcast later for you. But I wanted to give you this little clip right now as I think it is like so powerful for each of us to know how we control our own health and fitness journey with our thoughts.

So here's a little clip from that interview:

[14:11]
Susan Dangerfield: So I truly believe, and I know you do too, that, and I've seen it firsthand with myself and with clients, that what we think directly translates into our actions, which directly becomes our reality of whether we reach our goals or not. Before we see much progress, we have to work on that mental side of things and figure out why someone feels so down about ever seen change. And I think what happens is those types of attitudes lead to feeling like a victim, and you tend to blame others for things that seem out of their control for why they can't make progress.

Having that ownership and realizing that you're responsible, and you know it's up to you, really actually helps people feel more in control and they're the steerer of the ship for their success. So it's an awesome realization to kind of just help them be like "Well what do you want to do?" or "What kind of outcome do you want to have? How do you want to feel tomorrow?" tomorrow?" Like these things are up to you and you get to choose.

Okay, so that's the third gift. You steer your ship. Focus on what you can control and know that it all counts.

[15:15]
Okay, another gift that I received this year that I think will bless your life came from one of my fellow coaches that I went through coach training with, and her name is Danielle Thienel. And she is an awesome coach who specializes actually in organization and de-cluttering and all the thought work that is involved in the way that we take care of our homes and our spaces.

Anyway this year we went through coach training together. And when you're in coach training, you join hundreds of other coaches, who are also in training, who are also learning this material, who are also trying to find clients. And sometimes there can be kind of a competitive feeling, right?

We all want to be good and we all want to help people and then we're all equipped with human brains. And our human brains start ranking each other and thinking that if someone else is good, then maybe I might not be, right? right? And this is just a thought error of course. The better each of us is, the better we all are, and the more people we can help. Our brains don't see it that way. Our brains think resources are limited and you need to be on top—on top of what I don't know, but on top—in order to get any.

So here's the gift I want to give you. Earlier this year I was able to interview Jody Moore on a podcast and it was such a thrill for me and even more amazing, Jody then aired the interview on her podcast, which gave me some incredible exposure to people who might never have heard of me. Anyway when this happened, I got a text from Danielle. It said: Call me now! And I called her up and she was screaming and freaking out and dancing around her house, and she was just so dang delighted for me. She was more excited I think than even my own husband. She said, "I was doing laundry and I heard you on Jody's podcast and I just dropped all the laundry and just ran around my laundry room," right?

[17:02]
She couldn't have been more thrilled for me and she just sat there and celebrated with me for a minute, and it was as good as if it had happened to her. She was that happy about it and this was such a gift to me, because it taught me that I can go all in on celebrating the wins of others. It doesn't take anything away from me, it only adds to my joy.

And so maybe you saw recently the little YouTube clip of Miss Nigeria celebrating when Miss Jamaica won the Miss World title. And if you haven't you should go look it up, right? So they announced Miss Jamaica's name and Miss Nigeria could not contain her joy. She's like dancing and running around the stage screaming and hugging her friend, absolutely delighting in her win. And she could not be more excited than if it had happened to her.

Now your brain, like my brain, like all our brains, wants to say that when other people win, we lose in some way. But this is not true. And as Danielle taught me, when one rises, we all rise. This is the truth, right? This is the abundance that you can live into. And the best part about it is that it feels so good to rejoice with others.

So let me just give you one other little example of this. When I was reading that book by Simon Sinek about The Infinite Game he tells a story about when he went to speak he spoke at both Microsoft and Apple within a few weeks of each other. And when he went to Microsoft they gave him (this is back when iPod was really popular) the new Zune which was Microsoft's, like music listening device.

[18:37]
And so a couple weeks later he went to Apple. And after he got done speaking at Apple, they were going back to the airport and he's like "I just couldn't resist. And I told the Apple executive that I was with, I said 'Hey Microsoft gave me their new Zune and I think it's really awesome. I think it might even be better than the iPod.'" And Sinek said the executive just smiled at him and said, "I have no doubt." Right?

And then he just moved on and talked about something else and what Sinek says is that like Apple understood that what they were there to do was to bring music to people. And if Microsoft had a device that can bring music to people, then awesome. Right? Like more music to more people is a very good thing. Apple understood we're all just trying to help, and any positive good thing in the world moves the needle towards more joy and more happiness. And it's all a good thing. It didn't take away from their work in the world. It was just another incredible contribution to humans everywhere.

So I just think this is such a gift to think about, like celebrating, really celebrating, this year the wins of others and the wins of the people around you, and living into that abundance.

[19:43]
Okay, the very last gift I want to share with you is from my very best teacher: my experience. The universe is my best teacher—the life that it creates for me, the experience that it gives me, they are my best teachers. They are the way that I'm really learning and growing. And every year I write a Christmas letter to our friends and family and I tell them what my life has taught me this year that helped me grow and helped me become and gave me understanding.

And so I know this is a little indulgent, but I want to share my Christmas letter with you here on the podcast. As a final gift from me to you this Christmas. This is what I learned this year about fear. And I hope that my sharing it will help you in some way in your own life. Okay, here we go.

[20:28]
Dear Loved Ones,

This fall Olivia was traveling in China from Nan Tung to Wuxi, a 10-hour trip through a country she knew nothing about. She couldn't speak Chinese so she couldn't even buy her own bus ticket. A stranger helped her get the ticket but when he handed it to her she couldn't read the characters to see if it had been issued for the right destination. When she went to board the bus to Wuxi, disconcertingly, it turned out to be a non-descript 12- passenger van. She had no idea if it was the right bus, going to the right place, or even if it was a bus at all. She couldn't read the highway signs along the way and her phone couldn't access the internet to verify her route. Was she going to the land of the Grand Buddha or was she going to disappear completely off the map? She said when she finally got to the hotel in Wuxi, she just sat and cried for half an hour. Relieved.

Later she told me, "I'm just in the hands of God right now. He's the only thing between me and total disaster."

Then one Sunday morning at the end of September we got a frantic text from Savannah: Call Olivia. When I finally got ahold of her, she had just gotten out of an interrogation room in a Chinese jail, where she had spent 12 hours answering questions she didn't know the answers to. She was terrified and sobbing. I tried to calm her, "You're only upset because your brain thought you were going to die." She said, "Yeah, I know Mom. Because I thought I was going to die!"

When Olivia first told us she wanted to go teach English in China I said, "Sure. Have an amazing time!" David was less certain. "I don't know if she should go." I shrugged, "What's the worst that could happen." Turns out you'd be surprised.

In lots of ways this year was an exercise in bravery for us. When Ethan drove alone for the first time I asked him how it was. "Kind of scary, actually." And that seems to sum it up. All the things that seemed so exciting and fun at the outset, turned out to be kind of scary, actually. Caleb fell in love and had his first breakup. Savannah spent her first night alone in a freshman dorm at BYU. Olivia got fingerprinted and kicked out of China. David added another hospital to his staggering list of responsibilities. And I started my own business. For each of us, what we thought would just be a fun and challenging next chapter, has been an extensive experience and fear and inexorable self-doubt. We are not enough. And we know it. And now, for sure, the world knows it too.

[22:50]
I'll admit that I've always thought of the moment when the angel came to talk to Mary as a happy one. I always thought to have that kind of heavenly visitation and such an obvious demonstration of divine approval would be a good thing. Until this year. Now I know the truth.

That moment, and all the moments after it, were an exercise in bravery. That's how the angel starts even: "Fear not." And then he went away into heaven and Mary was left on Earth alone in a mortal body with her own catalog of self-doubts, surrounded by other mortals, who were good at judging and condemning and disparaging. I think that all Mary must have been left with was fear. Lots of aching, sickening, growing fear.

She was a pregnant woman with no husband in a strict religious culture that had rules and statutes and expectations. She would have to tell her righteous family an unbelievable story and face their incredulous disappointment and shame. She would be alone in a world that would see her as a liar, a whore, and a fraud. She would suffer ridicule and judgement and exclusion, perhaps even expulsion or extermination. Everyone would be wrong about her and she would be the only one who knew it. There was nothing but the terrifying dangerous unknown ahead of her, an unexplained future where no one else had ever been. Vulnerable, exposed, and scared, the angel's statement feels like paltry defense indeed: Fear not.

And then there is her son. What about his own fear and self-doubt? Of course he trusted the father and his plan implicitly, but as he walked the heavy steps toward Gethsemane and began as the scriptures say "to be very sorrowful," I am sure his very human brain, given to him by his remarkable and courageous human mother, trembled under the self-doubt. What if I can't do this? What if I'm not enough? What if I don't have what it takes? takes? What if I fail? Olivia was right. The only thing between us and total disaster is Christ and his infinite atonement. But what stood between him and that same excruciating reality?

[25:02]
His alone was the burden of eternity. Thy work to do alone. Thy life to give. For the one who gave us all a second chance, there was no second chance. It was him or nothing. It was now or never. The fate of the whole human family, and my little family, and yours, rested on Christ's ability to do what he said he would do. He was the only one who could not fail. Fear not.

This year I have thought again and again about how the Mighty God, the Lion of Judah, was also a man. And on the hostile streets of Jerusalem, and in that dark, searing garden, and on the terrifying, lonely cross—through the whole journey—his own mind was betraying him, begging him to stop, urging him to quit, telling him he couldn't do it. He fought the greatest forces of eternity while he simultaneously battled the ferocious insecurities of mortality. And as he shouldered these loads alone, I am certain the desire to quit or rest or give up was relentless. And yet he persisted.

This Christmas season and always we worship the Son of God and the son of Mary, who overcame pain and grief and sin and death—yes, all of these. But also all the fear and self-doubt and misgivings of his own human brain, so he could stand alone unmoving and utterly unrelenting between us and disaster. What's the worst that can happen? happen? Because of him, we never have to know.

With all our love.

[26:55]
And so my friends, that's what I have for you today. These are the gifts that I have received from my coaches and teachers this year and I hope they will help you and be gifts in your life as well. Remember the model allows you to solve any problem. It's not about you. Focus on what you can control. Celebrate everyone's win. And remember that because of Christ and his willingness to face his own fears and self-doubts, we all have nothing to fear...and that my friends is 100% awesome!

I wish you the merriest of Christmases and I love you for listening! I'll see you next week!